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I've recently started dating someone and have been trying to figure out what I want to do about this, so I figured I'd open the topic up and see what you all have to say.
First off, some background: We knew each other about 2 years ago (played on the same recreational sport team) and I remember thinking he was a decent enough guy, though we didn't talk that much. After the season ended we lost contact until we randomly ran into each other about 2 months ago. Since then we've been talking essentially every day (typically online or via phone) and have been out a handful of times. I've been intentionally moving it slow, because when we "reunited" it was right after I got confirmation that a dying relationship was truly dead. Though it was a short thing, I had strong feelings for the guy and didn't want to jump into anything new.
So this new guy is really nice, great to talk to (obviously, since we do it so often), makes me laugh, fairly intelligent, and is pretty attractive. We also have a good deal in common. Sounds perfect, right? The only thing is that I'm not really feeling any "spark" or "something special". It's not that I find him unattractive, it's just that I'm only just attracted "enough", if that makes any sense. I don't feel the same tingles and excitement as I did with the last one. I definitely don't want to lead him on, but also don't want to kill something before giving it a chance because I'm harboring some silly romantic notion that, in reality, has little weight or substance.
Thoughts? Cut him loose before I hurt him? Give it a chance? Relax, I'm worrying too early?
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,010,901 times
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Things always cool down at some point in any relationship. It sounds like that's where this one started out. Imagine, if you're at the cooled off stage by default, what's it going to be like in a year or so? Only you know if you're settling.
Give it time. You have deadened (removed the ability to have the sparks) your feelings (subconsciously) while getting over the last relationship. If you're friends and having a good time together, then what's the harm to let it sit for a while? But you might let him know that you are still on the rebound and it will take a while for your endorphins to settle into normal. Because that's exactly what it going on.
I've recently started dating someone and have been trying to figure out what I want to do about this, so I figured I'd open the topic up and see what you all have to say.
First off, some background: We knew each other about 2 years ago (played on the same recreational sport team) and I remember thinking he was a decent enough guy, though we didn't talk that much. After the season ended we lost contact until we randomly ran into each other about 2 months ago. Since then we've been talking essentially every day (typically online or via phone) and have been out a handful of times. I've been intentionally moving it slow, because when we "reunited" it was right after I got confirmation that a dying relationship was truly dead. Though it was a short thing, I had strong feelings for the guy and didn't want to jump into anything new.
So this new guy is really nice, great to talk to (obviously, since we do it so often), makes me laugh, fairly intelligent, and is pretty attractive. We also have a good deal in common. Sounds perfect, right? The only thing is that I'm not really feeling any "spark" or "something special". It's not that I find him unattractive, it's just that I'm only just attracted "enough", if that makes any sense. I don't feel the same tingles and excitement as I did with the last one. I definitely don't want to lead him on, but also don't want to kill something before giving it a chance because I'm harboring some silly romantic notion that, in reality, has little weight or substance.
Thoughts? Cut him loose before I hurt him? Give it a chance? Relax, I'm worrying too early?
It sounds like you're not over the other guy. The new guy sounds like a good thing, you just are a little wrapped up emotionally to see that picture objectively. Don't throw it away.. give yourself some time to process the other dude out. If you don't want to 'lead on' the new guy, just don't get too romantic while you are not sure emotionally. In any case, you need to be sure about your position with the new guy and act accordingly.
I've recently started dating someone and have been trying to figure out what I want to do about this, so I figured I'd open the topic up and see what you all have to say.
First off, some background: We knew each other about 2 years ago (played on the same recreational sport team) and I remember thinking he was a decent enough guy, though we didn't talk that much. After the season ended we lost contact until we randomly ran into each other about 2 months ago. Since then we've been talking essentially every day (typically online or via phone) and have been out a handful of times. I've been intentionally moving it slow, because when we "reunited" it was right after I got confirmation that a dying relationship was truly dead. Though it was a short thing, I had strong feelings for the guy and didn't want to jump into anything new.
So this new guy is really nice, great to talk to (obviously, since we do it so often), makes me laugh, fairly intelligent, and is pretty attractive. We also have a good deal in common. Sounds perfect, right? The only thing is that I'm not really feeling any "spark" or "something special". It's not that I find him unattractive, it's just that I'm only just attracted "enough", if that makes any sense. I don't feel the same tingles and excitement as I did with the last one. I definitely don't want to lead him on, but also don't want to kill something before giving it a chance because I'm harboring some silly romantic notion that, in reality, has little weight or substance.
Thoughts? Cut him loose before I hurt him? Give it a chance? Relax, I'm worrying too early?
Go slow and relax a bit. You aren't over the other relationship yet and just need more time. Be sure he understands you are really enjoying getting to know him but that you want to be careful not to jump into a rebound relationship.
Thanks, everyone! Right now one of my biggest fears is inadvertently hurting him or leading him on, so I wanted to get opinions on whether I was being completely ridiculous/selfish for still wanting to continue getting to know him, regardless of my hesitations.
Go slow and relax a bit. You aren't over the other relationship yet and just need more time. Be sure he understands you are really enjoying getting to know him but that you want to be careful not to jump into a rebound relationship.
Ditto.
After a serious relationship ended I jumped way too quickly into the next one and the poor guy didn't have much of a chance at first. I probably compared him to my ex subconsciously although I tried not to. He just didn't make my heart skip a beat or send sparks flying when he kissed me. Well several months later, he was sending sparks flying through the ceiling and rocking my world. Sigh! The relationship didn't last but I realized that in some cases, especially when you're still mourning a previous relationship, sparks don't happen right away.
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