Infidelity (spouses, affairs, friends, responsible)

[PassTheChocolate]

It would truly depend on why. I don't believe everyone who cheats does so just because they can. I believe that, sometimes, both parties can contribute.

[purehuman]

there are no reasons for someone to cheat....only excuses!

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by Cindy_Jole

I think someone who believes that the spouse has to share blame for someone's cheating behavior is also intellectually bankrupt.

Cindy, you know I love ya, but sometimes it really does take two to tango.

Not excusing cheating, but sometimes a spouse does play a contributing role.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by max's mama

I guess when I'm answering this question I think of my husband, a man who had always been there for me, who cared for me when I'm sick, who supported me when I'm down, who is a wonderful father to our child, who is loving and kind. This man did so many wonderful things for my soul, how would I NOT forgive him if he had fallen into darkness and experienced a moment of weakness?

Really makes me question how much you value your marriage, your vows, your partner if you are willing to drop him just from one incident of infidelity and not try to stick it out and work through it? I just don't get it, but to each its own I guess.

You are not alone my friend.

I value my husband so very much that if something like this were to happen I'd want to know MORE about what precipitated it.

I'd want to understand his perspective.

I'd want to know what, if anything, I missed or did that contributed to such a destructive choice.

Maybe only truly happily married people (like you, me and Nite Ryder) can understand this?

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by Ivorytickler

Explain to me how someone who cheats is someone who honors vows they made . They don't. The act of cheating breaks a vow they made. Therefore, they don't honor vows. Plain and simple. Someone of integrity would get out of the marriage first. Someone who cheats is just a low life. Believe it or not, you CAN keep it in your pants/keep your panties on until the divorce is final. People who don't are simply lacking moral character. They care more about their own gratification at the moment than the pain they cause their spouse.

Seriously, end your marriage before bedding someone else. It's bad enough you don't take a vow you took until death do you part seriously enough not to break it. Cheating just makes it that much worse for the spouse you're dumping. You know, that person you pledged fidelity to... Leaving your spouse for someone else is low because you took a vow and now want to take it back. Vows aren't supposed to work that way. Cheating just demonstrates what a low life you really are.

I don't condone breaking vows. If you don't take them seriously, you shouldn't make them. However, if you are a cad and want to walk out on the person you pledged to spend the rest of your life with, do it in the least painful way possible and sneaking around cheating on them is not it.

I have no desire to argue with you, and we've been thru this on numerous occasions over the years here on CD.

Your view of cheating has been colored by the fact that you were cheated on and can't get past it.

In other words, you have lost true perspective.

Enough said.

[zoomzoom3]

Some people have bonafide sex addiction.

Old neighbor of mine who got divorced had this problem apparently. He didn't seem like the type to have this problem, but his wife found that he'd masturbate over a dozen times a day & had three hard drives full of porn. He had mental issues for sure I think.

[Cindy_Jole]

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

Cindy, you know I love ya, but sometimes it really does take two to tango.

Not excusing cheating, but sometimes a spouse does play a contributing role.

No problem, we can agree to disagree

I don't believe in the "two to tango" idea when it comes to cheating. For marriages ending, yes, but not for cheating.

[onihC]

I don’t really support the idea of a man cheating because there was no sex in his marriage, or any reason for that matter. It is well known that sex decreases once the relationship gets formal and even more once married, so how can a guy be surprised because there is no sex in his marriage? Come on.

Yes, men and women cheat for selfish reasons. Can’t see a reason to justify a cheating wife/husband.

[Mooseketeer]

Originally Posted by Cindy_Jole

No problem, we can agree to disagree

I don't believe in the "two to tango" idea when it comes to cheating. For marriages ending, yes, but not for cheating.

I could not agree with you more ! I can understand that someone would no longer love or find his/her spouse attractive, and that they might want to end the marriage.

I will never understand nor accept cheating however. Anyone IMO who cheats is morally bankrupt and a coward.

BEFORE you cheat you speak to your spouse and try to find a solution and failing that you leave. It's called being honest.

There is no excuse for going behind someone's back and I do not accept that anyone deserves to be cheated on for WHATEVER reasons.

There is a solution to wanting somebody else to sleep with and have a relationship with, it's called a divorce.

I don't expect all relationships to be perfect and last forever. That would be just silly and very naive.

What I expect however is for mature adults to behave like grown ups and with a sense of moral responsibility.

If you have made a promise to someone to be faithful and abide by certain rules and find yourself unable to do so anymore you just cut the ties or you better convince your spouse to have an open relationship.

Anything else to me is just repugnant. If you can't keep it in your pants for whatever reasons until you sort out your relationship first then to me there is a pretty serious problem ... We might be animals but unlike most of the fauna we share the planet with we do have an extremely developed sense of empathy, compassion and are perfectly capable of saying no to a roll in the hay.

"It's a mistake" is basically saying you could not help yourself which is preposterous. We chose to cheat. It is not an accident but a wilful act of destruction.

To say you could not help yourself could be compared to men who say they could not help themselves when they raped a woman because she said no. Even at the very last second a man can say no.

I find it demeaning to the human race that we are behaving like baboons in a zoo as a specie and that apologists for it try to find excuses and reasons for what is basically churlish and nasty.

"I did not mean to "has to be one of the worst possible excuses ever. What did you mean ? To put your penis in her purse instead or to shove your boobs in the oven instead but missed ? Were you actually convinced your lips were wrapped around a nice ice-cream rather than another man's family jewels... ?!

We behave like bastards and then try to blame the other person.

I find that despicable. Time to assume responsibility and stop trying to blame others.

Marriages do take two people to work. Cheating is the choice of ONE individual.

All human beings in relationships/marriages will have had highs and lows, it is life. You talk about it, discuss it like decent human beings and when it fails you get a divorce or split up. I cannot see why some people cannot grasp that concept.


It is true that many people will stay after infidelity ( I know some of those myself) but I wonder how many can genuinely say they trust their spouse anymore, how may truly forgive them and how many are still not deeply hurt by the betrayal even years afterwards.


How many women for example stay because they feel vulnerable, especially with children or with no financial opportunities, how many people do not accept as much as put up with indefility because thye find themselves scared to be on their own or trapped ? I do wonder how many people genuinely think "no problem" it was only an "accident" , "his penis obviously slipped"...

[Missingatlanta]

No, I would never trust my husband if he did. I don't want to be constantly wondering if my husband is going to walk out on me. And trust me as a child from a family with this issue, staying for the kids is a terrible idea.