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I have been in a relationship with an abusive man for about four years (more like an adolescent) who I know intellectually is immature, irresponsible, sociopathic, rude, unreliable, disrespectful and a host of other bad adjectives, but somehow it is difficult for me to sometimes see an objective view of who he truly is has a person. I seem to have an idealized view of him and want to find some good in him as a person no matter what he does, but his character is truly bad. He has repeatedly emotionally, psychologically, and physically abused me in various ways. I was wondering if there was anyone on this forum who has been thru this in a relationship or understand this behavior I describe and thinks it is bad or if I am exaggerting the behavior he does. He has shoved me, he will make plans and stand me up on important holidays, never show up Xmas, Thanksgiving, buy me gifts, steal money from me, repeatedly not return money I give him or lend him, lie to me, disappear, abuse drugs, force sex acts on me, say he loves me and forget Valentines Day, never remember my Birthday, get drunk and verbally abuse me, promise to pick me up places and never show up. The list goes on. He says he lives with his Mother to assist her as she is elderly, but he is an ex-con and he has not done anything for her or upkeep for the house. She is very upset with him and he does not help her financially and is out of work a lot. He never seems to have any money. He has always had an alcohol and addiciton problem. He is 58 years old and at first I thought he was taking care of his Mother, but in fact it is the other way around and he is taking advantage of her, as he seems to take advantage of me and others. I am embarassed to say that I was interested in him also.
I know I need to speak with a counselor on a long term basis, but I cannot afford this. I have been to a counselor and a group for the short term on a low cost basis and see it is abuse and see the damage and the bad person he is, but it is hard for me to believe that he is really this way when I hear it. It is as if I have this false belief that he is not truly that bad. I was wondering if anyone has been thru this and felt this way about a significant other or wife or husband. I realize I am not alone with this, but it is diffcult. How do you accept that a human being is truly a bad person? I know what he has done to me is wrong and horrible, but how can he not change this behavior? How can he say he loves me and do that? I now know I am not the bad person and cause of his bad behavior and I am trying tonever go back to him, but I cannot seem to understand that he is a bad person. I am afraid I may go back again to this man. I have moved out of state successfully for a year and a half and it helped me, but he drew me back in. I am now regretting that and accepting my mistake, but I am planning to move away far again and this time I do not want to make the same return again. Thank you.
Most likely you will go back to him,
You havent learned to love yourself, thats why you will take any in any kind of what you call love
You have to end this cycle and realize you deserve better,
You have a pattern and its an unhealthy one,
If you dont want to move than dont move, its how you feel about yourself, if you dont change then wherever you move to the same thing will just happen there,
This man is no good for no one..not even the dogs,
He may not think what he is doing is wrong, his mother may complain but she is also enabling him to continue doing it in her house,
The easiest thing you can do is leave him alone, because if you dont then your going to have a hard life with him
Take the time to get to know yourself, join activities, surround yourself with positive people,
DONT GO BACK
I have been in a relationship with an abusive man for about four years (more like an adolescent) who I know intellectually is immature, irresponsible, sociopathic, rude, unreliable, disrespectful and a host of other bad adjectives, but somehow it is difficult for me to sometimes see an objective view of who he truly is has a person. I seem to have an idealized view of him and want to find some good in him as a person no matter what he does, but his character is truly bad. He has repeatedly emotionally, psychologically, and physically abused me in various ways. I was wondering if there was anyone on this forum who has been thru this in a relationship or understand this behavior I describe and thinks it is bad or if I am exaggerting the behavior he does. He has shoved me, he will make plans and stand me up on important holidays, never show up Xmas, Thanksgiving, buy me gifts, steal money from me, repeatedly not return money I give him or lend him, lie to me, disappear, abuse drugs, force sex acts on me, say he loves me and forget Valentines Day, never remember my Birthday, get drunk and verbally abuse me, promise to pick me up places and never show up. The list goes on. He says he lives with his Mother to assist her as she is elderly, but he is an ex-con and he has not done anything for her or upkeep for the house. She is very upset with him and he does not help her financially and is out of work a lot. He never seems to have any money. He has always had an alcohol and addiciton problem. He is 58 years old and at first I thought he was taking care of his Mother, but in fact it is the other way around and he is taking advantage of her, as he seems to take advantage of me and others. I am embarassed to say that I was interested in him also.
