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I think what happens sometimes is, there is a lot involved, plus pressure in having to please more than yourself. I get the feeling you are a sensitive person, too. It is too bad the first house you liked went the way it had, but it is possible it may not have been right, overall.
At this point, things are the way they are, which means you can really only alter your outlook, though I realize it is difficult, when you feel you have made a mistake. Honestly, I found as I once lived on a busy street, that over time, I really began not hearing it (unlike having to hear upstairs neighbor noise on a regular basis - clunking, slamming, banging, thuds, etc., that feels like your personal space is being intruded upon). Try to focus on the possibilities there and again, it is possible you can go elsewhere at some point, though it may not feel like it. Your family seems to be excited with the move, so that is good. Just do what you can and for us who are in shared housing, we are happy for those who get to live in their own home. Good luck and check back with us.
Hindsight isn't 20/20, it's blind. Had you bought another house, you'd be fixing up different defects. Trust me, ALL houses have them! (Yes, that even includes brand-new ones. Ask me how I know....)
Give the place a chance. If you've lived there for a while and still hate it, then talk honestly to your wife about how and why the place is making you unhappy, and about selling it or keeping it as a rental property. There are lots of other houses out there, you're not stuck with this one.
You may also be discovering that you're not temperamentally suited to be a homeowner. Not everyone is, despite what HGTV says. Maybe you'd be happier in a townhome or a condo where you wouldn't have to fret so much about fixing things, or even an apartment.
But give the place a chance for now, and keep reminding yourself it's just a house and not worth getting too upset over. Don't give material objects so much power over your mind!
Agreed! the only things that matter to me are family and memories .. I stop caring about my possesions around the time my daughter was born .. they just didn't mean or define who I was.
The neighbours who are complaining about what colour he wants to paint it.... ITS HIS HOUSE!!!!
SCREW THE NEIGHBOURS!!!!!!!
The neighbors aren't complaining. Where did you read that?
If he had bought the house in an HOA, the colors would probably need to be approved. However, the house that he did buy is not in an HOA. So your comment doesn't apply to OP's situation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zarick
We looked for a house for over a year and a half. About midway through this process we found a house in a really nice wooded neighborhood. However, my realtor kinda rushed us into putting in an offer (didn't use that realtor afterwards) and it made me a little mad. Our offer got accepted and then I got the HOA documents. Well I am not one who wants to live where people tell me what color I can paint my house, or what types of bushes and trees can be in my front yard and having to get approval for a playset for my kids in my backyard. The house needed a lot of work and the yard while big really lacked usable space because it was almost completely treed and fairly sloped (you can't remove trees without HOA permission).
My wife really liked the house. We went back for a second look and the pet odor was stiffling. The carpet was brand new which is a bad sign. House didn't feel as good, and so I talked my wife into letting it go. Which she agreed to do.
OP, you need to come to grips. This is your home for the foreseeable future. You need to either learn to like it or at least tolerate it. You should not mourn the loss of the home mentioned above. From your comments, you would not be happy living in an HOA.
I think what happens sometimes is, there is a lot involved, plus pressure in having to please more than yourself..
There's also the anxiety involved in making a very big monetary purchase. "Oh, no, the house isn't quite right, and now I'm stuck!" I think everyone feels that to some extent; some feel it more than others.
I know I've finally figured out why my house stresses me out: it feels like I have a giant pile of money sitting in a field totally exposed to the elements. A strong wind is coming, will my money be blown away? It's raining, will my money be soaked through and ruined? Will someone stop by and walk off with my money while I'm away on vacation?
I have to keep telling myself to get a grip. I CAN always sell my house; I bet if I put up a sign on my front yard saying "FSBO - price $1" I'd have a dozen offers before noon. Heck, even if I did no maintainace whatsoever for decades and allowed the place to become a total tear-down, the lot is very nice, the neighborhood is good, and the school district is great. Someone would buy the property, tear down my dilapidated house, and build a new one on the lot. The risk isn't that I can't sell, but that I may lose money when I do so - but what investment doesn't carry a risk of financial loss? Once I realized that, I stopped feeling quite so trapped by my purchase. (It's a good reason not to let yourself become over-extended and house-poor, though, as it's a lot easier to have that fatalistic view when your home isn't the overwhelmingly largest part of your assets. It's also easier once the place is paid off and you don't have to fret about being seriously underwater on a mortgage.)
All of life's milestones have upsides and downsides: committing to a career, marriage, having kids, switching jobs, relocating, buying a house, divorce, retirement, financial management. Changes bring some good things but you lose some good things too. It isn't just buyer's remorse, it's the nature of making big choices.
Your wife was right to pull the trigger on your endless, aimless house hunting. I have a feeling she'll make this a happy, comfortable home for herself and the kids. Hope you get on board -- marital conflicts are a lot worse than buyer's remorse. Is some of your problem with the house that it was your wife's decision and not yours?
Partially. Partially it was because I had two things I hate.. traffic noise and HOAs. The first house we offered and got accepted had an amazing forest setting kinda away from the world, but still in a nice neighborhood. It was our favorite of all house design. But the house needed tons of work including converting one room to a 4th bedroom, removing newly installed carpet and pad to seal the floors from cat urine, replacing the kitchen floor, repairing the fence etc... We felt it would be hard to do all those things on our budget at the time. Plus the yard while a gorgeous forest had little room to grow anything (mainly because of the shade) and a large portion of the yard was sloped. The HOA will not allow the removal of trees without permission so it wasn't like you could yank trees out. What really ended the deal for us is we had both our parents come out and look and they hated it. We don't know why, but they did. That was the point my wife said okay lets move on.
So a year later I buy a house that has a worse layout, with traffic noise. And a curved wall ( )
So a year later I buy a house that has a worse layout, with traffic noise. And a curved wall ( )
But no cat pee! From the description of place #1, you might have loved it at first, and years down the road after all the repair work was completed you may have come to love it again, but during the intervening years of Renovation Hell you would have learned to loathe it.
I've lived near highways and railroad tracks. After awhile, I tuned out the noises and didn't even notice them anymore. Maybe you'll do the same.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Silverfall
Aren't you the person that took out the decibel meter to measure the traffic noise?
When I was in college, I lived across the street from very busy train tracks. The freight trains would come through at 1am, 3am, and 5am. If you've ever stood near a train track you know the vibration and noise is pretty bad.
I got so used to it that I was able to sleep through anything.
I slept through the one time the train crashed and derailed.
I also slept through our house catching on fire and being awakened by a fire fighter.
I, for one, feel for you. My environment greatly affects my mood, and I also have a terrible time making up my mind -- especially about as huge a purchase as a house! To think that we can take home a shirt and return it a week later, test drive and take a car to our mechanic, but are supposed to base the biggest purchase of our lives on a five-minute walk through a house with a realtor standing there impatiently (or on the recommendation of dubious home inspectors)...
Add having to consider another person with different tastes, but equal weight, and you have my sympathy...
Maybe a "man cave" storage shed/cabin in the backyard for you?
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Heck, even if I did no maintainace whatsoever for decades and allowed the place to become a total tear-down, the lot is very nice, the neighborhood is good, and the school district is great. Someone would buy the property, tear down my dilapidated house, and build a new one on the lot. The risk isn't that I can't sell, but that I may lose money when I do so - but what investment doesn't carry a risk of financial loss? Once I realized that, I stopped feeling quite so trapped by my purchase. (It's a good reason not to let yourself become over-extended and house-poor, though, as it's a lot easier to have that fatalistic view when your home isn't the overwhelmingly largest part of your assets. It's also easier once the place is paid off and you don't have to fret about being seriously underwater on a mortgage.)
