I send a dozen emails a day to my married male friend (man, love)
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I think it's a slippery slope. If the conversations are truly innocent and stay that way then I don't see a problem with it. I would however make sure that the conversations stay innocent and don't start becoming an emotional outlet for you (or him).
I think it is interesting that you say you would not let your husband read the e-mails even if he was interested in doing so. Sounds like you are hiding more than you say. Remember the old saying, "If it feels wrong, it is wrong."
These emails may be innocent in content and your spouses may be aware of them, but I think they are obsessive and unhealthy. A dozen emails a day with the same person just to discuss various current events, can easily turn into something more, even if that was not the original intent.
I worked as a temp at a company a year ago for a week and struck up a work friendship with a guy there. We exchanged email addresses and the rest is history. Since then we are emailing each other up to a dozen times a day. I am 30 years old and he is 42, so there is a age gap. Oh, both of us are married and not to each other.
I tell my friends about my email friend who I have not seen in a few months and some of them think it is wrong, while others are jealous. There is no flirting, or expectation of a real affair. Our email conversations are just about general topics we are interested in such as politics and current events and music and movies. Both of us work in boring slow jobs where we have lots of time on our hands. So the emails keep us busy and engaged in a boring job.
What do you think? Is it wrong to email so many times to a married man? (Remember we rarely see each other and there is no flirting) If your spouse had a married man or woman (of the opposite sex) that they emailed back and forth to to ease the boredom of a slow job, would you be angry?
Email lover, I'm a dozen years younger and am better commodity. My inbox can accommodate a dozen more emails
So far the majority of the posters believe that a married man and woman can not be very close email friends because their spouse is going to be threatened. And that the spouse should be reading their husbands and wife's emails to friends. What happened to trust and privacy?
So far the majority of the posters believe that a married man and woman can not be very close email friends because their spouse is going to be threatened. And that the spouse should be reading their husbands and wife's emails to friends. What happened to trust and privacy?
You will get 100 marks out of 100 if you had casually told your husband about how you have a professional pen pal.
Do your SOs know you e-mail each other in this way? If not, then you are having an affair, even if you haven't actually done the humpalumpadingdong.
My theory is that if you have a conversation with someone that you would have with your spouse standing beside you, then you are perfectly fine. If, on the other hand, you're hiding your e-mails, then you are doing something wrong.
I mean, I have correspondence with friends of the opposite sex, former colleagues, and the whatnot, but nowhere close to a dozen times a day. And the nature of those conversations are such that I would not be ashamed if my wife read any of those e-mails.
So far the majority of the posters believe that a married man and woman can not be very close email friends because their spouse is going to be threatened. And that the spouse should be reading their husbands and wife's emails to friends. What happened to trust and privacy?
Trust and privacy are great as long as the other person's not doing something wrong.
Tell you what. Stroll into where your husband is right now and say, "I talk to Frank about a dozen times a day via e-mail. Are you okay with that?" And let's see what your husband says.
Interesting perspective, but I think anyone in this situation would feel ill at ease if they knew that a spouse was reading all their private correspondence. While I am not embarrassed about what I have said to my male married pen pal, I do not think he would want my husband reading his side of the communication. My male married penpal talks about: his hopes and dreams and shows his personal side by talking about his disappointments, troubles with relatives, fights with his boss and insecurities. That information is none of my husbands business.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
Do your SOs know you e-mail each other in this way? If not, then you are having an affair, even if you haven't actually done the humpalumpadingdong.
My theory is that if you have a conversation with someone that you would have with your spouse standing beside you, then you are perfectly fine. If, on the other hand, you're hiding your e-mails, then you are doing something wrong.
I mean, I have correspondence with friends of the opposite sex, former colleagues, and the whatnot, but nowhere close to a dozen times a day. And the nature of those conversations are such that I would not be ashamed if my wife read any of those e-mails.
Interesting perspective, but I think anyone in this situation would feel ill at ease if they knew that a spouse was reading all their private correspondence. While I am not embarrassed about what I have said to my male married pen pal, I do not think he would want my husband reading his side of the communication. My male married penpal talks about: his hopes and dreams and shows his personal side by talking about his disappointments, troubles with relatives, fights with his boss and insecurities. That information is none of my husbands business.
If you're not talking politics and the weather, this is definitely an emotional affair, whether you care to admit it or not.
ETA: You conveniently in the OP presented your email content differently, "Our email conversations are just about general topics we are interested in such as politics and current events and music and movies. Both of us work in boring slow jobs where we have lots of time on our hands".
This situation sounds very wrong to me. I can understand one or two emails a week with this person, but certainly not multiple emailings a day. When you're married, I believe that it's not realistic to have a friendship with a person of the opposite sex. It's threatening and damaging to the marriage. So when you're married, I believe you should just rule out a relationship with the opposite sex entirely, because it's just too complicated. If you truly respect your husband, you would cease all contact with this person now, because clearly the situation has gotten out of hand. There is a red flag because clearly you are not comfortable with your husband reading the content of these emails, as you would be if they were truly innocent.
Why aren't you emailing with your husband 12 times a day when you're bored at work? Your husband should be your best friend, the person you want to be emailing with 12 times a day--not someone else. Think about how that would improve your relationship. I think you have the beginnings of an emotional affair here.
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