He asked me to pay for the date?? (happy family, attraction, sign)
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Who are all these women that all these bitter guys come onto this forum to complain about? I don't know any women like that in real life. I'm not saying that it never happens - but the majority of women are not like that. There are selfish and crazy people of both sexes - it doesn't make them the majority. The only person that I've ever talked to that had a story about spending a ton of money on a date was this guy in my old neighborhood. He told me about how he went out with this girl and spend over a thousand dollars on her on this date - and she spent half the night talking to other people. He was ticked off. I thought it was insane. He looked like he was in his 40's and he said she was in her early 20's. All I could think was - "Why the hell would you spend that much money on a person on a first date? And why the hell are you dating someone in their early 20's?" Instead of being impressed by how much money he dropped on a date - which is the impression I think he wanted to leave me with - I just thought - what an idiot.
He is an idiot.
Once I stopped spending money on women or going on big dates, my success rate and happiness went sky high.
I think the key about good dating and more interesting to me, the other stuff, is not basing it around money. There are plenty of things one can do that don't require money and lavishing money on big dates sets a bad precedent.
There are some women caught up in the money and what you can do for them. Deny that? Look in this thread, they exist.
I predict you and this turd of a..man(?) are finished before six months out.
Most interested males/gentlemen would never ask a female/lady to pay!
He doesn't respect you, or see anything long term. I can about guarantee you that!
Well, back before I went celibate, I did date a Moderator cut: language who told me that my carpet was "out of style". Because I was newly single and hadn't been in the dating game in a long time, I was not familiar with what styles the porn ladies were wearing. I suppose I had lost touch with what was "in fashion". Isn't that terrible?
He seemed to care about "all this stuff" and was a critical person. That was many moons ago but I think he's still single and looking.
I'm sure there are those picky men out there, but I have never come across such talk.
What i have heard is complaints about the prickly pear cactus and getting mauled by hair stubble. All the brazilian ends up doing is the hair comes in courser and thicker.
Nothing wrong with trimming the hedge, but the hairless cat thing, forget it.
Overall, stuff women think men care about, really doesn't factor much. We might talk about boob size or nice butts but we really don't care THAT much.
I predict you and this turd of a..man(?) are finished before six months out.
Most interested males/gentlemen would never ask a female/lady to pay!
He doesn't respect you, or see anything long term. I can about guarantee you that!
Chunk him while you can still afford to!
Good afternoon,
That's interesting advice. What's so different between men and women that lead you to this strict opinion? Or, are you being facetious?
If you reversed the genders would you give the same advice?
Quote:
I predict you and this turd of a..woman(?) are finished before six months out.
Most interested female/ladies would never ask a male/gentleman to pay!
She doesn't respect you, or see anything long term. I can about guarantee you that!
I certainly see your point of view and am happy things worked out this way for you. I think women tend to personalize some of the opinions here and reject it if she and her friends don't fit the mold.
Here's another way of looking at it:
-Think back to any women you met and decided not to be friends with because she was too shallow, materialistic, or any other negative you can come up with.
-Then, think of any guy you dated who had hidden negative qualities that didn't come out until later in the relationship.
-Now combine the two traits, and these are the types of women these guys are complaining about. They're referring to women who were NOT like you, were selfish, self centered, and it didn't come out until a few dates passed because they were really good at hiding it.
Those (and only those) types of women are the ones who DO believe they deserve everything to free simply for showing up, without anything in return, including intangibles like cooking for the guy, back rubs, romantic ideas, etc. They simply show up, eat, enjoy the places they visit his dime, talk, and go home until he gets tired of no reciprocity (or she friend zones him and moves on to the next guy). If the guy tries to get reciprocation of any form (not counting sex), she will get indignant or complain to her friends or others, as we see on this site.
I've actually known women like this because I have a way of getting the truth out of people. They've actually admitted they went on dates with guys they had no interest in as a free means of going to restaurants and other places they had no funds in their own budget to pay for. Afterward or on other days, they entertained the guys they really wanted. What was noticeable is the guys they really wanted did not have to spend any money and usually spent time inside her house or his (hehe). I am not saying all women are like this, but there are a lot being recycled in the dating market. The few types of men who would actually marry these women aren't typically these women's type physically or financially.