I know I need to speak with a counselor on a long term basis, but I cannot afford this. I have been to a counselor and a group for the short term on a low cost basis and see it is abuse and see the damage and the bad person he is, but it is hard for me to believe that he is really this way when I hear it. It is as if I have this false belief that he is not truly that bad. I was wondering if anyone has been thru this and felt this way about a significant other or wife or husband. I realize I am not alone with this, but it is diffcult. How do you accept that a human being is truly a bad person? I know what he has done to me is wrong and horrible, but how can he not change this behavior? How can he say he loves me and do that? I now know I am not the bad person and cause of his bad behavior and I am trying tonever go back to him, but I cannot seem to understand that he is a bad person. I am afraid I may go back again to this man. I have moved out of state successfully for a year and a half and it helped me, but he drew me back in. I am now regretting that and accepting my mistake, but I am planning to move away far again and this time I do not want to make the same return again. Thank you.
I have been in a relationship with an abusive man for about four years (more like an adolescent) who I know intellectually is immature, irresponsible, sociopathic, rude, unreliable, disrespectful and a host of other bad adjectives, but somehow it is difficult for me to sometimes see an objective view of who he truly is has a person. I seem to have an idealized view of him and want to find some good in him as a person no matter what he does, but his character is truly bad. He has repeatedly emotionally, psychologically, and physically abused me in various ways. I was wondering if there was anyone on this forum who has been thru this in a relationship or understand this behavior I describe and thinks it is bad or if I am exaggerting the behavior he does. He has shoved me, he will make plans and stand me up on important holidays, never show up Xmas, Thanksgiving, buy me gifts, steal money from me, repeatedly not return money I give him or lend him, lie to me, disappear, abuse drugs, force sex acts on me, say he loves me and forget Valentines Day, never remember my Birthday, get drunk and verbally abuse me, promise to pick me up places and never show up. The list goes on. He says he lives with his Mother to assist her as she is elderly, but he is an ex-con and he has not done anything for her or upkeep for the house. She is very upset with him and he does not help her financially and is out of work a lot. He never seems to have any money. He has always had an alcohol and addiciton problem. He is 58 years old and at first I thought he was taking care of his Mother, but in fact it is the other way around and he is taking advantage of her, as he seems to take advantage of me and others. I am embarassed to say that I was interested in him also.
I know I need to speak with a counselor on a long term basis, but I cannot afford this. I have been to a counselor and a group for the short term on a low cost basis and see it is abuse and see the damage and the bad person he is, but it is hard for me to believe that he is really this way when I hear it. It is as if I have this false belief that he is not truly that bad. I was wondering if anyone has been thru this and felt this way about a significant other or wife or husband. I realize I am not alone with this, but it is diffcult. How do you accept that a human being is truly a bad person? I know what he has done to me is wrong and horrible, but how can he not change this behavior? How can he say he loves me and do that? I now know I am not the bad person and cause of his bad behavior and I am trying tonever go back to him, but I cannot seem to understand that he is a bad person. I am afraid I may go back again to this man. I have moved out of state successfully for a year and a half and it helped me, but he drew me back in. I am now regretting that and accepting my mistake, but I am planning to move away far again and this time I do not want to make the same return again. Thank you.
When my marriage ended I was tired of being the nice guy, and drinking heavily. I wasn't looking for anything long term, was just trying to get even with womankind, and was angry and mean. I don't think I've ever been more attractive to the opposite sex in my life! They were literally fighting over me some nights in the bars. So many of them were going to fix me.
I was out singing one night and I won the competition. This stunning woman was upset because I sang Sweet Caroline in front of a bunch of rowdy bikers and walked ontop the bar while doing it (good friends with the owner doesn't hurt) and beat her because I got the crowd into it. She was hot and I was with a pretty fine looking thing that night, but considered holding her in reserve. So I said let me make it up to you. Come to this other bar tomorrow and we'll sing a few duets. However I had made the same offer to several other people that same night.
Well she took that as a date offer. And showed up dressed to kill. Hair done, heels, possibly an entire makeover. I noticed her instantly, but there was one hitch. I didn't even remember her from the previous night. I was good at being a bar host, working a crowd, but I might not even know your name. She at one point figured that out. Knew I was with another girl, and just shallowly said what I said to her and then forgot about it...so I struck out right? No, I ended up with her in a hotel that night, after a big brew ha ha of dumping the other girl. And she's this very religious, not before marriage kinda girl, but she made an exception for me! At one point during our dating she even theorized I was possessed by the devil. And 50 friends would tell her so what's the attraction? She actually told people..."once I straighten him out"...ROFLMAO! I was a bastard to her the whole time.
We have a lot of common friends. We're pretty friendly with each other, we actually get along great, apart. But it still gets back to me..."I'm happy for him that he sobered up and got his life back together but why couldn't he do it for me?"
