I really need to quit spending so much on dates (Asian, girls)
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Don't be cheap and do the coffee dates thing. Those are so lame and look lazy. Expensive dates at that age should be kept to 1-2x a month. But really...that is not that much. You ate too right? How much do you spend on a night out with yourself/friends?
Don't be cheap and do the coffee dates thing. Those are so lame and look lazy. Expensive dates at that age should be kept to 1-2x a month. But really...that is not that much. You ate too right? How much do you spend on a night out with yourself/friends?
Coffee dates don't have to be lame... if you are fun and interesting to talk to, you could be sitting in the back of a bus and have a great time.
It's just upsetting. You're told all the time to be yourself, but then when you go looking for advice, you're told that you're in the wrong and need to change.
No one here has told you you're wrong or to change. We are giving you more "be yourself" advice. Don't change for someone else. Change if you want because you want to for you. But be whoever you are with the woman you want to date and get to know - and wonder if there's a future. Do NOT do things you wouldn't do just because she wants to. EG. My first husband knew that I was a beach person. I was a lifeguard, had my own boat, lived on the beach during the summers. I wanted and needed to be near the beach. Our first date was a blind date and we went to a lake. We swam - well, I did. He dogpaddled. But insisted he loved the beach. 2nd date was at my family's beach house. He seemed ok with it. We spent the entire weekend with my family - mostly at the water's edge (50' from the house), I took him out in the boat. He asked me out again and again and 90% of those summer dates were at the beach. So, I assumed, he liked beaches. Well, wouldn't you know, soon as we were married, our first argument was about MY spending the day at the beachhouse - with family - while he was going to be away from home. How in Hades should I have figured out he wasn't a beach person. He didn't resent my not being home; he resented WHERE I was: criticized the food, the house, the sand in his food and clothes, the sand in my shoes, the car, the dampness at night, sand in the bed, sun on his head, told me how he always felt like he was eating sandpaper (it was in his head that there was sand in the food). Bottom line: He wasn't honest about who he was. He was phony. He lied.
OP, be yourself. If you like museums, then take her there. If you like art shows, GO. Let her see you. And if you hate beaches but love mountains, let her know. If she hates mountains and loves beaches, stay away from her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
$100?! Good grief, that's too much to spend on a date, especially when you're just getting to know one another. Save the special restaurants for when there's something special.
Um, JJ - where do you go for any dinner at a SPECIAL restaurant for less than $100? Special restaurants around here would easily run $200-300 - and that's NOT with caviar and champagne. Mesa Grill NYC: cheapest entree is $28 (each) and a side is $7, cheapest app is $13 - EACH - that's with nothing to drink and no dessert. If he's doing drinks on top of everything, the MINIMUM he can get away with is $150.
Quote:
Originally Posted by poletop1
Try something different that is less expensive...cook a meal for two instead of going to a restaurant, maybe there are free events in your area, try engaging in mutual hobbies or try a new activity. You can be smart and frugal without being cheap, good luck.
Exactly! My favorite date was spent in a mall and strolling the boardwalk. It was my first date with my husband. What a great way for us to get to know each other - he saw my tastes in clothing, jewelry (not much interested), decor, etc. and I saw his. We talked, we laughed, held hands (both in our 40s and THAT was telling). Then we went to the beach, strolled on the boardwalk. Ate munchies. We laughed, sang to the music and danced on the boardwalk. And THAT is why we are together.
If that's the kind of thing that appeals to you, then take your date on that kind of date. If she doesn't enjoy, she's not for you. Picture yourself with this woman in 10 years. How would you like to spend the day with her? Do THAT as a first date.
If you're both in reasonable shape, a day of hiking or biking could be fun. Pack sandwiches and maybe hit a an ice cream parlor later in the day. I'm on board with others that the dinner/movie thing is kind of cheesy.
Um, JJ - where do you go for any dinner at a SPECIAL restaurant for less than $100? Special restaurants around here would easily run $200-300 - and that's NOT with caviar and champagne. Mesa Grill NYC: cheapest entree is $28 (each) and a side is $7, cheapest app is $13 - EACH - that's with nothing to drink and no dessert. If he's doing drinks on top of everything, the MINIMUM he can get away with is $150.
NYC is its own animal, Annie. I'm not talking about a fancy schmancy place--I know dinner can cost hundreds of dollars, depending on where you go. There are several nice restaurants around here where two people could eat for less than $100, even with a couple of $8 cocktails and an appetizer or dessert. The trouble is when you order a few cocktails apiece AND appetizers AND soup AND dessert, and unless you are celebrating something as a couple, there's no reason to shell out that kind of money.
You can pack yourselves with sushi, seafood or steak around here for $100 or less, including tip.
Dates where you can interact with one another are better early on. Movies suck for first dates because there's not talking or getting to know you going on. It's two hours wasted.
Try a zoo, museum, aquarium, outdoor festivals now that summer is here, galleries etc. If you're a student you might be eligible for discounts at a lot of these places as well.
You don't need to change who you are, you might need to adjust your expectations a little, but there are plenty of women out there who will go out with you and not expect or demand you spend $100+ on a first date.
You're moving too fast for me... I always save the soup kitchen for the 3rd date
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!
Oh you little tart!
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I'm not talking about a fancy schmancy place--I know dinner can cost hundreds of dollars, depending on where you go. There are several nice restaurants around here where two people could eat for less than $100, even with a couple of $8 cocktails and an appetizer or dessert. The trouble is when you order a few cocktails apiece AND appetizers AND soup AND dessert, and unless you are celebrating something as a couple, there's no reason to shell out that kind of money.
