Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm sure he is a terrific person and I would not for a moment discredit him or his service.
But I'm sure that he does not cry at the drop of a hat.
Nobody is talking about crying at the drop of a hat. I am a woman and I don't do that either.
But crying is simply a normal manifestation of strong emotions and being able to accept that to me is part of our humanity. It does not diminish us in the slightest man or woman.
Some people to me are over-emotional too . Both extremes I find equally bizarre though I would argue that being too emotional is not as damaging as not enough.
I don't understand women who blubber about everything either. It makes no sense to me .
I am just saying that real men DO cry and it does not diminish them in the slightest in my eyes.
I would actually agree that in many ways we have become a little too self indulgent when it comes to externalising our emotions, I think the self help industry has encouraged us to look a little too close into our souls so to speak and that it is not that benefitial quite often.
But rigidly giving yourself a code that real men should not show emotions to me is a little dangerous and counter-productive. Emotions might not come out in tears but they will eventually come out one way or another. It is like trying to prevent a Tsunami or a landslide. Somehow, somewhere that energy will have to erupt.
I am a woman who rarely cries. It is something that I only do when faced with heartbreak such as death, illness, or needless violence. I do not cry over small things, and I don't believe someone who is mature should. To me it is the same for men and women. There are things worth crying about, just as there are things worth fighting for.
A real man is secure enough in who he is to be able to express emotion.
Keep lying to yourself. It will never be acceptable for a man to show emotion/cry, no matter how many men are secure enough in themselves to do it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mooseketeer
Keep telling yourself that real men don't cry.
My Father who is about as macho as you can get is not afraid to be soft on occasions as well. He did manage a very successful career in the Marines and the Diplomatic service having to deal with some pretty hairy situations as well. A hard man if I ever met one. I have never met you but I would wager that even now at 61 he could give you a run for your money physically and mentally. He is the essence of masculinity as per the traditional definition but also man enough to be a human being and not give a damn what idiot might think of him. Humanity is not a weakness but a strength. The willow might appear softer than the mighty oak but the willow will bend in a storm where an oak will just break. Toughness is not all about exterior , the core is just as important.
I respect your father for serving our country proudly A strong person knows how to keep it together, even through the show of emotion.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetheart1311
I could never fully trust a man who never cries. I'd wonder if he's dead inside.
Wow, that's lame on so many levels. Maybe that man feels that crying won't do a bit of good so you have to buck up and move on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SD4020
And when your dog dies.
There is a time and place for laughter and for tears. Sometimes yes tears are needed. Other times buck up and deal with it.
Co-sign 100%
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mooseketeer
Perfectly said. I certainly wish more men would allow themselves to cry. I am not talking about someone who blubbers every 5 minutes, but it is nice to meet men who are men enough and secure enough in their sexuality to been seen to be human and vulnerable.
I personally find that really sexy and it also shows maturity . It proves you have come to terms with who you are and are also not afraid of what others will think of you. A friend of mine in Finland lost his baby soon after he was born and was not allowed to grieve because "real men do not cry". We saw him 6 months after it had happened and mentioned how sorry we were about his loss and he burst into tears in my arms , in the middle of a restaurant , and told us it was the first time he had allowed himself to do so. He was actually grateful to us because he knew we would not judge him. That to me is incomprehensible, that you have to hold the grief and the pain in and pretend all is well when it so blatanly isn't. I find it cruel and dehumanising that some people will judge a man weak or a lesser human being beause he has feelings and emotions just like women.
Is there anything more pathetic and deeply sad than a man who is worried about his peers that he cannot even let himself grieve for his own child ?
Nothing macho about that, that to me is the essence of weakness and giving in to others, the inability to express emotions is no proof of strength but of being incapable of being who you are inside. Social conditioning forces men to be something which defies Nature and IMO if you repress nature you often end up with some explosion somewhere else... People either implode ( leading to depression, alcoholism etc...) or they explode ( leading to aggressive and sometimes violent behaviour).
We are not meant to repress our very own nature.
A real man does cry, a real man has emotions and a real man does not give a toss what others will think of him. He ploughs his own furrow and has the character and the backbone to realise his humanity in sorrow and grief.
Oddly enough a lot of so called "macho men" seem to make an exception to the "real men don't cry" when it comes to sports... I can see why your football team winning or losing the World Cup or the SuperBowl would trump losing a child... It's a bit like grabbing other men's butts. Not OK in the street but on a football field... no problem....
To me the weakness lies in pandering to certain socio-cultural expectations. Crying is good for the soul, it cleanses it in my opinion. It allows expression of feelings and is an outlet for pain, sadness, sorrow, grief despair , rage, frustration etc... as well as joy).
Of course most of us should not be crying our eyes out for the slightest thing, there has to be a balance but I am certainly never going to judge a man adversely for being mature and strong enough to be human.
As someone stated, the acceptable situations for men to cry/show emotion are walking his daughter down the aisle on marriage day, the loss of a loved one. But showing emotion outside the aforementioned boundaries is not manly, AT ALL.
Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama
That's the problem with this society. Men from childhood are taught that crying is for sissy and that he should keep his emotions to himself. So many of them are incapable of communicating when they are hurt or sad.
There is nothing wrong with crying if you are hurt. I had seen my husband cry before and it actually made me respect him even more, just for the fact that he was not afraid to show his emotions to me...
I feel saddened for OP.
Your husband is comfortable enough with you to be emotional, knowing you won't clown him for crying. That's a good woman imo. Chances are, a man will place himself around man's men, men who are macho. Let him show any emotion outside acceptable boundaries, his male friends will be like "What's with the crocodile tears? Crying is women's stuff, dry those tears and man up"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ulysses61
"You must never cry in front of a woman if you want her to respect you."
LOL! I'm hoping the OP is no more than 13 years old to spout off such pathetically ignorant nonsense. It's beyond hilarious.
All people cry and a man who DOES NOT cry is a man not worth having. I would never respect a man who could not cry or would not cry.
Your husband is comfortable enough with you to be emotional, knowing you won't clown him for crying. That's a good woman imo. Chances are, a man will place himself around man's men, men who are macho. Let him show any emotion outside acceptable boundaries, his male friends will be like "What's with the crocodile tears? Crying is women's stuff, dry those tears and man up"
The sad thing is that you are right, he most likely would be made fun of if he showed this type of emotion in public.
I'm not the type of person who bursts in tears easily as well, especially in public.
OMGosh, after that the flood gate opened. He cried too damn much for me. We broke up and he cried. Whateva.
If a man is crying over every little thing, then he's too fem for me. I can't and won't deal.
My stepson with playing a bball game and came down wrong. The doc said, he may not recover completely. My xhubs told me he was going to call his dad. I saw him wiping his eyes. I was touched. I never saw that again.
it seems men have an issue with men crying, not women.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthsideJacksonville
I'm all man baby girl I have no female tendencies in me, never that. Crying just doesn't do a bit of good. Is it going to change the situation? No. Is it going to bring back the loss of a loved one? No. It may be foolish but it's how many men were raised, that showing emotion is what women do, not men.
haha
crying is not a female tendency. it is a human emotion.
It won't bring back anything, but it does release something.
Again, of the men who I have seen cry, never did I think "I don't respect him' .... the reason for they're crying has been due to the death of a loved one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by alphamale
Lovely story.
I'm sure he is a terrific person and I would not for a moment discredit him or his service.
But I'm sure that he does not cry at the drop of a hat.
I don't believe anyone has said anything about crying at the drop of a hat.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
A strong person knows how to keep it together, even through the show of emotion.
