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I've been dating this guy for about 2 months now, and I was always under the impression that, unlike other guys I've met before, he's a mature and responsible person. In the beginning I felt like we were totally compatible, since we have similar interests (nature, arts etc) , have similar attitudes towards life, and are both willing to settle down and have a family one day.
We had always had a great time together until last Friday (for the first time we had sex the night before). He acted like he had changed to a different person all of a sudden, by talking about his ex girlfriends all the time from the morning until the evening without me even asking about them.
He talked about a girlfriend who was a bikini model, a girl who was a party animal, and a girl that he was dating last year (a 18 yr old) when he was 29. I wasn't comfortable with his statements at all because I started to question whether he's attracted to me (since I'm the complete opposite of those girls). We had a pretty heavy discussion about this. He at first said he would no longer feel comfortable talking about stuff with me because now he would have to filter through the information very carefully, then the next day he apologized and said it was very insensitive of him telling me about his ex girlfriends, and assured me that I mean a lot to him. He said he used to date girls who are totally different from him, and I'm the first girl who shares a lot in common with him.
I tried to think about this relationship in a positive way after that discussion. But today, he told me he went out with his guy friends to a sports bar, where a waitress was trying to get him to drink the shots off her body. He said he didn't want to do it, and brought me up saying he has a girlfriend and he doesn't lie to me.
I'm just very confused why he wanted to talk about his sports bar experience with me in the first place. I appreciate his honesty, but I certainly didn't feel comfortable hearing all that. I used to think he's the type of person who is very well behaved and not into that scene, but now I start to wonder if he enjoys going to places like Hooters or even strip clubs...
Making random assumptions of him certainly won't help, but since we just had a serious discussion about convos involving his ex gfs, I don't know if I should have another conversation with him about his "hobby" of going to sports bars (or strip clubs...)
Huh, I'm no expert on this but he started talking about how hot his girlfriends were and what "party animals" they were the day after y'all had sex for the first time? Something smells a bit fishy here to me. Maybe he was trying to drop some kind of hints about the sex? Are you overweight or average, but not a bikini model?
The whole shots thing sounded like he was trying to kill a lot of birds with one stone: trying to show you he was loyal to you while simultaneously letting you know that other women wanted him and he has options out there. And to clue you in that he enjoys sports/strip bars (I'm a little confused that you didn't know this before now, you guys never went bar hopping or anything of the sort?). And, maybe even, he hoped for you to offer to let him drinks shots off you instead? You never know!
Huh, I'm no expert on this but he started talking about how hot his girlfriends were and what "party animals" they were the day after y'all had sex for the first time? Something smells a bit fishy here to me. Maybe he was trying to drop some kind of hints about the sex? Are you overweight or average, but not a bikini model?
The whole shots thing sounded like he was trying to kill a lot of birds with one stone: trying to show you he was loyal to you while simultaneously letting you know that other women wanted him and he has options out there. And to clue you in that he enjoys sports/strip bars (I'm a little confused that you didn't know this before now, you guys never went bar hopping or anything of the sort?). And, maybe even, he hoped for you to offer to let him drinks shots off you instead? You never know!
I'm pretty in shape, and most guys find me attractive. I'm about to enter into a very conservative profession, so no, I'm not a bikini model.
I like your summary of the purposes behind his statements regarding the "shots". I trust him so far, but I don't like his way of making me jealous/insecure. I try to make us feel comfortable by not talking about guys who had shown interests to me, and I just feel like what he's done is immature --which makes me question if he's really the type of guy I'm looking for.
I just don't like the taste of alcohol, so we've only been to a bar once. I told him in the very beginning about my likes/dislikes, and he said he's pretty much the same type of person (who loves nature more than parties/clubs/bars).
He's sending you some seriously mixed messages. You guys sleep together and starts bringing up ex's, then he's out slumming with his friends at bars, after he told you he didn't like to drink?
I'd say he's immature, if not a pathological liar!
His talking about previous women in his life would send up a red flag for me...and it is very odd he didn't do this until after you had sex together.
And his becoming so defensive when you questioned if he finds you attractive is not good either. Maybe he is insecure, but that is his problem, and he should not make it your problem.
And the sports bar bit is curious as well. Perhaps he is trying to make you think other women are attracted to him...but can't say for sure not knowing him, or being able to ask him.
Not having dated him all that long; you are discovering things about him as you go along....and sharing your concerns with him is not out of line. No time like the present to clear the air before getting more involved.
When you care for someone, it's difficult at times to use your brain vs. your heart...but, I applaud you for wanting to know who he really is, and in the process protecting yourself.
