Women, would you date a guy with a very frugal lifestyle? (wife, marry)
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It depends. Do you make her feel like it's a "special honor" that you are spending money on her when you go out for a nice dinner? Do you try to bargain and squeeze the last cent out of every purchase? Is every decision predicated on cost or expense? If so, forget it.
Would I ever date someone who's frugal? No. And let me tell you why. It has nothing to do with money.
Every guy I've ever dated who was frugal with money always kept score about EVERYTHING. Who kissed who last. Who did who a favor last. There is an invisible scoreboard kept in their minds about who's "ahead" and "winning" in the relationship. They're so afraid of being taken advantage of that they can't let anything slide and keep track of everything. I can't stand being in that kind of relationship, so I would never date someone like that.
If he was frugal with JUST money, and money only, then no, I wouldn't mind, as long as he would like pay for things he NEEDED, like going to the doctor's, etc.
Rags, I believe you will limit your dating pool significantly by your frugal lifestyle whether women are willing to admit it or not.
Why? Because frugal isn't part of mainstream American culture (and women are much more mainstream then men). The majority of women will think your lack of possessions IS a big deal. And many ARE very much impressed by conspicuous consumption. Plus, they themselves like those possessions.
Women don't care if you are on track to retire at 52 because of your smarts and discipline with money... they just want to get onboard in a big nest of consumption to raise the kids in or maybe just impress their friends and family.
And of course it is fatal if you are frugal on dates.
Finally, when you DO see women living frugally, it is usually single mothers with kids who have no choice. Or perhaps older women who already have everything they want.
Would I ever date someone who's frugal? No. And let me tell you why. It has nothing to do with money.
Every guy I've ever dated who was frugal with money always kept score about EVERYTHING. Who kissed who last. Who did who a favor last. There is an invisible scoreboard kept in their minds about who's "ahead" and "winning" in the relationship. They're so afraid of being taken advantage of that they can't let anything slide and keep track of everything. I can't stand being in that kind of relationship, so I would never date someone like that.
If he was frugal with JUST money, and money only, then no, I wouldn't mind, as long as he would like pay for things he NEEDED, like going to the doctor's, etc.
Score keepers, like you describe, can exist with frugal and wastrel personalities. They are more interested in looking like they are winning than the actual savings. These are the type that buy things from coupons even if they have no normal use for the product. They go on about saving money by driving to a gas station across town but are unaware that the drive cost them more than they saved. Penny wise, pound foolish.
I have the option to go about my super frugal life when single and rent a bunch of "stuff" before going on a date with someone. Still cheaper and does the job of making the good first impression. Thing is, most of the women who are impressed by conspicuous consumption won't take the time to think "did this guy pay for all this?", at least not during the critical time when first impressions matter.
I don't mind being with such a woman and supporting her spending habits as long as a) there is genuine interest between us, b) I can afford it, and c) I'm allowed to mind my own business in my own personal spending and continue to be frugal in that respect.
Also I want to emphasize where my frugality lies. I'm certainly not frugal with my dates as long as I can reasonably afford it. I'm also not frugal in the everyday small items like food, toothpaste, etc. I'm very frugal with the sort of big ticket items most people have just for show that I don't have much use for like brand new cars every few years, boats, rare artwork, big houses with swimming pools, etc.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Back to NE
Rags, I believe you will limit your dating pool significantly by your frugal lifestyle whether women are willing to admit it or not.
Why? Because frugal isn't part of mainstream American culture (and women are much more mainstream then men). The majority of women will think your lack of possessions IS a big deal. And many ARE very much impressed by conspicuous consumption. Plus, they themselves like those possessions.
Women don't care if you are on track to retire at 52 because of your smarts and discipline with money... they just want to get onboard in a big nest of consumption to raise the kids in or maybe just impress their friends and family.
And of course it is fatal if you are frugal on dates.
Finally, when you DO see women living frugally, it is usually single mothers with kids who have no choice. Or perhaps older women who already have everything they want.
I agree with foxywench! There is a difference in frugal & cheap,
Cheap - spends less than 90% of what he takes home.
Frugal - spends less than he takes home.
Nice Guy - goes into some manageable debt to spend it on you.
A Catch - spends more than 120% of what he takes home (and has an inheritance coming in to bail him out)
Typical Guy - spends your money since he is living off you. Definitely not "cheap" or frugal.
Cheap - spends less than 90% of what he takes home.
Frugal - spends less than he takes home.
Nice Guy - goes into some manageable debt to spend it on you.
A Catch - spends more than 120% of what he takes home (and has an inheritance coming in to bail him out)
Typical Guy - spends your money since he is living off you. Definitely not "cheap" or frugal.
***** - expects a man to go into debt to spend on her
I always pay attention to how generous a man is in the beginning of a relationship, because he always pares it back, so by the middle of the relationship, he's like 30% less generous than in the beginning.
Of course, this is just generally speaking. I know a guy who makes a woman WORK for it, he insists on splitting everything 50/50 in the beginning until she earns his trust, and then he'll be a little generous here and there.
And I also know men who fall head over heels in love with a woman and completely don't mind spending a little extra on her "just because" they want to, and not because the women ask for or expect it.
But *very generally* speaking, if a guy is stingy in the beginning, he's just going to get more extreme in his stinginess as time goes on.
I personally think 50/50 is unfair if one person is making 6 figures and the other makes $25K a year, regardless of which gender is earning which salary. I think a person should pay proportional to what they earn, and if the person making 6 figures doesn't like it, they should find someone else making 6 figures to date.
By a frugal lifestyle, I don't mean a guy who is rather cheap during dates and stuff..
But a guy who doesn't spend much money on any material possessions other than the absolute necessities (shelter, a basic car, basic furniture, etc.) This guy doesn't blow off his hard earned $$$ on material possessions that don't directly add any value to the relationship and that he has no real need for but everyone else has like big screen TVs, the newest cars, designer furniture, etc.
My yearly salary is easily 5-8 times the net value of all of my material possessions (including my Honda Civic that I've been driving for over a decade ever since receiving it for my 16th birthday and my 3 computers.)
When my current GF and I started dating, she was a bit surprised I could afford to take her to somewhere semi-fancy. I'm very frugal when it comes to my own life but not when I'm spending time with her.
You know, there's a huge difference between being frugal and being downright cheap.
One is sensible, while the other is a pain in the ass. Yet if you talk to people who are just plain cheap, they always describe themselves as frugal. And cheap people can be misery to their significant others. Over the years it can become very tedious to have every single purchase questioned by the skinflint in their lives.
Here's the thing. We save money. We clip coupons. We drive cars until the wheels come off. We save a good percentage of what we make. We have no need for the newest, latest, and greatest (Although I find the iPad to be awfully tempting).
At the same time, there are things where we're not afraid to spend a little money on the pleasures of life. A nice restaurant once or twice a month. One good family vacation a year. Decent furniture and clothes. Because you can't take it with you, and you might as well enjoy life, right?
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