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This is a psychological question, not something for the political forum, because it is about behaviors I am dealing with.
I generally try to avoid discussing politics with anyone, including family, because people don't seem to want to have rational discourse (even if we're on the same political side). It's like all anyone wants to do is rant and complain and blame "the other side" but not discuss how we could actually fix some of the issues facing our country with workable solutions.
In fact, I have a very bad physical reaction to political discussion. I get stomach pains, my face heats up and it is just not a pleasant feeling. Sometimes I feel like am actually going to vomit. This has been going on for years, it's not related to any particular U.S. administration. I believe I know the root cause of why I have this reaction but that's not really relevant to my question.
I have mentioned several times to various friends and family members that I just don't like discussing politics and I find it uncomfortable. I was not able to get anyone to heed my request after Trump became president, because most of my circle (friends and family, including me) are democrats. So of course complaining about Trump has been something I have heard for 4 years now. When I say "I have heard about for 4 years" I mean he is being interjected into subjects we aren't even remotely about politics or government. Example: Someone was being a pain in the arse on the tennis team, and my friend says to me "They must be a Trump supporter!" I mean really, is that anything useful?
Which brings me to today. I couldn't wait for the recent election to be over because I thought "If Biden gets elected, I won't have to hear about Trump anymore." Yay!
Well, that is not the case.
I kid you not, I have heard rantings about Trump in just about every personal friends/family encounter I have had since November 7 (I'm talking phone, email, text and in person). It is like people are just obsessed with talking about him and if they can't talk about his presidency they'll talk about his freaking Mar-a-Lago estate.
Yes, I know that he has made a big mess made over elections but the bottom line is that everyone who matters politically is acknowledging that Biden won and is going to be sworn in in January. So can't we just ignore him?
It really makes me wonder what psychological need is there to continually rant about politics? Don't people talk about art, culture, movies, sports, business, the economy, great recipes, new fitness discoveries, or anything else?
I just don't understand it and honestly I have gotten to where I don't want to engage with anyone because I know politics will come up, I will feel like throwing up and I just don't want to go there.
Does anyone else feel this way about political discussions?
I work in customer service, and it is amazing how many Trump-haters interject their negative comments about him during our conversation, which has NOTHING to do with politics. It appears to me that they are so filled with hate, it just overflows out in unexpected and unwelcome moments.
I was on a plane this week and a tardy passenger walked down the aisle saying loudly, "If there is anyone who voted for Trump on this plane I hope it crashes."
It's obvious for security reasons that that kind of talk could raise an exaggerated response in some people but I have to say
I could visibly notice the ones who were like Pavlov's dog, as Thoreau calls them. People rose out of their seats, raised their voices. The atmosphere suddenly felt ripe for very negative behaviors.
Security officers arrived and took the woman off the plane. It was obvious to me that she had some kind of a drug/mental health problem. Wishing to crash when she was on the plane? Pretty irrational.
She left saying she had only said that she didn't like Trump and that everyone else was making the story up. It was just all bizarre. I hope they funneled her through a mental health filter before her day in court.
But even more fascinating was later watching the behavior of those who had been "triggered." Some people just couldn't let the drama go. They had to talk to the stewardesses and among themselves about what we had seen for quite a while. It looked like fish rising to the bait to me, swarming, habitual.
This kind of crudeness and obsession surrounding politics didn't happen that I know of when I was growing up. I believe we have been conditioned by the media and education to view everything through a political lens and to personalize it.
Edited to add: I think one of the main reasons for this phenomenon might be awareness of lack of control and corresponding fear.
Ha! I gotcha beat on that I think, at least for "Wow really?"
I was, years ago, at my gynecologist's office and during an exam, she started talking about the women's march against Trump. I actually said to her, "Could you do me a favor and NOT talk about him while you're doing what you're doing, please?" I mean, of all times. Ugh...*shudder*
I had the same experience with my dental hygienist right before the election....she hates Trump and I had to ask her to please change the subject while cleaning my teeth!
This is a psychological question, not something for the political forum, because it is about behaviors I am dealing with.
I generally try to avoid discussing politics with anyone, including family, because people don't seem to want to have rational discourse (even if we're on the same political side). It's like all anyone wants to do is rant and complain and blame "the other side" but not discuss how we could actually fix some of the issues facing our country with workable solutions.
In fact, I have a very bad physical reaction to political discussion. I get stomach pains, my face heats up and it is just not a pleasant feeling. Sometimes I feel like am actually going to vomit. This has been going on for years, it's not related to any particular U.S. administration. I believe I know the root cause of why I have this reaction but that's not really relevant to my question.
I have mentioned several times to various friends and family members that I just don't like discussing politics and I find it uncomfortable. I was not able to get anyone to heed my request after Trump became president, because most of my circle (friends and family, including me) are democrats. So of course complaining about Trump has been something I have heard for 4 years now. When I say "I have heard about for 4 years" I mean he is being interjected into subjects we aren't even remotely about politics or government. Example: Someone was being a pain in the arse on the tennis team, and my friend says to me "They must be a Trump supporter!" I mean really, is that anything useful?
Which brings me to today. I couldn't wait for the recent election to be over because I thought "If Biden gets elected, I won't have to hear about Trump anymore." Yay!
Well, that is not the case.
I kid you not, I have heard rantings about Trump in just about every personal friends/family encounter I have had since November 7 (I'm talking phone, email, text and in person). It is like people are just obsessed with talking about him and if they can't talk about his presidency they'll talk about his freaking Mar-a-Lago estate.
