Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Yeah, maybe that's true. It seems like she's always talking about her problems and is very needy...It's becoming exhausting. I've listened to her a lot and I thought I was a pretty decent friend.. I went over to her place and fed her cat while she was on vacation, I went to all her birthday get-togethers and gave her thoughtful gifts, etc. I don't know if she expects too much from me.
Seems like she needs a deeper emotional intimacy. Some friends mutually have that, and can share anything, some don't. It isn't neediness when it is organic it is more like closeness and trust. If you don't have that with this friend you can back away but don't scold her for wanting it.
She is pushy, needy, and has a "chaotic life." But you're awesome because you feed her cats and give her bday presents.
Great friend, indeed.
I'm guessing you're being sarcastic? I do believe I'm a good friend... Those were just a couple of things that I've done... I think that I'm considerate, nice and have always listened to her. But there's a point where it becomes too much. I didn't sign up to be like her therapist.... I have my own life, I'm married and I don't need these extra complications in my life.
Seems like she needs a deeper emotional intimacy. Some friends mutually have that, and can share anything, some don't. It isn't neediness when it is organic it is more like closeness and trust. If you don't have that with this friend you can back away but don't scold her for wanting it.
I just don't think I've ever had any friend in the past do this... It kind of caught my off-guard..
I'm guessing you're being sarcastic? I do believe I'm a good friend... Those were just a couple of things that I've done... I think that I'm considerate, nice and have always listened to her. But there's a point where it becomes too much. I didn't sign up to be like her therapist.... I have my own life, I'm married and I don't need these extra complications in my life.
Yes. My "good friends" don't brag about their awesomeness while complaining about me on random internet forums.
But go ahead and pat yourself on the back for being such a good friend.
Yes. My "good friends" don't brag about their awesomeness while complaining about me on random internet forums.
But go ahead and pat yourself on the back for being such a good friend.
Wow, I wasn't bragging and never said I was "awesome." That was your own assumption. I simply said I thought I was a good friend and am having a difficult time understanding why she did this. And I'm simply wanting to get opinions about the situation. That's what this what a forum is for, you know. And it's not like anyone knows her on here and I didn't mention her name.
Wow, I wasn't bragging and never said I was "awesome." That was your own assumption. I simply said I thought I was a good friend and am having a difficult time understanding why she did this. And I'm simply wanting to get opinions about the situation. That's what this what a forum is for, you know. And it's not like anyone knows her on here and I didn't mention her name.
So, you don't want her talking about you with her therapist, but it's fine to talk about her here? Ok.
I’ve never gone to a therapist, but I had a pretty messed up daughter in law (AA, pot smoker, eating disorder, Daddy issues) who had been in therapy since college. By the time I knew her, she functioned as a 4th grade teacher, but she was still barely able to make any decision without asking her therapist. Obviously, therapy had not cured her, and had fostered dependance.
Also, I’ve heard that a lot of people get fixed at the same time their insurance runs out. There is an incentive for therapists to stretch as long as the patients can pay.
Those are very good points... I think that therapists can be very helpful in certain situations, but they want to make more money like anyone else. Maybe they make some clients think they have problems that they really don't have.
Those are very good points... I think that therapists can be very helpful in certain situations, but they want to make more money like anyone else. Maybe they make some clients think they have problems that they really don't have.
I don’t think that’s unreasonable as an assumption. I have a friend whose kid is in therapy and the therapist seems questionable, at best. If anything, she just seems to make things worse with her suggestions. There are some therapists that just aren’t going to be helpful- either due to the method they use or how they interact with a specific patient.
I don’t think that’s unreasonable as an assumption. I have a friend whose kid is in therapy and the therapist seems questionable, at best. If anything, she just seems to make things worse with her suggestions. There are some therapists that just aren’t going to be helpful- either due to the method they use or how they interact with a specific patient.
Oh, that's too bad with your friend's kid. The mind just seems so complicated... Even with medication and therapy, some people just don't seem to get better..
Deal with behavior by the effect it has on you. "When you do this, I feel this."
So instead of labeling their behavior, tell them that what they are saying doesn't make sense to you, or confuses you or whatever your response is.
Keeping it on yourself will help them stay less defensive.
This is probably the most valuable thing I've ever learned about dealing with awkward interpersonal situations. Used it countless times in all sorts of situations: with co-workers, friends, relatives, some member of the public. Yes, it's a lot less confrontational and accusatory, but it also requires you to take a moment to clarify for yourself just how the other person's behavior actually DOES affect you before you speak. It can be enlightening for both parties. Takes practice, but once you start incorporating the concept, well worth it.
Instead of going on the offensive by stating: "You're being irrational", present it in a more personal manner: "When you say/do this or that, you make me end up feeling (or thinking) __________." Then fill in the blank. If you can't fill in the blank, maybe the conversation needs to wait until you can.
Last edited by Parnassia; 09-22-2022 at 02:15 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
