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Go ahead and judge me negatively, then; that's certainly your right, and I won't stop or prevent you. But remember that you don't "know" the real me, either...and the text below, is filled with assumptions, some of which perhaps may be true, but by no means all, in my own humble opinion.
Its not an opinion. Its an impression. I clearly stated that. Impressions can only be gathered through reasonable assumptions measured against real data. I cant have an opinion of someone whom Ive never met nor experienced the company of. But whatever, rationalize your dismissiveness however you want. Its not like it isnt predictable at this point. But for the record, the whole love shy theory is probably dismissed as opinion by much of society as well.
P.S. - you also have a very fragile ego. You internalize things too much. People can make constructive criticism after you have requested their advice, and you perceive anything that isnt "empathy/sympathy" as "negative judgement".(which you implied that sympathy is actually the feedback you truly seek from the outset - since according to you gay men garner more sympathy from women)
But the thing is, you've asked for and have been given a lot of great advice. You've said that you appreciated it, but if you don't actually take some of it to heart and change your outlook and behavior, it means nothing. As the saying goes, "if you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you've always got."
I do agree with, and will attempt to apply and put into practice, a good portion of the advice I was given. But absolutely every single point that was given or made? No. I am not an automaton. Again, I am not a "yes man".
P.S. - you also have a very fragile ego. You internalize things too much. People can make constructive criticism after you have requested their advice, and you perceive anything that isnt "empathy/sympathy" as "negative judgement".(which you implied that sympathy is actually the feedback you truly seek from the outset - since according to you gay men garner more sympathy from women)
Those are your words, not mine; I never said that. In fact if you recall, I specifically adapted, changed, and revised my thinking about certain facets of my own opinion, following excellent feedback from h886, beachmel, and several others. The whole bit about "gay men receiving straight female sympathy" was a cultural observation about society in general, going back to 2000 or thereabouts, as I stated.
If you call someone "weak" and "weird", then how is s/he supposed to interpret it exactly, except as an insult? For that matter, when did I ever attack you like that, in a similar fashion? You could have used other, less-strong or less-negative words to emphasize your same point, and without the same resoundingly negative and overly-critical tone.
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 03-01-2011 at 10:14 AM..
Reason: Updated language
Those are your words, not mine; I never said that. In fact if you recall, I specifically adapted, changed, and revised my thinking about certain facets of my own opinion, following excellent feedback from h886, beachmel, and several others. The whole bit about "gay men receiving straight female sympathy" was a cultural observation about society in general, going back to 2000 or thereabouts, as I stated.
If you call someone "weak" and "weird", then how is s/he supposed to interpret it exactly, except as an insult? For that matter, when did I ever attack you like that, in a similar fashion? You could have used other, less-strong or less-negative words to emphasize your same point, and without the same resoundingly negative and overly-critical tone.
did you ever just sit back and just listen to yourself? hopefully some day you'll just shake your head and laugh (when you think back) as you're crawling into bed with your wife. my God man you give me a headache.
You say you used a matchmaker and a dating coach. What did they say were the reasons you're having trouble with dating?
Off-line matchmaking service, not an individual matchmaker per se. Dating coach said a few times that they felt I was coming across as "too nice" to girls, that I "wasn't selective enough" about who I dated, that I needed to project a more "alpha" image, and not be as afraid to challenge the girls I was dating verbally. Things like that.
It may be *your* view that my Internet relationships were not "real", but it is just that -- your own individual view.
When I was about 20 I got bitten by the internet dating thing, and like you I wasn't super experienced with relationships etc. I was talking to this girl in NJ and things were going good (few months) and we talked about meeting etc. I sent my picture over, and she thought I looked good, but then she sent her picture, it was NOT good, at least not for my tastes, relationship ended, I lost interest.
My point is during the process I felt like I was in a relationship and I would have bitten the head off of anyone to differ with that opinion. But I was wrong, we didnt even meet in person, and it turned out the chemistry wasnt there (yes it matters). I realized that I wasn't in a real relationship back then when I finally WAS in a real one a few years later. I think letting go of the notion that an ONLY online relationship is a relationship is a step in the right direction IMO
Not particularly. Just kinda tired about ppl making assumptions and automatically assuming them to be true, and then compounding it by essentially "speaking for me", on my behalf, as though I actually said it to begin with...
Also the things that some ppl have alleged, such as that I'm "weak", "weird, "acting like a gay guy"...I'm really not even sure where that's coming from... All I know is, even if I really felt that way about someone, I would never actually say it, to their face...
I do agree with, and will attempt to apply and put into practice, a good portion of the advice I was given. But absolutely every single point that was given or made? No. I am not an automaton. Again, I am not a "yes man".
It has nothing to do with being a yes man. Nothing at all. It is about looking at the whole picture and being humble enough to realize that maybe, just maybe, this is a line of thought you need to consider.
I don't believe people are reiterating over and over that the online relationship was not a real one to be mean and hurtful. (In case you were thinking that). It just that when you understand the validity or lack of validity of this online relationship, that will be a big step forward because it will be apparent you are on your way to having a realistic view of relationships.
Anyway, this thread is 12 pages long and I doubt I am saying anything different. My two cents is to get out in the world and have some fun. Get out of your comfort zone. Try some new foods, go to conventions you've never been to, travel, listen to music that never interested you before, get a pet or volunteer at a shelter, or just volunteer somewhere. This will increase your social skills which will only lead to a more confident and attractive you.
When I was about 20 I got bitten by the internet dating thing, and like you I wasn't super experienced with relationships etc. I was talking to this girl in NJ and things were going good (few months) and we talked about meeting etc. I sent my picture over, and she thought I looked good, but then she sent her picture, it was NOT good, at least not for my tastes, relationship ended, I lost interest.
My point is during the process I felt like I was in a relationship and I would have bitten the head off of anyone to differ with that opinion. But I was wrong, we didnt even meet in person, and it turned out the chemistry wasnt there (yes it matters). I realized that I wasn't in a real relationship back then when I finally WAS in a real one a few years later. I think letting go of the notion that an ONLY online relationship is a relationship is a step in the right direction IMO
(I don't like the repping system on this site)
Anyhow ITA, I have a similar story. We exchanged pics, talked on the phone, chatted and all was good. But when we met in person he didn't look like his picture and our personalities did not mesh like we initially thought. When we had day to day activities together and saw how the other handled situations that came up we knew that there was no relationship or even a foundation for one. Which is ok, because that is apart of dating. You meet someone and think everything is wonderful. But then you take off the rose colored glasses and realize that this is not what you want. *shrugs* So you say goodbye and move on to the next.
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All I know is, even if I really felt that way about someone, I would never actually say it, to their face...
and our personalities did not mesh like we initially thought. When we had day to day activities together and saw how the other handled situations that came up we knew that there was no relationship or even a foundation for one. Which is ok, because that is apart of dating. You meet someone and think everything is wonderful. But then you take off the rose colored glasses and realize that this is not what you want. *shrugs* So you say goodbye and move on to the next.