I'd back it waaaaaaaaayyyy up. I don't know if talking to him will go anywhere because he's good at telling you what you want to hear. Figure out by his actions who he really is. Give him enough rope to hang himself by not making it a huge issue. I've actually pretended to like something just to get an honest reaction. Worked like a charm.
I'm pretty in shape, and most guys find me attractive. I'm about to enter into a very conservative profession, so no, I'm not a bikini model.
I like your summary of the purposes behind his statements regarding the "shots". I trust him so far, but I don't like his way of making me jealous/insecure. I try to make us feel comfortable by not talking about guys who had shown interests to me, and I just feel like what he's done is immature --which makes me question if he's really the type of guy I'm looking for.
I just don't like the taste of alcohol, so we've only been to a bar once. I told him in the very beginning about my likes/dislikes, and he said he's pretty much the same type of person (who loves nature more than parties/clubs/bars).
From a males perspective....he is trying to tell you something.
The fact that he brought this up after you had sex for the first time is his way of telling you what he may be into. The reasons for this could vary. Perhaps the sex was not up to his standards and he is, as with going to a bar where the waitresses offer body shots to patrons, indicative of the type of girl/sex he is into. Based simply on what you wrote, my guess would be that he likes a woman who is more risque, and he is trying to clue you into that.
Another thing about the exes is that he might, in his own way, be trying to lift you up by "comparing" you to other women he dated. I've been down that route before, and while not the best way to do so, he could be saying that you are right up their with the bikini model, which, in a guys world, is a compliment.
Look, he has been with you for two months so far, and waited that long to have sex with you. He also claims to have refused the body shot, and told the waitress, that he did so because he has a girlfriend. While it may make you feel uncomfortable, both items are indicators that he may really be into you.
I doubt he told you about the body shot to make you jealous. Like I said, it is just a guys way of saying that he is into you.
Then again, he could have been doing body shots off the waitress all night long, and only told you to see what kind of reaction such a situation would bring from you.
Anyways, I would talk to him about this. Ask him why he brought up the exes and how this, and is strip clubs, makes you nervous and/or concerned.
From a males perspective....he is trying to tell you something.
The fact that he brought this up after you had sex for the first time is his way of telling you what he may be into. The reasons for this could vary. Perhaps the sex was not up to his standards and he is, as with going to a bar where the waitresses offer body shots to patrons, indicative of the type of girl/sex he is into. Based simply on what you wrote, my guess would be that he likes a woman who is more risque, and he is trying to clue you into that.
Another thing about the exes is that he might, in his own way, be trying to lift you up by "comparing" you to other women he dated. I've been down that route before, and while not the best way to do so, he could be saying that you are right up their with the bikini model, which, in a guys world, is a compliment.
Look, he has been with you for two months so far, and waited that long to have sex with you. He also claims to have refused the body shot, and told the waitress, that he did so because he has a girlfriend. While it may make you feel uncomfortable, both items are indicators that he may really be into you.
I doubt he told you about the body shot to make you jealous. Like I said, it is just a guys way of saying that he is into you.
Then again, he could have been doing body shots off the waitress all night long, and only told you to see what kind of reaction such a situation would bring from you.
Anyways, I would talk to him about this. Ask him why he brought up the exes and how this, and is strip clubs, makes you nervous and/or concerned.
I asked him that night why he kept bringing up his exes and he said " i was trying to compliment you by comparing you to them" He said he didn't like party animals and he brought them up because he likes the way I behave.
I wonder if I should wait until he brings up other women again to have another talk with him. We just discussed the "ex gfs" issue several days ago, and I don't want to give him the impression that I complain about every single comment he makes.
What about the sex part though? Should I talk about that with him as well?
Next time he brings up his ex bikini model girlfriends, casually tell him about your ex with the 12 inch penis that used to hurt but felt oh so good...game, set, match!
On a more serious note, just take this thing one day at a time. On one hand you say he's mature and responsible, and a night out with the boys for a few drinks once in awhile shouldn't be a dealbreaker. It sounds as though he was over-compensating with the story about the waitress and doing shots--not very mature. Probably wanted to prove to you that he could resist temptation and do the right thing when you aren't looking. Keep an eye out for a pattern of this sort of behavior.
Meanwhile, enjoy your time with him but remain guarded. If his behavior seems to change more and more since you've had sex (or you are just starting to notice things you haven't seen before but were always there), then it's possible you got a dud. You've been dating for two months, that's usually around the time someone's true colors start to show if they've been putting their best foot forward all this time. A lot of times their true colors show right after you've had sex for the first time. Like I said, take it one day at a time and see how things unfold over the next couple of weeks.
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Worked like a charm.
