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Why would you invite someone of the opposite sex on a trip knowing before hand nothing is going to happen?
Old fashion. At one time, this was not uncommon. Only recently has the hook up culture made "something happening" an almost sure thing, at least for the 20% of men in at least some demand by women.
OP needs to understand that:
1) Women want certain things from men.
2) Women want certain men.
3) Frequently, when they cannot get both in one package, they will work both sides of the street.
Oh don't get me wrong. It's great to have females as friends. But when NONE of them, for years, sees you as more than a friend or brother, you know there is some problem with yourself. Yeah, I sure have lots of sisters but I keep being alone in other areas of life.
Join the club. You can either resign yourself to this or set your sights low and likely end up unhappy with the decision.
Only women have the tools at their disposal to set their sights high and they usually end up unhappy too.
I'm right there with Carra and CoolHand...I think that the woman definitely didn't need to sound so dismissive but I also think that because you overheard it, you heard the truth. She probably didn't know you were listening and spoke her very true feelings.
If you knew there was no chance, why was this such a shock? Perhaps she really values you as a friend (I mean ya'll took a trip together) but looks as you more like a brother so of course she's going to say it like that ..."Oh he knows there's no chance..."....
Try not to focus on the words but think bigger about your current friendship. if it's just friends, then this shouldn't have hurt your feelings...
Way to make a mountain out of a molehill! As it was already mentioned, nobody knows what the other person said. Heck, they might've been talking about something as mundane as somebody applying for a job, let's say.
It sound like you are projecting your own low-self esteem onto the conversation. You should have kept to your original plan and let fate take its course.
I agree. All this over one statement that you don't even know what exactly it was in regards to.
At least she talks to you at all and considers you a friend. You should realize that it is equally annoying for her to have to balance friendship against your romantic intentions. She just doesn't like you that way, period. Why even ask why? I'm sure there are girls that you aren't attracted to, and you don't owe THEM an explanation. I do see why you are offended by rejection, but also realize that it was not pleasant nor comfortable for her this whole entire time if you had been trying to hint at your intentions... while she is trying to maintain a natural friendship.
As an aside -- If a girl isn't good enough to be a friend if she's not interested in being romantic with you... then you aren't good enough to be her boyfriend.
I don't think it's her lack of interest that bothers the OP. Like the OP said, what bothers him is the fact that she was so quick to dismiss him. You can say you're not interested without saying no chance at all.
Yeah, I realize that I cannot be sure of what the original context was. I do realize that overall, I'm trying to get some validation. It would really help me to know that I can be attractive to someone, at least some girl out there. Even if it's a girl I don't really like, just knowing that she finds me somewhat attractive would make me feel better. That's why I'm overanalyzing all of this: because that has just never happened, since years ago. This is why hearing that hurts: it's not "she discarded me". It's "yet another girl easily discards me".
I know, you can tell yourself you are great and you don't need anybody. But this can only hold you for so long before the actual reality reaches you.
Yeah, I realize that I cannot be sure of what the original context was. I do realize that overall, I'm trying to get some validation. It would really help me to know that I can be attractive to someone, at least some girl out there. Even if it's a girl I don't really like, just knowing that she finds me somewhat attractive would make me feel better. That's why I'm overanalyzing all of this: because that has just never happened, since years ago. This is why hearing that hurts: it's not "she discarded me". It's "yet another girl easily discards me".
I know, you can tell yourself you are great and you don't need anybody. But this can only hold you for so long before the actual reality reaches you.
It's perfectly understandable why you would want some kind of validation. But have you considered that you may be projecting this need and that it could potentially be turning people off? Women will often say they find confidence extremely attractive. Ask yourself what you would think of a woman who acted like you.
You're obviously close with this woman, enough to travel with her. Why not ask her what it is about you that put you in the friend zone? She might have insight on a particular mannerism or quirk you have that is offputting. Something that you don't see because you don't look at yourself objectively. Keep in mind that you might not like what she says, but if you want things to change in your life it's a good place to start.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 10-13-2010 at 10:14 AM..
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