Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow
Be courteous and kind.
Then just give it time. Once you see that he really has changed, you will be OK. He needs to demonstrate to you that he has really done it this time. Don't give him money, a job, or introduce him to anyone, or do anything that could reflect badly on you. It's very common for addicts to relapse and have to go through the rehab thing several times before it sticks.
People can change. My sister did all this and worse. She and her friends were a crime wave. Real life and about 100K worth of medical and therapy finally straightened her out and today she is relatively normal and works for a living. She went nuts in 1984 and did just about every bad thing you could imagine. She totally destroyed my parents and they were never the same. Strange thing, through all this, my mom supported her and gave her money. My sister got money and I had to pick up all the pieces. Once I even recovered a bunch of what she stole by going to pawn shops till I found the stuff. I wasn't able to get back any of my stuff because I didn't have serial numbers to prove it was mine.
I did to a large extent forgive her. But I'm not stupid enough to forget what she is capable of doing. I am happy she has a normal person life now and I hope it continues. I talk to her a few times a year and we occasionally swap email. I told her a long time ago if she really wanted a sister, she had to pay me back what she stole from me and my half of what she took from our parents. Fair is fair especially since I was the one who had to cope with all the mess she created and my parents mental and physical issues she caused.
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This is a lot like our situation and were right in the middle of it. At this point my mom is paying for all his court fines (DUI, Possession w intent to distribute, evading arrest, driving with a suspended license etc). He's emotionally and financially bleeding my parents dry. With the costs of rehab and his stint in the ER for a seizure and rent at the halfway house (because he cant get a job due to his criminal history). But I really feel entitled to an apology, those four years + of my life I feel he robbed me of, and the physical things he stole as well. I doubt this will be the last time. He doesn't take the NA meetings seriously (makes jokes about peoples stories) and claims everyone is WAY worse off then he is.
Im sure this is just the start to a loooong road to come
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