It's because change has to come from within. Because change has to be desired from the person themselves, not outside influences. If there's something major wrong with him/her and YOU'RE wildly attracted to them, there's something MAJOR WRONG with you too! Ying/Yang..if they're a huge problem..you're the huge enabler.
When my marriage ended I was tired of being the nice guy, and drinking heavily. I wasn't looking for anything long term, was just trying to get even with womankind, and was angry and mean. I don't think I've ever been more attractive to the opposite sex in my life! They were literally fighting over me some nights in the bars. So many of them were going to fix me.
I was out singing one night and I won the competition. This stunning woman was upset because I sang Sweet Caroline in front of a bunch of rowdy bikers and walked ontop the bar while doing it (good friends with the owner doesn't hurt) and beat her because I got the crowd into it. She was hot and I was with a pretty fine looking thing that night, but considered holding her in reserve. So I said let me make it up to you. Come to this other bar tomorrow and we'll sing a few duets. However I had made the same offer to several other people that same night.
Well she took that as a date offer. And showed up dressed to kill. Hair done, heels, possibly an entire makeover. I noticed her instantly, but there was one hitch. I didn't even remember her from the previous night. I was good at being a bar host, working a crowd, but I might not even know your name. She at one point figured that out. Knew I was with another girl, and just shallowly said what I said to her and then forgot about it...so I struck out right? No, I ended up with her in a hotel that night, after a big brew ha ha of dumping the other girl. And she's this very religious, not before marriage kinda girl, but she made an exception for me! At one point during our dating she even theorized I was possessed by the devil. And 50 friends would tell her so what's the attraction? She actually told people..."once I straighten him out"...ROFLMAO! I was a bastard to her the whole time.
We have a lot of common friends. We're pretty friendly with each other, we actually get along great, apart. But it still gets back to me..."I'm happy for him that he sobered up and got his life back together but why couldn't he do it for me?"
It's because change has to come from within. Because change has to be desired from the person themselves, not outside influences. If there's something major wrong with him/her and YOU'RE wildly attracted to them, there's something MAJOR WRONG with you too! Ying/Yang..if they're a huge problem..you're the huge enabler.
This is sooo true.
You can say just about whatever you want to a woman. If it pi$$es her off it's even better. Somehow it turns her buttons on and she has to even the score somehow.
Weird how it all works. Some of the biggest Jerks get the hot girls. WHY? Well, there you have it.
"I'd hook up with you if you were available."
Sounds pretty bold for a guy to say that to a gal. However, she would be offended and ticked at first. Few days later, she feels as if you wouldn't be a bad lay. Next thing you know it you get a phone call from the gal and she says...
When my marriage ended I was tired of being the nice guy, and drinking heavily. I wasn't looking for anything long term, was just trying to get even with womankind, and was angry and mean. I don't think I've ever been more attractive to the opposite sex in my life! They were literally fighting over me some nights in the bars. So many of them were going to fix me.
I was out singing one night and I won the competition. This stunning woman was upset because I sang Sweet Caroline in front of a bunch of rowdy bikers and walked ontop the bar while doing it (good friends with the owner doesn't hurt) and beat her because I got the crowd into it. She was hot and I was with a pretty fine looking thing that night, but considered holding her in reserve. So I said let me make it up to you. Come to this other bar tomorrow and we'll sing a few duets. However I had made the same offer to several other people that same night.
Well she took that as a date offer. And showed up dressed to kill. Hair done, heels, possibly an entire makeover. I noticed her instantly, but there was one hitch. I didn't even remember her from the previous night. I was good at being a bar host, working a crowd, but I might not even know your name. She at one point figured that out. Knew I was with another girl, and just shallowly said what I said to her and then forgot about it...so I struck out right? No, I ended up with her in a hotel that night, after a big brew ha ha of dumping the other girl. And she's this very religious, not before marriage kinda girl, but she made an exception for me! At one point during our dating she even theorized I was possessed by the devil. And 50 friends would tell her so what's the attraction? She actually told people..."once I straighten him out"...ROFLMAO! I was a bastard to her the whole time.
We have a lot of common friends. We're pretty friendly with each other, we actually get along great, apart. But it still gets back to me..."I'm happy for him that he sobered up and got his life back together but why couldn't he do it for me?"
It's because change has to come from within. Because change has to be desired from the person themselves, not outside influences. If there's something major wrong with him/her and YOU'RE wildly attracted to them, there's something MAJOR WRONG with you too! Ying/Yang..if they're a huge problem..you're the huge enabler.
i'm a much more reserved guy in person so i only screwed up one girls head up after my marriage and i'm glad. i feel bad to this day i told this woman i loved her.
but geez it sounds like you had some fun anyway. you re-married now?
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