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Interesting article, and I more clearly understand what you're talking about.
I don't think the Triangle is the friendliest place on earth.
The Southern stereotype is that some people pour on the "Southern charm" and then stab you in the back. I haven't seen it quite some time, but I've seen it, and I know others have, too.
I found my hometown of Rochester, New York, far easier to meet people than here. I could easily throw together a party and have 30+ people -- including those from high school, college/grad school, family (cousins, in-laws, sisters, siblings) current and former co-workers, childhood friends, and neighbors. No big deal.
I remember the Oprah show doing a "test" years ago and sending people to the downtowns of cities all over the United States to find the "friendliest city." The Oprah people pretended to be lost and judged the residents on their willingness to help them out. Rochester was tops above all the cities judged.
I found people in Rochester were more likely to share information about themselves than here. They were less guarded and more willing to start a friendship.
So the Triangle may be friendlier than Seattle -- it all depends upon whom you meet. But it's not the friendliest place around.
I think you can be very successful, but you have to make a concerted effort. Meetup is good and is a way to find people with similar interests.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ozwanderer
Thank you so much everyone, I love this feedback!
JACKIEKT: Good point, though I did come to Seattle three times before moving! Nothing like actually living in a place to find out what people are like. If you came to Seattle for a visit, you may actually think I am crazy about what I have described, then if you moved here, you would realize I wasn't. It is almost certain I will be leaving here in late March and "pausing" outside Richmond, VA in the short term (family), but wanted more validation on my target place to live . . . it is sounding more and more that Raleigh-Durham is the place for me. Richmond didn't pass muster.
DEDRATERMI: As I mentioned in my original post, I've literally had 50+ people talk about the difficult social culture here. That's not something I ever encountered any other place I lived. Frequently, it is the other person who brings it up. I often look to myself to see if there is something I could do different and given the vast majority of people who feel as I do, it is not realistic to think it is me in this case. Here's an article about that bad aspect of the culture here - it is 8 pages long pasted into Word and is from the lone major Seattle newspaper . . . now if they are printing this, it is definitely not me or my imagination. The Seattle Times: Pacific Northwest Magazine : Our Social Disease
This area is such a hodge-podge of "cultures" that you can find anything you want, you just have to tap into it. Old Southern (and NOT the "stab you in the back" type that is stereotyped, but genuine, Andy Griffith friendliness and caring for others); International (many many countries represented here); lots of Northeasterners so you'll find a more "New Yorker" vibe in some areas; Yuppie; Hipster; Hippie; Educated; Redneck; Snobby; Intellectual; GLBT; Jewish; Hispanic; Churchy; Athiest; you name it--even the "Seattle" kind of vibe is here among some. If I were to catalog the "cultures" represented by just, say, my Facebook Friends who live in the area, I think I'd hit every one of these at least twice.
Raleigh is becoming a "major metro" but still has its roots firmly in Southern tradition. The hybrid of these is something you need to spend a while her to understand, but people generally like it. However, tapping into a more specific "vibe" is something you have to seek out yourself.
Have you ever considered that the problem might be you? Seattle is a big place with millions of people, from diverse backgrounds with many interests. If you're having a hard time socially, I don't see Raleigh being that much different for you. If you were from Farmville USA with population 172, then I'd definitely say that Raleigh is going to be an easier place for you to make friends. But if you're having problems in Seattle, then I think maybe you ought to consider other sources of your problem first. Are you living in an area that is more family-oriented than full of single people like yourself? Are you attending events where you might have an opportunity to meet people with your interests? Just some ideas. It sure would seem like a waste for you to move across the country only to end up with the same complaints.
That wasn’t a very nice reply. Geez the dude was only trying to find out if the people are friendly in the triangle!
Hey Oz (is this an Emerald City ref or a Down Under ref?):
Relo'd to the Triangle from Seattle, so know a bit about both areas. Lotta similarities - although as Francois stated, Triangle is a developing city whereas Seattle is more a true metro area. Tech (IT and bio) attracts a lot of relos (domestic and int'l) to the area, so you get that contingent. I find techies to be awesome friends online, not so much in the real world.
Kinda like Seattle, this is a relo/escapee haven (In the PacNW, it was Cali; here it's NE/NYC and NoVa - more so, midwest, lotta Buckeyes), so you get that mix. Lotta people here that like to talk about what they left (lotta them still have scars very fresh in their mind be it prop taxes, expenses, weather, rudeness, yada yada - yabba dabba...). Sim to Seattle, you'll meet a lot of people who are not from here. Y'all will wonder where the natives are at?
How easy it is to make friends here sorta depends on what your definition of "friend" is. Also, it depends on where you are from (are you native WA-tonian? Former East Coaster? International?) and what you are expecting/hoping to find. If after spendin' time in the cold, PC, passive/aggressive PacNW, you are hoping to find a truly awesome, close knit social circle of buds that you can laugh, cry, eat, roadtrip, do hijinks wit, etc - you might be disappointed. However, if you are looking for a couple of buds to hang out with every once in a while - grab a few beers, have a cookout (aka: backyard bbq/grilling), get an invite to the neighborhood block party, etc - you'll probably do fine here.
