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I haven't been to a bar or club in a few years (maybe once or twice in the last five years?), but I know these are popular places to try to meet people. I hear and read many conflicting messages, though, and I don't understand why they are so many people's top choice.
Some women go with their friends to hang out and maybe dance. They are annoyed when men try to talk to them. Other women go with their friends to meet guys and maybe hook up. They are annoyed when men do not try to talk to them.
It's often very loud inside, which inhibits pleasant conversation. "How are you doing this evening?" "What?" "I said, HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS EVENING?" "The cows are MOOING? What cows?" "WHAT?"
Some people see a woman by herself as a barfly, a cougar, only there for one thing. Or she is an uptight wallflower with no friends who obviously doesn't know how to have a good time. Don't try to talk to her, you perv. Oh, never mind, she does want you to approach--that sulky look is because nobody is talking to her.
Some people see a man by himself as a predator. Or a loser. So many people go in groups, which can be intimidating.
Maybe there is someone there who looks friendly and fun, so you strike up a conversation. Things are going well! Oops, he's married. Or gay. She has a boyfriend. This is a big reason I don't like to go there. My sister-in-law and I were kicking back in a little bar in Colorado, and two good-looking guys came over to talk to us. We were both married. I was flattered but felt a little bad for them.
So much about the bar or club scene does not appeal to me. Do you like to go? Do you meet a lot of likeable people there?
I haven't been to a bar or club in a few years (maybe once or twice in the last five years?), but I know these are popular places to try to meet people. I hear and read many conflicting messages, though, and I don't understand why they are so many people's top choice.
Dates/SOs can be met anywhere.
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Some women go with their friends to hang out and maybe dance. They are annoyed when men try to talk to them. Other women go with their friends to meet guys and maybe hook up. They are annoyed when men do not try to talk to them.
It's their prerogative, is it not?
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It's often very loud inside, which inhibits pleasant conversation. "How are you doing this evening?" "What?" "I said, HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS EVENING?" "The cows are MOOING? What cows?" "WHAT?"
Some people see a woman by herself as a barfly, a cougar, only there for one thing. Or she is an uptight wallflower with no friends who obviously doesn't know how to have a good time. Don't try to talk to her, you perv. Oh, never mind, she does want you to approach--that sulky look is because nobody is talking to her.
Or she is confident and couldn't give a poo, or she wants a drink by herself. She could have had a long day at the office, or be on lunch, or reading her Blackberry alone to see what messages her boyfriend sent, etc.
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Some people see a man by himself as a predator. Or a loser. So many people go in groups, which can be intimidating.
Same reasons I stated as per a woman.
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Maybe there is someone there who looks friendly and fun, so you strike up a conversation. Things are going well! Oops, he's married. Or gay. She has a boyfriend. This is a big reason I don't like to go there. My sister-in-law and I were kicking back in a little bar in Colorado, and two good-looking guys came over to talk to us. We were both married. I was flattered but felt a little bad for them.
So much about the bar or club scene does not appeal to me. Do you like to go? Do you meet a lot of likeable people there?
I detest bars, and I couldn't care if that makes me out of the grain. I'm entitled to my opinion.
Bars are just so pretentious, shallow and fake, and I hate those qualities.
There may be a difference between going to bars in a general sense or to a bar in a specific sense. The first where you may hop from one to another and you may or may not know anyone there. The second may be more of a Cheers type situation where it's a usual hangout for a group of people who have gotten to know each other over a period of time, either at the bar or socially in the neighborhood.
There's nothing wrong with either in moderation. Personally, it seems like it would be healthier if a person enjoyed going someplace where his or her friends were hanging out. Bars are not just for drinking or hooking up. People play pool, darts, dance, listen to music, or just socialize with their friends.
Unfortunately, not every community has a safe little watering hole where the regulars look out for one another.
every bar is different. clubs are even more different.
my little beach town has some very cool bars, and even then, the majority of them i won't hang out in.
for me, i like the dirty, dingy hole in the wall bars. unfortunately girls hate these, you usually have 10 guys for every 1 female. (and she's usually a skag)
if you want to meet girls, you're better off at a dance club, or a martini bar, or somewhere that people dress up a little more. unfortunately, i really don't think this is a good time. (outside of meeting girls). i don't like the idea of meeting a girl who hangs out at one of these spots, because then i'd probably have to hang out there again sometime, which is not worth it.
i think the middle ground is your typical "Irish pub", or tavern. there are TV's, but it is not a "sports bar". they typically have a great beer selection, and draw a good crowd of mixed gender. the music isn't too loud, and you can sit around and talk, tell stories, and introduce yourself to whomever you see around.
Julia, generally the bar scene is not as bad for guys as you make it out to be. It does suck, if a guy goes up to every girl he seees as if she had a target on her forehead, as if making friends with a married woman constitutes a failure of some sort. If you just go out to literally meet people, be charming, and have a good time, then everything else will fall into place.
Before meeting my wife, of which I met thru a Personal Ad that I placed/she read.......not at bar, I spent numerous Friday/Saturday nights at country music/live band clubs. I drank very little (buddies called me a "bottle sucker" b/c of the length of time it took me to drink a beer), but did enjoy doing some country dancing. Met some nice ladies, but none interested in my hobbies (horses/rodeo/fishing). They wanted a "2-step cowboy" and I was that much more than that. One thing for sure, I didn't feel "rejection" when a lady said "no thank you" to a dance with me.......I'd just go to another table and ask another lady! Went to many Rodeo Dances as well......that was fun. My wife was a light drinker as well and liked to country line dance and 2-step, so she went to local nightclubs fairly often. Our 2nd date was to a local country music nightclub where I met part of her family (sister and niece). After seeing me dance a 2-step with her Aunt, my wife's niece walked up to her and said "he's definitely a keeper!"
"Clubbing" (as it is called today) is fine as long as the person has an outgoing personality, doesn't drink a lot and doesn't mind hearing "no thank you" sometimes to a dance.
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