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This is actually something I have wondered about and have puzzled over, for quite a while: on one end of the emotional spectrum, you have some ppl who could possibly be described as total "softies", who are also very touchy-feely, and would be much less likely to say something if they thought it might potentially hurt someone's feelings, people who are usually soft-spoken, nurturing, and who tend to be relatively slow to anger. These kind of ppl may typically be very gentle and/or non-aggressive. They will be genuinely unhappy, if they are perceived as being unkind or uncaring to others, and do not enjoy intentionally causing a conflict.
On the other end, you have other, slightly more "harder-edged" ppl, who are usually much more blunt and direct in their communication, even if it could be potentially perceived as hurtful or offensive to others. They might enjoy using communication methods such as sarcasm, reverse psychology, shock-jock techniques, etc. (even if they don't intentionally mean to offend). They may not necessarily be opposed to saying something directly, even if it has the effect of causing considerable conflict and dissent. They also tend to speak their minds without beating around the bush or mincing words.
I'm not saying one approach is preferable to or better than the other -- just wondering, what kind of emotional or environmental factors would tend to make a person lean one way or the other, in terms of their interpersonal relationships, and their communicational behavior toward others?
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 06-03-2011 at 12:47 PM..
Reason: Corrected typos / Adds
I'm not saying one approach is preferable to or better than the other -- just wondering, what kind of emotional or environmental factors would tend to make a person lean one way or the other, in terms of their interpersonal relationships, and their communicational behavior toward others?
testosterone, as well as brain chemistry in general, probably plays a role. so does society and culture... not everyone grows up in the same circumstances, where social expectations are the same.
Upbringing and life experiences for the most part. Someone who came up the hard way may be a little rougher around the edges. I think a lot has to do with how you were raised and what you're exposed to early on in life. It'll prepare you for how you cope with life's many challenges later on.
I think the obvious could be it's just their personality type but I also think a persons upbringing and mentality has to do with their behavior.
Example. I stayed overnight at a hotel. They had free breakfast the next morning. Everyboy was acting like savages cutting in front of people, not forming a line, acting like they were going to run out of food. This was considered a NICE hotel too. I patiently waited, let this person get it front of me. I am not starving or "thirsty." I calmly waited my turn and when it was my turn, they brought out fresh eggs, sausage, bacon and toast.
Another time at an ice cream place, this guy cut in front of my gf while getting ready to order. My gf told the guy at the counter that she was next and the guy LIED and said he was waiting for a long time already. He didn't know but I was sitting across the other side of the room at a booth and saw him come through the door and cut infront. I confronted the guy out of nowhere and said "hey, why you are cutting infront of my gf?" He was SUPRISED that I was there. He was like "WHOA, I don't want to cause no problems." Then don't lie and cut infront of people! This other lady butted in saying "come on guys, it's just ice cream." I told her then YOU let him cut in front of YOU! It's not about ice cream, it's about respect and I hate bullies who go around doing that to people.
I am not an aggressive person by nature. I don't feel the need to be that way all the time. I can calmly wait my turn.
That doesn't mean I can't become aggressive though when a situation occurs.
This is actually something I have wondered about and have puzzled over, for quite a while: on one end of the emotional spectrum, you have some ppl who could possibly be described as total "softies", who are also very touchy-feely, and would be much less likely to say something if they thought it might potentially hurt someone's feelings, people who are usually soft-spoken, nurturing, and who tend to be relatively slow to anger. These kind of ppl may typically be very gentle and/or non-aggressive. They will be genuinely unhappy, if they are perceived as being unkind or uncaring to others, and do not enjoy intentionally causing a conflict.
On the other end, you have other, slightly more "harder-edged" ppl, who are usually much more blunt and direct in their communication, even if it could be potentially perceived as hurtful or offensive to others. They might enjoy using communication methods such as sarcasm, reverse psychology, shock-jock techniques, etc. (even if they don't intentionally mean to offend). They may not necessarily be opposed to saying something directly, even if it has the effect of causing considerable conflict and dissent. They also tend to speak their minds without beating around the bush or mincing words.
I'm not saying one approach is preferable to or better than the other -- just wondering, what kind of emotional or environmental factors would tend to make a person lean one way or the other, in terms of their interpersonal relationships, and their communicational behavior toward others?
Eh, I've always thought of "soft" people as those who are easily hurt or wounded emotionally. I don't think it has anything to do with how they treat others, or their manner of speaking. And, many hard-edged people as you describe are only hard on the outside. Mentally, they can be fragile.
A "hard" person to me is someone who has mental strength to withstand extreme conditions without breaking down.
I think the obvious could be it's just their personality type but I also think a persons upbringing and mentality has to do with their behavior.
Example. I stayed overnight at a hotel. They had free breakfast the next morning. Everyboy was acting like savages cutting in front of people, not forming a line, acting like they were going to run out of food. This was considered a NICE hotel too. I patiently waited, let this person get it front of me. I am not starving or "thirsty." I calmly waited my turn and when it was my turn, they brought out fresh eggs, sausage, bacon and toast.
Another time at an ice cream place, this guy cut in front of my gf while getting ready to order. My gf told the guy at the counter that she was next and the guy LIED and said he was waiting for a long time already. He didn't know but I was sitting across the other side of the room at a booth and saw him come through the door and cut infront. I confronted the guy out of nowhere and said "hey, why you are cutting infront of my gf?" He was SUPRISED that I was there. He was like "WHOA, I don't want to cause no problems." Then don't lie and cut infront of people! This other lady butted in saying "come on guys, it's just ice cream." I told her then YOU let him cut in front of YOU! It's not about ice cream, it's about respect and I hate bullies who go around doing that to people.
I am not an aggressive person by nature. I don't feel the need to be that way all the time. I can calmly wait my turn.
That doesn't mean I can't become aggressive though when a situation occurs.
Upbringing and life experiences for the most part. Someone who came up the hard way may be a little rougher around the edges. I think a lot has to do with how you were raised and what you're exposed to early on in life. It'll prepare you for how you cope with life's many challenges later on.
testosterone, as well as brain chemistry in general, probably plays a role. so does society and culture... not everyone grows up in the same circumstances, where social expectations are the same.
Agreed...some excellent points there...
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I told her then YOU let him cut in front of YOU! It's not about ice cream, it's about respect and I hate bullies who go around doing that to people.
