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I broke up with my boyfriend of two years about a month ago. We've gotten into fights and "broken up" about twice before, but I'm pretty sure it's over this time. This is, hands down, the worst break up I've experienced so far...I've felt things to the extreme: really happy, "good riddance" feelings and feeling like I'll never find another person like him again, maybe he was the one and I just didn't try hard enough to keep him. I won't get into why we broke up or what our relationship was like, but this is the first person that I could say that I truly loved and cared about (I'm 24). He was one of my best friends, and I think about him constantly.
So at the advice of a few of my friends, I should get out there and meet new people, start dating again--not seriously, but just to have a good time. I let a guy from work take me out because I know we secretly were attracted to each other for a long time, but I never let anything happen there because I loved my boyfriend and would never betray his trust like that. So anyway, I went out with the guy and we ended up having sex. While I could see the potential of it being very good sex (lol) I ruined it for myself by having intruding thoughts of my ex the whole time. Almost to the point of tears. I felt like I was cheating on him and if we ever did get back together, I could never tell him about this. So, getting over someone by getting under someone new--doesn't work for me! Anyway, now I'm struggling with really bad feelings of guilt...but I shouldn't, right? I mean, we're broken up and probably not ever getting back together (even though I hope we do ) and during one of our break-ups in the past, my ex fessed up that he had sex with one other girl, only to come crawling back to me...maybe he was feeling these feelings too. (But it really hurt me!) I don't know what to do! Someone help!!
By, "I don't know what to do," you mean about your guilt for having slept with someone new, or in, you don't know what to do to try and get your boyfriend back?
What you're feeling is normal. Even though you know logically you and your ex are no longer together and you are under no obligation to be faithful to him, he is still lingering in your emotional circuitry. Sometimes it takes your feelings awhile to adjust to the new reality, which is ... you are no longer with your ex. It's "ok" to go on a date with someone you're attracted to and have sex with him if that's the way the evening goes. You've done nothing to feel guilty about. If you and your ex get back together, you still have done nothing to feel guilty about. If you choose to tell him (and it's your choice, you can also choose to withhold this information since it doesn't concern him), he would be wrong to be mad. Don't try to stop the guilty feelings necessarily, just recognize them for what they are ... a quirk in the system. Don't pay them too much mind.
The guilt...I'm not trying to get back together with my boyfriend.
Yeah, why feel guilty? You were broken up. I do know that a lot of women feel differently about this than do men. I think you're more emotionally loyal. I once had break up sex, got back with my ex, we were in the act and she glares up at me and says, "You've been with someone else!"
Let go of the guilt and move on. Instead of dating, why not just go out with groups of friends and have fun for awhile? That way you won't feel guilty for having sex with people you're not in a relationship with.
haha, I have those intuitions myself! You can tell, the eff you differently than before...just saying
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Anyway, now I'm struggling with really bad feelings of guilt...but I shouldn't, right? I mean, we're broken up and probably not ever getting back together (even though I hope we do 
) and during one of our break-ups in the past, my ex fessed up that he had sex with one other girl, only to come crawling back to me...maybe he was feeling these feelings too. (But it really hurt me!) I don't know what to do! Someone help!!
