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Perspective.
Seen and been apart of the therapy skills.
If this friend is getting worse, it's a change that will lead her to an awareness.
She is moreless in the transistional phase of coming to her ' senses'. Odd behaviors that surface are as you describe. Boundaries being crossed are a part of it.
Some will do a transference. Basically reflect onto another their own ( insert a character trait that is less welcoming).
For this person - the oversharing is at times intrusive to the receptor. Therapy will tone it down ... It isn't an instant change.
Take more of a two steps back stance. I'm suspecting you are experiencing this person in a different light. You need to acclimate as well. When ppl go thru therapy there are changes .. that's a validation it's working.
It will simmer down .. it's a work in progress.
Your boundaries are fine. Allow this person to redefine their own. It's not easy...
IMHO, this didn't have much if anything to do with her therapist or therapy. IME, trying to have such a potentially delicate discussion via text, let alone email is risky. As people keep discovering over and over again, electronic communication is devoid of tone, emotion and many times context. Sitting down face to face with the person usually works a lot better. Body language etc. Both sides can see how their comments land and that can temper what they do next.
I would have broached this whole topic in person. If I happened to get a string of texts I didn't want or couldn't deal with at the moment I would have responded ONCE right at the beginning that I was unavailable, to please be patient, and that I will respond when free. Period. And stick to it. Resist the urge to pick out any of them or reply until I was in fact ready and willing to have a real-time conversation. As soon as you broke down and responded to that later text, you just made yourself appear to be dishonest or manipulative. Insulting, and someone who's already anxious or emotional is going to assume the worst...that you're deliberately avoiding them to make a point.
Calling her irrational was insensitive and insulting even if technically true. I would be very offended if someone did that to me, especially electronically.
I'm no texting afficionado but isn't there a way to send an automatic response to a text stating "can't respond now. I'll get back to you after such and such a time."? For one thing, that will teach the texter that continuing to send a barrage of texts isn't going to get any better results than being patient. A bit of time to reflect is probably a good thing in such situations. Words, whether spoken or typed can't be completely retracted.
Yeah, now I know that I should have done this in person.. I was just really irritated at that point and had to let it out. I'll admit that I hate confrontation and don't like talking about these difficult subjects face-to-face.
Can I please ask why calling someone irritational is so offensive? I thought I was being constructive. I didn't call her any derogatory names. I don't think that I would be offended if someone told me I was being irrational..
Can I please ask why calling someone irritational is so offensive? I thought I was being constructive. I didn't call her any derogatory names. I don't think that I would be offended if someone told me I was being irrational..
Think of it like pointing the finger at someone and how offensive that is. You are this or that. Deal with behavior by the effect it has on you. "When you do this, I feel this."
So instead of labeling their behavior, tell them that what they are saying doesn't make sense to you, or confuses you or whatever your response is.
Keeping it on yourself will help them stay less defensive.
Although this woman is saying she goes to therapy, she might be going to counseling to deal with her problems over her ex-husband, and not be in psychoanalysis with a psychiatrist (for example). Most people don't know the difference between the two and will say they are in therapy (even if they're not) instead of saying they are going to counseling. If she is in psychotherapy, she might be on medication since her behavior is "getting worse."
Think of it like pointing the finger at someone and how offensive that is. You are this or that. Deal with behavior by the effect it has on you. "When you do this, I feel this."
So instead of labeling their behavior, tell them that what they are saying doesn't make sense to you, or confuses you or whatever your response is.
Keeping it on yourself will help them stay less defensive.
Although this woman is saying she goes to therapy, she might be going to counseling to deal with her problems over her ex-husband, and not be in psychoanalysis with a psychiatrist (for example). Most people don't know the difference between the two and will say they are in therapy (even if they're not) instead of saying they are going to counseling. If she is in psychotherapy, she might be on medication since her behavior is "getting worse."
Oh interesting, I didn't know that. I assumed that therapy and counseling were the same.
Oh interesting, I didn't know that. I assumed that therapy and counseling were the same.
Counseling usually deals with one specific issue, while therapy tends to be more general. Within these groupings, there are also a lot of different methods used. Person A may go to therapy and have a totally different experience than Person B because their therapists use different methods. For example, I did grief counseling in graduate school to deal with the unexpected death of a classmate. It was short-term and primarily focused on processing the grief and my feelings about it. I went four or six sessions and once I felt I had processed it, I stopped going.
Your friend may be in counseling and it may touch on her overall neediness if it relates to her relationship with her ex, but it may not be meant to deal with that as deeply. If she were in something like cognitive behavioral therapy, that often focuses on questioning your own behaviors and what you can do to effect positive change.
Hi OP ~ I believe that some people get worse with therapy, for sure! They don't realize that they have to PAY someone a couple hundred dollars an hour to listen to them talk about every feeling they ever had but you are NOT getting paid and that is the difference. Some people are in our lives for just a season and I think the seasons might be changing.
I’ve never gone to a therapist, but I had a pretty messed up daughter in law (AA, pot smoker, eating disorder, Daddy issues) who had been in therapy since college. By the time I knew her, she functioned as a 4th grade teacher, but she was still barely able to make any decision without asking her therapist. Obviously, therapy had not cured her, and had fostered dependance.
Also, I’ve heard that a lot of people get fixed at the same time their insurance runs out. There is an incentive for therapists to stretch as long as the patients can pay.
Yeah, now I know that I should have done this in person.. I was just really irritated at that point and had to let it out. I'll admit that I hate confrontation and don't like talking about these difficult subjects face-to-face.
Can I please ask why calling someone irritational is so offensive? I thought I was being constructive. I didn't call her any derogatory names. I don't think that I would be offended if someone told me I was being irrational..
Freudian slip.
She is pushy, needy, and has a "chaotic life." But you're awesome because you feed her cats and give her bday presents.
Great friend, indeed.
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