If it's not you because your date (now husband) paid and you offered at times, this thread is not about you.
You may feel none of these women exist because you and your friends are not like that, but keep in mind, you are not dating women, and there is a reason why these women are still single and poisoning the dating pool.
I learned long ago, the way to avoid these types is to really get to know a woman through casual phone and in person conversation before going on multiple official dates. They are not a factor to me because I don't mind losing a woman who pushes for an official date vs casual conversation, but I understand where some of the guy posters are coming from.
One of the best posts ever on the relationship forums of city data.
And you had a perfect point:
I think women tend to personalize some of the opinions here and reject it if she and her friends don't fit the mold.
For years every time I come in here and talk about dating from my experiences or what I have seen, a certain few women posters always have to be vocal "That's not me, not me at all, I don't know anyone like that either!". In fact there is at least one I can always count on posting a rebuttal that it's not them.
No it's not them, but the old saying "doth protest too much" goes and I wonder with all their protesting if it's really hitting home and what they think is their reality really isn't. And especially when this is coming from older 40+ plus women that have been divorced and been recycled in the dating scene. Someone dumped them and probably for good reason.
If not and they are just a ball of sweetness and perfection, then great, but understand there are plenty of nefarious women out there up to no good that don't give dating a great name.
I think we need to get over this old fashioned thing of the man pays almost always and having expectations of such in society.
My advice to men that I had to learn the hard way, is stopping spending and stop putting yourself in situations where your wallet has to come out. Take money out of the equation.
I certainly see your point of view and am happy things worked out this way for you. I think women tend to personalize some of the opinions here and reject it if she and her friends don't fit the mold.
Here's another way of looking at it:
-Think back to any women you met and decided not to be friends with because she was too shallow, materialistic, or any other negative you can come up with.
-Then, think of any guy you dated who had hidden negative qualities that didn't come out until later in the relationship.
-Now combine the two traits, and these are the types of women these guys are complaining about. They're referring to women who were NOT like you, were selfish, self centered, and it didn't come out until a few dates passed because they were really good at hiding it.
Those (and only those) types of women are the ones who DO believe they deserve everything to free simply for showing up, without anything in return, including intangibles like cooking for the guy, back rubs, romantic ideas, etc. They simply show up, eat, enjoy the places they visit his dime, talk, and go home until he gets tired of no reciprocity (or she friend zones him and moves on to the next guy). If the guy tries to get reciprocation of any form (not counting sex), she will get indignant or complain to her friends or others, as we see on this site.
I've actually known women like this because I have a way of getting the truth out of people. They've actually admitted they went on dates with guys they had no interest in as a free means of going to restaurants and other places they had no funds in their own budget to pay for. Afterward or on other days, they entertained the guys they really wanted. What was noticeable is the guys they really wanted did not have to spend any money and usually spent time inside her house or his (hehe). I am not saying all women are like this, but there are a lot being recycled in the dating market. The few types of men who would actually marry these women aren't typically these women's type physically or financially.
If it's not you because your date (now husband) paid and you offered at times, this thread is not about you.
You may feel none of these women exist because you and your friends are not like that, but keep in mind, you are not dating women, and there is a reason why these women are still single and poisoning the dating pool.
I learned long ago, the way to avoid these types is to really get to know a woman through casual phone and in person conversation before going on multiple official dates. They are not a factor to me because I don't mind losing a woman who pushes for an official date vs casual conversation, but I understand where some of the guy posters are coming from.
Great post! Don't get me wrong - I understand that there are women like that out there. I don't take issue with the men that have had a bad experience or two but recognize that not all women are like that. I take issue with the men who come on here and say that this is just how all women are - or all western women - or most women. There are duds in both sexes in every country around the world! But you are right - I'm not one of them and I don't choose to associate with those who are.
And I totally agree with getting to know someone before you date them. The way I see it - how do you know you want to date someone before you even know them!
