Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
This is a situation between a dear friend and a gal we both know.
He is 43 and she is 23. She is really intelligent, mature for her age, very pretty and an all around fun gal. We tend to forget how young she is when we are with her, but we only see her in social settings.
They grew attracted to each other and started spending time together. During this time, he decided that he was going to help her as she is ready to start making some positive changes to her life. She's not doing poorly, but it is about that time that she start thinking about her future and start upping the quality of people she tends to run with (this is how she feels about it, and I agree).
He bought her a GED study guide, has helped her with practice testing, did some research to find her medical assistance (she works but doesn't have health insurance and they dropped her hours to less than part-time) and he has taken her out to some nice places for dinner/drinks to show her a nice time.
Fast forward to now, he has lost interest in pursuing a romance. Her age is showing in ways that just won't gel with his lifestyle (she likes to go out a lot) and she has shown an arrogance/rudeness about her that pretty much turned him off. For example, she talks a lot about her exes and guys that want to be with her. She will also take calls from people (including a guy who likes her) and stay on the phone for over an hour when she is at his house. She said "Well, this is who I am. Take it or leave it." when he brought it to her attention. Well, he wants to leave it.
This doesn't totally define her as a person. But as a partner, he doesn't see a future there and he isn't one to be with a gal just for sex. If there is no forward progress, they can remain friends or part ways. He's really offended by her lack of respect, so it's to the point that he doesn't really want to be around her. But he also feels obligated to continue to help her since he offered to do so.
Continue helping, but pull back with the amount of time spent doing so. It's clear she is not as mature as she could be and it sounds like she is not truly appreciative of this man's efforts. But that's just me. Most guys would run for the hills.
I am having trouble comprehending how you think this girl is intelligent and very mature for her age after treating someone who is willing to help her in such a way?
She sounds like an ungrateful @zz to me. He doesn't owe any help to her. Maybe if she would learn to pull herself up by her own accords, she would be more along the likes of your initial assessment of her.
He has to cut back. She took advantage of his kindness.
And, it's his fault too. He THOUGHT she was mature. Did a 43-year-old man REALLY think that a woman 20 years his junior would display the maturity and manners that a well-rounded woman of his age would display? That she's rude and snotty is no surprise given her young age. That he thought she'd not display it, if I read correctly, is.
I mean, I've dated women in their late 20s and early and mid 30s who were as bratty as this girl. What was he thinking?
He has to cut back. She took advantage of his kindness.
And, it's his fault too. He THOUGHT she was mature. Did a 43-year-old man REALLY think that a woman 20 years his junior would display the maturity and manners that a well-rounded woman of his age would display? That she's rude and snotty is no surprise given her young age. That he thought she'd not display it, if I read correctly, is.
I mean, I've dated women in their late 20s and early and mid 30s who were as bratty as this girl. What was he thinking?
One word: DISENGAGE.
And even then at that age, some folks continue to be immature.
I think that's just one of those things people sincerely mean at some point, but will not follow through with if the circumstances change. It's natural, in my opinion.
When I met my ex-husband I mentioned I needed to go next year to my home country to take care of stuff and he professed he'd come with me and help me no matter how our relationship progresses because he wants to have me even as a friend in his life. Was it really going to happen if we didn't get involved romantically? I don't believe so. Do people necessarily lie at the time? I don’t think so, either. You just have noble intentions you believe in at the time.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,010,901 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate
This is a situation between a dear friend and a gal we both know.
He is 43 and she is 23. She is really intelligent, mature for her age, very pretty and an all around fun gal. We tend to forget how young she is when we are with her, but we only see her in social settings.
They grew attracted to each other and started spending time together. During this time, he decided that he was going to help her as she is ready to start making some positive changes to her life. She's not doing poorly, but it is about that time that she start thinking about her future and start upping the quality of people she tends to run with (this is how she feels about it, and I agree).
He bought her a GED study guide, has helped her with practice testing, did some research to find her medical assistance (she works but doesn't have health insurance and they dropped her hours to less than part-time) and he has taken her out to some nice places for dinner/drinks to show her a nice time.
Fast forward to now, he has lost interest in pursuing a romance. Her age is showing in ways that just won't gel with his lifestyle (she likes to go out a lot) and she has shown an arrogance/rudeness about her that pretty much turned him off. For example, she talks a lot about her exes and guys that want to be with her. She will also take calls from people (including a guy who likes her) and stay on the phone for over an hour when she is at his house. She said "Well, this is who I am. Take it or leave it." when he brought it to her attention. Well, he wants to leave it.
This doesn't totally define her as a person. But as a partner, he doesn't see a future there and he isn't one to be with a gal just for sex. If there is no forward progress, they can remain friends or part ways. He's really offended by her lack of respect, so it's to the point that he doesn't really want to be around her. But he also feels obligated to continue to help her since he offered to do so.
What would you do?
Know what this sounds like it turned into? A father/daughter relationship.
Oh yeah, to answer the question--I'd just move on. She's probably not going to follow through and if she does, she won't appreciate his help.
Last edited by Whyte Byrd; 08-03-2010 at 11:37 AM..
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,010,901 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by MattB4
Sounds incestuous.
Does not sound like it will work out. Always a danger when the disparity between worlds is high.
I certainly didn't mean it like that. I meant the way she's acting all bratty and he's offended by the lack of respect, the gap that's beginning to appear, his wanting to help her when it's clearly not her priority....
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