Yes, I know that he has made a big mess made over elections but the bottom line is that everyone who matters politically is acknowledging that Biden won and is going to be sworn in in January. So can't we just ignore him?
It really makes me wonder what psychological need is there to continually rant about politics? Don't people talk about art, culture, movies, sports, business, the economy, great recipes, new fitness discoveries, or anything else?
I just don't understand it and honestly I have gotten to where I don't want to engage with anyone because I know politics will come up, I will feel like throwing up and I just don't want to go there.
Does anyone else feel this way about political discussions?
It's definitely an issue in the big election years like this one, but it'll die down somewhat in a few months.
--Media brainwashing that makes us believe politics is the most important thing. It comes from news programs but doesn't stop there. For the last 3 decades the entertainment industry has increasingly politicized more and more issues that previously were not. Everything that happens now seems to have a political angle. When I was growing up in the 1970s and 1980s, I just don't remember it being that hyped up. Sure there was comedy and they made fund of politicians (and I think they were more balanced in who they poked fun at than they are today).
--We live in a more secular world. Rightly or wrongly, more and more people have tossed organized religion aside. Politics and political ideology has filled the void for an increasing number of folks.
You might want to read Jonathan Haidt's book "The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion". He also has quite a few talks and interviews that you can find on YouTube.
This kind of crudeness and obsession surrounding politics didn't happen that I know of when I was growing up. I believe we have been conditioned by the media and education to view everything through a political lens and to personalize it.
Bam. You nailed it. This is what I was trying to say, but you said it better.
Growing up in the 1970s and 1980s, I don't remember being conditioned to view everything through a political lens, either. I noticed that started happening in the 1990s.
Personally, I think the manipulation is deliberate. Divide & conquer is the oldest control tactic in the book. But I guess saying that makes me a conspiracy kook
This is a psychological question, not something for the political forum, because it is about behaviors I am dealing with.
I generally try to avoid discussing politics with anyone, including family, because people don't seem to want to have rational discourse (even if we're on the same political side). It's like all anyone wants to do is rant and complain and blame "the other side" but not discuss how we could actually fix some of the issues facing our country with workable solutions.
***********************
I just don't understand it and honestly I have gotten to where I don't want to engage with anyone because I know politics will come up, I will feel like throwing up and I just don't want to go there.
Does anyone else feel this way about political discussions?
My wife feels the same way. I don't agree. I think that certain things, such as politics and Covid are very over-discussed. What's the problem with moderation? I am not particularly religious but I quote Ecclesiastes (with apologies to Pete Seeger, link, and other sources internally linked, as here (link): Ecclesiastes 3:1
New International Version
A Time for Everything
3 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
Honestly OP, I really feel for you. It gets to a point where certain repetitive revisits to the same old subject can be nearly like a PTSD trigger. You body starts throwing stress reactions all over the place. It's hard to cope with.
I not only feel that way about political stuff with certain individuals, but for instance my Mom does something I refer to as her "litany of woes." She can, for hours and in great detail, describe all of her problems...money, health, relationships, a whole life history of being wronged by person after person after person...and she will not be stopped or interrupted or let anyone else get a word in. Sometimes she gets really worked up. And sometimes I find it very uncomfortable and stressful and hard to deal with.
So sadly, I don't know what else to do, other than to attempt to redirect her if possible, end the phone call if I need to, or limit how much I talk to her, which can be hard because yeah, she's family and I do love her a lot. But it also helps to try and find, and nurture, connections with others who are able to be more in the moment and talk about other things and respect your needs in this regard. Be careful with people you choose to be close to you, like romantic partners and friends. "Chosen family." I'm fortunate that I have some, my husband and a few really close and dear friends, who are able to have conversations with me that feel healthy and fulfilling, rather than just stressful. They sort of refill the energy in me that feels depleted after talking to one of the relatively difficult people I know.
If it gets really bad while talking to her disconnect WHILE YOU ARE TALKING. Oops, my phone died. My late father was the same way, only talked about himself and all his illnesses; never asked about the kids or how I was doing.
As for the OP's musings: I think some people really have nothing else in their life to talk about so they start with politics. Used to be you didn't discuss religion or politics at the dinner table but those rules seemed to have gone by the wayside.
The veneer of "media objectivity" has completely vanished.
Some on the political right are (rightfully) angry about the press and social media not only taking one side (overwhelmingly left), but also actively killing stories, or in the case of social media, censoring them when a significant news story is harmful to their preferred candidate.
Meanwhile, low information voters do not even know they are being manipulated by said media. They really believe the President said white supremacists and neo-nazis were "very fine people," and that he said you should drink bleach for treating COVID-19.
Some on the political left are (rightfully) battle-weary of the constant political drama of the last four years and just want things to go back to the way they were. They do not like the personality and/or character of the outgoing President, and so they do not care who their candidate is or what the right thinks about him.
This a recipe for polarization. People are watching two entirely different movies of the same reality. So yes, people get distressed and want to talk about it because they are experiencing cognitive dissonance, fomented by the mockingbird press and authoritarian social media.
Just say something like,
"I really do understand why you are feeling upset, but I will not talk about politics right now. It is far too divisive, and you and I would miss the opportunity to discuss pleasant, positive and productive things."
If they go on, leave saying "I am sorry to go."
Last edited by lpc123; 12-18-2020 at 07:03 AM..
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You nailed it. This is what I was trying to say, but you said it better.
To everything there is a season...