Once I stopped spending money on women or going on big dates, my success rate and happiness went sky high.
I think the key about good dating and more interesting to me, the other stuff, is not basing it around money. There are plenty of things one can do that don't require money and lavishing money on big dates sets a bad precedent.
There are some women caught up in the money and what you can do for them. Deny that? Look in this thread, they exist.
I totally agree. Honestly, I think spending huge amounts of money on a first date is just a total waste. I also think putting out on the first date is pretty stupid, too. Unless you already know each other really well - the first date should really be just about getting to know the other person.
I think we need to get over this old fashioned thing of the man pays almost always and having expectations of such in society.
For me, it's not that I expect men to pay for dates, it's that I expect the person who asked to pay. If I ask someone on a date, I pay. It's nice if a guest offers to chip in, but a host should be willing to foot the bill. This applies to other host/guest situations such as weddings and parties.
And if a host is concerned about how much it costs to entertain someone--
Quote:
Originally Posted by wanneroo
My advice to men that I had to learn the hard way, is stopping spending and stop putting yourself in situations where your wallet has to come out. Take money out of the equation.
We agree! Invite the person somewhere that doesn't cost a lot of money. Go do something you like to do and see if that person likes it too. You know ... that compatibility thing, which I think is the point.
In Japan it is still the norm for women to wait to be asked out and men pay the expenses
Maybe it’s just different in Osaka, Kyoto, Chiba, and Tokyo, where I see this so common from women. What part of Japan have you lived at? While in the USA, I somehow see the same pattern. Still, there are exceptions in the east and west. I’ve gone with just a few western girls who do reciprocate right off the bat and one or two Asian girls who act a bit more western and will not reciprocate unless we have gone out for a while or are in an official relationship.
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You have yet to show anything to the contrary except that you date the exceptions to the normal culture and you say Japanese are this way but americans are not
Same reason I keep saying that if it has nothing to do with culture, then it’s just a big coincidence or luck that I have dated Asians for many years (in and out of Asia), live in Japan, etc. Some other guys in other threads also agreed Asian girls also behave that way with them and some women in here told them that it was just because they were visitors to the country or something. Hey, I visit western countries for vacation and/or business, and western girls wouldn’t do that, visitor or not. Again, I am not saying its wrong/good, just different.
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Not an everyday thing to hear of men romancing and taking care of expenses either
Oh please. Just look at past threads about women complaining if the man uses or doesn’t use a coupon, if he pays or doesn’t pay on the first or “beginning/initial stages” or if he asks his girl to contribute, about how women prefer men to take the initiative, about how women are so nervous and afraid to make the first move in fear of rejection, etc. Everybody knows that. Like I said, you can search it on your own (hint hint : google) and you’ll see that I am not making this stuff up. I could post my own links but I’ll leave that for you. Just look at the posts here from women “No man should ask a woman to pay…A real man pays…” and so on. It is not the only thread where you’ll find it. I would tell you again where to search on your own but I think you know by now. Why deny the fact that when it comes to asking out, taking initiative, romancing, etc. It’s MOSTLY done by guys. If a woman ever does it, maaaaaybe it would be after they have gone out for a while or are an official couple. Are there women out there who will start reciprocating right off the bat on the first date? Sure, exceptions will always exist out there.
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And not an everyday thing to hear of Japanese women asking men out, romancing them and taking care of expenses
Valentine’s Day and White Day in Japan. February 14th its women after the guys, White Day, men after the women. In western countries Valentine’s Day is pretty much men after women. Take a peek at any restaurant in your city and look for yourself during those days (or any for that matter). Look at jewelry adds, billboards, commercials. Restaurant commercials. Flowershops, etc. Same thing “Make her dreams come true, only in X Jewelry…A diamond lasts forever *showing a guy romacing a girl with jewelry*…” It’s a common thing in the USA to see women receiving flowers delivered to their desks or a present/gift. During Valentine’s Day my ex surprised me by flying to the country where I was at that time to celebrate together. A pleasant surprise.
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are finished before six months out.
