MY girlfriend complains I'm too "jokey", never serious (attracted, American)
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My girlfriend complains that I'm too "jokey", always being a clown, throwing line after line, being "on", and in character even when she wants to be serious and make a serious emotional connection or something.
The thing is that, what initally attracted her was me being a clown. And thats what I did through all her dates. Its my job to provide entertainment. Thats the bargain. So shes telling me not to hold up my side of the deal, which is to bring the comedy. Sure she says it ok now. But obviously if I ever did do that, she would be real pissed that I'm not doing my part. She THINKS she wants me to be "Serious", "myself" the "real me" and to stop "acting". But like I said if I ever did that, she'd wonder what the point of this relationship is.
Its not neccesarily that I'm always telling jokes. She just feels like I'm playing a part, playing a character or something, 24/7.
Some topics sometimes need serious discussion, and the state of the relationship and its future are usually in that group. You can amuse her the rest of the time - but only if you manage to keep her around. (Of course, perhaps you don't care about her, the relationship, or keeping her in your life?)
My girlfriend complains that I'm too "jokey", always being a clown, throwing line after line, being "on", and in character even when she wants to be serious and make a serious emotional connection or something.
The thing is that, what initally attracted her was me being a clown. And thats what I did through all her dates. Its my job to provide entertainment. Thats the bargain. So shes telling me not to hold up my side of the deal, which is to bring the comedy. Sure she says it ok now. But obviously if I ever did do that, she would be real pissed that I'm not doing my part. She THINKS she wants me to be "Serious", "myself" the "real me" and to stop "acting". But like I said if I ever did that, she'd wonder what the point of this relationship is.
Its not neccesarily that I'm always telling jokes. She just feels like I'm playing a part, playing a character or something, 24/7.
Advice?
Well if she says "My cat just died" and you respond with "Gee I thought they had 9 lives" then I can understand. You can't be funny 24/7. No one is funny 24/7.
Anyways it can be annoying so I suggest to use humour only in situations where it is warranted.
Well if she says "My cat just died" and you respond with "Gee I thought they had 9 lives" then I can understand. You can't be funny 24/7. No one is funny 24/7.
Anyways it can be annoying so I suggest to use humour only in situations where it is warranted.
Agreed. Being jovial and good-humored at all times is one thing. But making a joke out of everything is annoying. If your girlfriend wants to discuss something serious with you, then chill out and just listen.
My girlfriend complains that I'm too "jokey", always being a clown, throwing line after line, being "on", and in character even when she wants to be serious and make a serious emotional connection or something.
The thing is that, what initally attracted her was me being a clown. And thats what I did through all her dates. Its my job to provide entertainment. Thats the bargain. So shes telling me not to hold up my side of the deal, which is to bring the comedy. Sure she says it ok now. But obviously if I ever did do that, she would be real pissed that I'm not doing my part. She THINKS she wants me to be "Serious", "myself" the "real me" and to stop "acting". But like I said if I ever did that, she'd wonder what the point of this relationship is.
Its not neccesarily that I'm always telling jokes. She just feels like I'm playing a part, playing a character or something, 24/7.
Advice?
You sound pretty insecure to me--like you think people won't like you unless you're being funny. Like when you said, "She THINKS she wants me to be "Serious", "myself" the "real me" and to stop "acting". But like I said if I ever did that, she'd wonder what the point of this relationship is." I'm sure she enjoys your humor when it's time for humor, but there are times when it's not called for and then it's just plain annoying. Why don't you try serious for once (in the right context) and see how it goes? Humor gets the girl, but it doesn't keep the girl.
And now for a remark about culture: I noticed when I was traveling extensively a few years ago that there was always some "wiseguy" in the tour who kept throwing out one-liners and wisecracks, and it's always an American. People from other cultures seem to find it pretty annoying. Just a thought.
I have had that problem as well, and I think your girlfriend is right. On a level, I definatly do it to avoid intimacy. But then again the right person can pull down my jokey walls and get the deeper levels of me, but it has been a lonnnnnnng time since that happened.
I leave out the scary or bad details of almost every story, and so no one ever thinks I need help, they allways think I am fine because I don't want to bother people with my problems, because like you, I want to be the helper, or cheerer-upper of everyone else.
It can be lonley some times though, when you only ever have your "game" face on....
Strike a balance. If you are conscientious enough to post about it here the way you have, then you already know the right thing to do.
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