Bigger bar/club scene in Seattle - although Raleigh has a growing scene. Both have decent grassroots music scenes. Funny - Although I was living in Seattle during the height of the whole grunge craze, I was mostly listening to Merge/CH/Cat's Cradle stuff. If you're a musician/into music - you'll get that here, albeit in a bit smaller doses. Perhaps not as pretentious, you know?
I wouldn't come here expecting a pie/cake from the you neighbors when you move in. Not saying it doesn't happen here - but I suppose if you expect that, you'll be disappointed. I dunno if I'd even want that coz I'm sure that pie will come with a price tag. I would also be wary of insta-friends you find waiting in line, at the store, neighbors - you know the kind that are just so dang friendly. I find they usually want to sell you something (Amway, much?), convert you (Have you accepted (enter name etc. here) as your personal (enter moniker here), or are a serial killer. Generalizing a bit, but I'm just sayin', you know?
Did you live in the city? Or the burbs? If you lived in Redmond, Sammamish, Kirkland, Bellevue, Issaquah, etc - you'll find it eerily similar here when it comes to making friends. Bedroom communities lend themselves largely to fam night with the occasional PTA fundraiser/soccer, hockey, pee-wee, little league - you get the pic.
Sim to Seattle, it's pretty liberal here - but as you get outside of town/city - it gets really conservative fast. 'Cept for Carrboro, the libs here are more concrete/granite types, rather than the granola types. Like SF, Port, Sea - there's a lotta academic/tech folks.
It's the South, so you'll get the good and (depending on perspective) the not so good here. Generalizing, but people here tend to want to put you more into a box than in Seattle (race, job, religion, class, sport team, where from, etc). I found in Seattle, making friends was more about circumstance rather than identity. Here's it's more about identity. If you are easily box-able, you'll have an easier time making friends. Easier to make friends in Seattle if you are "outside the box," if you know what I mean. Religion a much bigger thing here. Actually, in Seattle, I found it somewhat a non-factor. Here, it is.
Flaky? Yeah - you'll get that a lot. Let's hang out - let's get together - let's, let's, let's ... It's about being nice and polite without having to make a commitment. It's not a Raleigh specific thing, more a sign of the times, really. Like most places, you'll really need to make the effort and have initiative.
If you have strong hobbies, interests - you'll have much better luck.
Having kiddos will greatly improve your chances of finding like minded, exhausted, dying for some adult convo/bevs folks. Kinda like suburban Seattle/Eastside - it's a pretty fam oriented/fam friendly.
I agree 100 percent (for those non-Seattle things I know about or have experienced). (But nobody chatting in line with me has ever tried to sell me anything.)
This is my favorite post of the year.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beans&Cornbread
Hey Oz (is this an Emerald City ref or a Down Under ref?):
Relo'd to the Triangle from Seattle, so know a bit about both areas. Lotta similarities - although as Francois stated, Triangle is a developing city whereas Seattle is more a true metro area. Tech (IT and bio) attracts a lot of relos (domestic and int'l) to the area, so you get that contingent. I find techies to be awesome friends online, not so much in the real world.
Kinda like Seattle, this is a relo/escapee haven (In the PacNW, it was Cali; here it's NE/NYC and NoVa - more so, midwest, lotta Buckeyes), so you get that mix. Lotta people here that like to talk about what they left (lotta them still have scars very fresh in their mind be it prop taxes, expenses, weather, rudeness, yada yada - yabba dabba...). Sim to Seattle, you'll meet a lot of people who are not from here. Y'all will wonder where the natives are at?
How easy it is to make friends here sorta depends on what your definition of "friend" is. Also, it depends on where you are from (are you native WA-tonian? Former East Coaster? International?) and what you are expecting/hoping to find. If after spendin' time in the cold, PC, passive/aggressive PacNW, you are hoping to find a truly awesome, close knit social circle of buds that you can laugh, cry, eat, roadtrip, do hijinks wit, etc - you might be disappointed. However, if you are looking for a couple of buds to hang out with every once in a while - grab a few beers, have a cookout (aka: backyard bbq/grilling), get an invite to the neighborhood block party, etc - you'll probably do fine here.
Bigger bar/club scene in Seattle - although Raleigh has a growing scene. Both have decent grassroots music scenes. Funny - Although I was living in Seattle during the height of the whole grunge craze, I was mostly listening to Merge/CH/Cat's Cradle stuff. If you're a musician/into music - you'll get that here, albeit in a bit smaller doses. Perhaps not as pretentious, you know?
I wouldn't come here expecting a pie/cake from the you neighbors when you move in. Not saying it doesn't happen here - but I suppose if you expect that, you'll be disappointed. I dunno if I'd even want that coz I'm sure that pie will come with a price tag. I would also be wary of insta-friends you find waiting in line, at the store, neighbors - you know the kind that are just so dang friendly. I find they usually want to sell you something (Amway, much?), convert you (Have you accepted (enter name etc. here) as your personal (enter moniker here), or are a serial killer. Generalizing a bit, but I'm just sayin', you know?
