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A suggestion, P. I take out the "You make me. . ." Because it seems to indicate the other person is responsible for my feelings. Even suggests I don't have control of my feelings and am at their mercy. Not true.
So just "I end up feeling. . ."
But wait! There's more!
This technique is called the Awareness Wheel. As you noted it brings awareness to both. And it's designed to communicate you want their help in solving a problem you have.
There are more steps that move you into the action stage.
1. State the problem
2. State how it makes you feel
3. State what you want to happen
4. State the action you will take if #3 isn't addressed
5. Go ahead and act on four if you must. Otherwise thank the person who cooperated.
I've used this for years in dealing with unhelpful customer service agents and I almost always notice when I speak #2 in a neutral tone they sit up and listen. Those poor people are so used to being berated or having people act their anger out on them that they've tuned out. But when you quietly say, "I am angry." It seems more people hear you.
This whole exercise keeps you responsible for your emotions and in possession of the direction of the discourse. It's a strong stance.
A suggestion, P. I take out the "You make me. . ." Because it seems to indicate the other person is responsible for my feelings. Even suggests I don't have control of my feelings and am at their mercy. Not true.
So just "I end up feeling. . ."
But wait! There's more!
This technique is called the Awareness Wheel. As you noted it brings awareness to both. And it's designed to communicate you want their help in solving a problem you have.
There are more steps that move you into the action stage.
1. State the problem
2. State how it makes you feel
3. State what you want to happen
4. State the action you will take if #3 isn't addressed
5. Go ahead and act on four if you must. Otherwise thank the person who cooperated.
I've used this for years in dealing with unhelpful customer service agents and I almost always notice when I speak #2 in a neutral tone they sit up and listen. Those poor people are so used to being berated or having people act their anger out on them that they've tuned out. But when you quietly say, "I am angry." It seems more people hear you.
This whole exercise keeps you responsible for your emotions and in possession of the direction of the discourse. It's a strong stance.
A suggestion, P. I take out the "You make me. . ." Because it seems to indicate the other person is responsible for my feelings. Even suggests I don't have control of my feelings and am at their mercy. Not true.
So just "I end up feeling. . ."
But wait! There's more!
This technique is called the Awareness Wheel. As you noted it brings awareness to both. And it's designed to communicate you want their help in solving a problem you have.
There are more steps that move you into the action stage.
1. State the problem
2. State how it makes you feel
3. State what you want to happen
4. State the action you will take if #3 isn't addressed
5. Go ahead and act on four if you must. Otherwise thank the person who cooperated.
I've used this for years in dealing with unhelpful customer service agents and I almost always notice when I speak #2 in a neutral tone they sit up and listen. Those poor people are so used to being berated or having people act their anger out on them that they've tuned out. But when you quietly say, "I am angry." It seems more people hear you.
This whole exercise keeps you responsible for your emotions and in possession of the direction of the discourse. It's a strong stance.
You're right! Actually, I do what you suggest. Good advice!
You're right! Actually, I do what you suggest. Good advice!
I figgered you did. You do do.
It's a great method for self-empowerment.
I think it takes a lot of the over-analyzing out of problem-solving. It's easy to get involved in what the other person is thinking or what their response might be and try to tailor your conversation around that. But it's really not the point.
To me the point is figuring out exactly what I want/need in a problematic situation and how to best focus on that. It goes without saying that works best if I limit my analysis regarding the other to:
1. They are another feeling human
2. They also have wants/needs that may need to be addressed, too
Those two things go a long way toward staying on the problem.
I'm not seeing a therapist btw, but I'm definitively overthinking my actions and choices in the past. It's more what type of person you are, than anything.
I think you have to be at the right place to be searching out a therapist, so there is a right time to do it too.
When our son/stepson was going through teenage stuff it was challenging so we (parents) each went to see a therapist and I would say it helped us get through that time without bloodshed.
After a while you get used to recognizing a certain feeling and digging a little deeper for what may be causing it and trying to sort that out, but it should be a never-ending journey of self-discovery, and everyone should do it to make themselves feel better about life, their relationships and about themselves.
People who believe that therapy is of no use are probably not at that stage in their life yet where they want to sort out 'their stuff'.
I’ve never gone to a therapist, but I had a pretty messed up daughter in law (AA, pot smoker, eating disorder, Daddy issues) who had been in therapy since college. By the time I knew her, she functioned as a 4th grade teacher, but she was still barely able to make any decision without asking her therapist. Obviously, therapy had not cured her, and had fostered dependance.
Also, I’ve heard that a lot of people get fixed at the same time their insurance runs out. There is an incentive for therapists to stretch as long as the patients can pay.
If you want more quick results, in just one session, go see a Professional Astrologer. Psychology and Astrology speak a similar language. Astrology speaks Chinese, Psychology speaks English.
The other day, she told me that she's starting to feel uncomfortable because I don't share enough about my life with her and that she never knows what I'm thinking. Well, she definitely overshares about every aspect of her life. I'm much more of a private person. I told her that I'm a pretty content person and am in a good place in my life right now. I honestly don't have that much to vent about. But she kept pushing and pushing.
Basically, your friend needs to take your word for it. And she didn't and wanted to continue. Keep the boundary simple. "Can we change the subject? No? Then this is where I say goodbye." That is actually not my favorite thing to say. My favorite is to say, "You already made that point," and stay silent. It allows my friend to speak freely but it won't allow the conversation to continue.
I'm flabbergasted that she pushed and pushed about this. She doesn't have the right to know private details about your thoughts or your life. It's up to each person whether they wish to divulge private details or not. It's a case by case basis for me who I open up to and who I won't. There are people I've known for 30+ years who don't know much about me and also people I just met who I'll open up to immediately. It all depends on what I feel is appropriate to share with each person---depending on where they're at in life themselves, what they've experienced (or not), how they see things, what they value, etc.
I'm flabbergasted that she pushed and pushed about this. She doesn't have the right to know private details about your thoughts or your life. It's up to each person whether they wish to divulge private details or not. It's a case by case basis for me who I open up to and who I won't. There are people I've known for 30+ years who don't know much about me and also people I just met who I'll open up to immediately. It all depends on what I feel is appropriate to share with each person---depending on where they're at in life themselves, what they've experienced (or not), how they see things, what they value, etc.
Yeah, I was honestly shocked about it. Fortunately, she has since apologized and realized that she was in the wrong. She went on a trip with her ex-boyfriend back in the summer (they already paid for the trip and broke up shortly before it) and said that he was verbally abusive.. She hasn't been able to recover from it and took it out on me.
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You do do.
