What does it mean to be "over" someone? (dating, girlfriends)
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I am 24 and I have had two girlfriends in a span of about 15 months; none prior.
I've only been on dates with 4 different girls, one when I was 20, one when I was 22, then the two ex's.
I just broke up with my most recent ex. She gave me the "it's not you, it's me" line, though I know it was partially me. We are still friendly, and she wants to be friends. I'm open to that since our relatinoship was mostly platonic anyway and she is a great person to hang out with occasionally.
Anyway: The subject of dating or looking for my next victim... er... potential mate... came up in my own head, and upon research on the internet I found that I shouldn't date until I've gotten over my ex.
My question is: What constitutes being over someone? Especially if she may be a friend in the future.
I guess once you no longer have romantic feelings for that person. I know when you are truly in love with someone, you spend many waking hours thinking of them. Once you are past all of that, I suppose you are over them.
Being over someone is when you start to consider them as only an option.
Let's say you were to break up with someone but still had feelings for them and wanted it to truly work out, then you are not over them.
If you break up with someone and have no desire to be in a relationship with them again and could not care either way if you were to even remain friends....then you are over them. Well at least how I see it. Same goes for friends...
I would define being "over someone" when you reach the point when you accept the relationship is over and you have the ability to move on with someone else and not long for the ex.
1. You've taken time to properly process everything that happened in your previous relationship. You've learned something from it, either confirming what you need that is different from what you got, or knowing yourself a little better for next time.
2. You have no more lingering feelings of attraction for the person. If they came to your door and wanted to reconcile, you wouldn't be interested. You've accepted your life without them in it romantically.
3. You've made space in your life so that you are truly available for someone new to come into it. There's nothing wrong with staying friends with an ex. However, sometimes people use that as an excuse to keep them around in an unhealthy manner, calling them 5 times a day, checking their status constantly on Facebook, making them your top priority where you would rush over there no matter what the hour to fix their leaky sink... at some point those roles need to be filled by other people. If you still have that level of attachment and intimacy, it will squick any new person out.
1. You've taken time to properly process everything that happened in your previous relationship. You've learned something from it, either confirming what you need that is different from what you got, or knowing yourself a little better for next time.
2. You have no more lingering feelings of attraction for the person. If they came to your door and wanted to reconcile, you wouldn't be interested. You've accepted your life without them in it romantically.
3. You've made space in your life so that you are truly available for someone new to come into it. There's nothing wrong with staying friends with an ex. However, sometimes people use that as an excuse to keep them around in an unhealthy manner, calling them 5 times a day, checking their status constantly on Facebook, making them your top priority where you would rush over there no matter what the hour to fix their leaky sink... at some point those roles need to be filled by other people. If you still have that level of attachment and intimacy, it will squick any new person out.
agree with all 3. I'm guilty of 80% in #3. i've broken up with girls and accomplished 1 and 2 but in a few cases i'd be at their beck and call because i guess deep down there was a feeling that if i satisfied their need for a "hero" in their life they'd come back to me. 1 and 2 seem to come with time. #3 has to be up to the person to decide they want to cut ties i guess you could say.
when you feel ok being single and dont feel a huge drive to get another girlfriend (also known as desperation) i think your ready. Basically as long as you dont bring emotional baggage from your previous relationships into your new one.
It means you don't give them a second thought or don't even remember they exist. Pretty hard definition, isn't it?!
You don't have to hate someone to be over them. And a lot of times if someone hates their ex, it means they're not over them.
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