Did you live in the city? Or the burbs? If you lived in Redmond, Sammamish, Kirkland, Bellevue, Issaquah, etc - you'll find it eerily similar here when it comes to making friends. Bedroom communities lend themselves largely to fam night with the occasional PTA fundraiser/soccer, hockey, pee-wee, little league - you get the pic.
Sim to Seattle, it's pretty liberal here - but as you get outside of town/city - it gets really conservative fast. 'Cept for Carrboro, the libs here are more concrete/granite types, rather than the granola types. Like SF, Port, Sea - there's a lotta academic/tech folks.
It's the South, so you'll get the good and (depending on perspective) the not so good here. Generalizing, but people here tend to want to put you more into a box than in Seattle (race, job, religion, class, sport team, where from, etc). I found in Seattle, making friends was more about circumstance rather than identity. Here's it's more about identity. If you are easily box-able, you'll have an easier time making friends. Easier to make friends in Seattle if you are "outside the box," if you know what I mean. Religion a much bigger thing here. Actually, in Seattle, I found it somewhat a non-factor. Here, it is.
Flaky? Yeah - you'll get that a lot. Let's hang out - let's get together - let's, let's, let's ... It's about being nice and polite without having to make a commitment. It's not a Raleigh specific thing, more a sign of the times, really. Like most places, you'll really need to make the effort and have initiative.
If you have strong hobbies, interests - you'll have much better luck.
Having kiddos will greatly improve your chances of finding like minded, exhausted, dying for some adult convo/bevs folks. Kinda like suburban Seattle/Eastside - it's a pretty fam oriented/fam friendly.
Thanks Beans&Cornbread! While I would love a "100%, this is a fantastic, best city, find your best buds type of place", I would much rather have truth and reality than a fiction. While having the "close knit" would be awesome, I am not sure in what city/cities in this country where that is more common. And obviously EVERY place has its jerks, samaritans, warm, cold etc, just some places have one or another in much greater abundance ("birds of a feather, flock together").
A lot of it, is what you make of it, but where you live is a factor, otherwise social culture would be identical everywhere (referring to a few other posts). It's like having a job - you can be successful and thrive at one company, but having the same job at a different company can be a failure. Some places are a fit, some are not.
As far as me and where I am from - I am originally a Buckeye myself (first 18 1/2 years of life), then in LA for about 15 years (including 2 in OC) and have been here since August 2005. I was in Seattle proper the whole time until the last 18 months. Since then I've been in Renton (Highlands area specifically). (And to answer your one question, my screenname refers to Down Under - I did a year abroad in Oz many moons ago.) You mentioned differences in people in the Eastside communities here in the Seattle area, but I really haven't noticed a difference other than single or couple no kids more likely = Seattle, couples with kids = more likely Eastside. The friends I do have tend to be in Seattle proper. Though based largely (in all likelihood) on where I grew up, I tend to prefer suburbia vs. urban or rural.
Being invited to the occasional hangout would be far better experience than the general "I don't want to get to know you at all" frostiness of Seattle, though I am hoping for more than that. Besides wanting to be closer to family in Southern VA, I want a family of my own and I am not getting any younger (nearly 40) and given what I have experienced here in your very accurately labeled "cold, PC, passive/aggressive PacNW," I just don't see that happening. I am not a bar person, but I tend to find people through online ads (0% flake factor on my end and close to it in LA on the other end, but way over 50% in Seattle) and I try to find groups like bridge clubs, bowling leagues etc. To expand my "box", I am a gay, white, non-religious male, but I come from a very religious family with deep Southern roots (my accent is even a combo of Midwest/Southern).
So two questions for you (or anyone else reading):
Given what I wrote above in terms of what I like and what I am looking for, is there any place you would recommend more as a good fit? And it sounds like this is a "yes", but just to confirm . . . if you meet someone(s), and you make an effort you get together again, you will get some positive reactions (complete with actual follow-through) vs. what I have experienced here?
Thanks!
ozwanderer-since you (NOW) mention being gay, I can speak for the gay community here (grew up here, been in the "community" for 30 years). There is a very thriving community here though does take a little "tapping into". Private-message me for more details, but I'd start with contacting the LGBT Center of Raleigh (which serves the whole Triangle) and definitely join some kind of a gay "group"--there are at least two GLBT bowling leagues, a softball league, a rugby league, games nights, a Gay Men's chorus, reading groups, political groups, and a business/professional guild. A couple of restaurants that have large gay clientele (mixed with hetero). Send me your email and I can get you on an e-newsletter that announces all sorts of events in the greater Triangle.
But that doesn't mean that gay people are "insular" here and only associate with each other--though I do mostly agree with the poster who mentioned people "putting you into a box" here more than on some other places. That doesn't always mean in a negative way, however--lots of times it's just a way of finding commonalities.
I agree 100 percent (for those non-Seattle things I know about or have experienced). (But nobody chatting in line with me has ever tried to sell me anything.)
This is my favorite post of the year.
Thanks LB. Nice that my first post on here can be someone's favorite of the year. That's pretty cool.
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