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Well your established "friends" are teasing you. Focus on the not friends and don't let them see you as a friend, or at least as just a friend.
Here is a scenario for ya. Girl shows some interest in you. So you call her up and say "hey, I am going to the concert, club, event or whatever because I really like that or the _____. You should go with me, it will be fun" Or "would you like to go, it will be fun"?
What did you just do with that? You showed confidence by asking her, you showed you have self interests and you have your own life and are setting up so she can be included in your interests.
And if she says no you go anyway and have fun. But if she does go and you are hitting it off if she gets flirty when the time is right go for her hand, or pull her into you and kiss her.
I almost guarantee you after that she will be thinking "whoa this guy is hot, he takes charge, knows what he wants, has his own life and goes on with it either way, but he seems to want me in it". She'll probably be thinking of you as more than a friend at that point.
Ever see a couple on a motorcycle? Ever see the guy on the back and she driving? Would look weird wouldn't it and you would think he was a sissy. She rides on the back, he is driving. He may be driving to where she wants to go or they agreed to where, but he is driving. And she probably respects him when he decides where he wants to go sometimes, not saying he won't go if she don't.
Thanks for the advice. I don't really have any acquaintances to whom I'm attracted. Does that mean I should just suggest something to random girls that catch my eye? It's hard for me to get the courage to actually approach someone like this (it has been hard enough for me to actually approach a friend and ask them out).
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Originally Posted by 415_s2k
I would say that this friend of yours is the exception and not the norm.
Most women I've known say the inverse, that they would absolutely never date a friend - something a few women on here have mentioned, too. I've had many discussions about this, and it's commonly termed "The Friend Zone." Once a woman puts you in the friend zone, chances are good you'll never get out of it.
So, when you befriend a girl and then spend sleepless nights with her on her bed talking about her insecurities and desires and all the things she normally would never tell a soul... when you take her on special little excursions off to nice, special places... you think you're building a romantic connection, she thinks that you're the best guy friend ever.
I've actually managed to date female friends, but in all three situations, there was romantic tension before we got together.
Hmm, alright. This is interesting. What about the cases in which I do find myself falling for a female friend (doesn't really happen that often)? Shouldn't I take a chance regardless? Seeing as how you can't win if you don't try.
plus if im friends with a girl im friends with her to be friends not some other motive where i plan on building up a relationship that i hope turns romantic. too many girls out there to waste time doing that. if a girls a friend i tend to either not or stop viewing her romantically
plus if im friends with a girl im friends with her to be friends not some other motive where i plan on building up a relationship that i hope turns romantic. too many girls out there to waste time doing that. if a girls a friend i tend to either not or stop viewing her romantically
Exactly! if there's anything I am bothered by is men who I become friends with, only to find out a few months later, he was really trying to date me all along
Now a man I'm acquainted with through school or through other friends or whatever else, that wouldn't bother me if he pursued me, regardless of my interest because it makes things way less awkward and tricky on both parties. You don't wanna be that creepy guy who becomes friends with women, only with an ulterior motive of being in relationship with her (especially if she hasn't shown any romantic interest-double awkward!), unless there's been an interest all along..because a friend zone is the friend zone for a reason. Either way, I think every situation is different and it could be different for some, but that is my point of view, from the female perspective.
Several of my friends were sitting around chatting, and then the topic of relationships came up. One of my female friends remarked that girls like it when you start out as friends first and then go into a relationship. How much truth is to this statement? Is it something that varies from girl to girl? Is it something that a majority of girls agree with?
I just ask because, well, I'm not the most confident person and have only asked out friends in the past. Even when I thought that something was there, some sort of spark, it didn't work out. The girl invariably doesn't feel the same way. Maybe it's because I'm just really bad at reading signals. Maybe it's because I don't know how to make myself look attractive to girls (although, I just act as myself).
It CAN vary from girl to girl, but let me tell you, after my experiences with women, it's a load. It depends on whether they're attracted to you, and you'll know it. There will be a click or a spark that you'll notice, and she'll do all the flirty things--touch, twirling hair, laughing at jokes you tell that aren't funny and almost everything you say.
You'll get into the friend zone if they're not attracted to you, but if they are into you, even right off the bat they won't be making you a BFF.
Don't get me wrong. I don't get into friendships with the motive to eventually get into a relationship. I would never do that. Just, in these past instances, I've developed friendships, and then developed feelings for that person over time.
Good relationships that last are oftentimes friendships that caught fire. It's always good to be friends before you start dating or sleeping together. My advice is to marry your best friend.
One of my exes had tons of guy friends who all quite transparently wanted to date her. She was friends with them, but had no respect for them as men and even mocked them behind their backs (yes, I knoiw, but this is an ex and I was too blinded at the time to see that character flaw). It was one of the things that distinguished me in her eyes that I made it very clear what I wanted.
Most women will say that they want a friend who will take it slow, but the reality is that the agressive salesman is the one who closes the deal. That may not be what you wanted to hear, but its what you NEED to hear.
I'm not saying it isn't impossible for a friendship to go to romance, but it is extremely unlikely and there is no point waiting years to date someone or even months. If both parties are attracted and single, there shouldn't be any drama about it. But yet these friendship couplings seem to be nothing but drama for all involved, including your mutual friends.
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But we DO know whom we don't want, that's for sure.
