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Yes, BUT, can't you see how that could have happened?
I mean, come on, the guy is pretty young. He's still learning
Let's hope his current gf isn't learning on him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by optiflex
When somebodies simple story on the net sparks such strong emotion, consider the respondents have probably been dumped on.
It could have been worse for the first girl. He could have held on with her, as some sort of security blanket, for years
He DID!
And no, I've never been dumped on. In long-term relationships, thus far I've always been the breaker-upper (knock on wood).
I'm just thinking of the Golden Rule, as so many seem to be forgetting in this thread. Would you want your partner to come to you and say, "Oops, sorry. Been drooling over someone at work for two years. I thought I could get over it, but I can't. My bad."
Put yourself in the ex-gf's shoes. Could you see how that would make a person call into question everything that transpired over the previous two years? Like, "So all the times he was telling me he loved me, and all the times he was having sex with me, he could have been thinking about this other chick? Every time he went to my parents' house with me, or spent a holiday with me, he could have been thinking of this other chick? He saw her at work every day. How did he get close enough to her to know this? Every time he worked late, was it to be near her? Do his coworkers know? Did everyone know? Did he f*ck her?"
Could you see how it would tick someone off? That's two years of that woman's life that she could have been out there finding someone who would truly love her.
Could you see how it would make someone slow to trust his or her own judgment, never mind the next person who came around?
What this guy did has some serious potential for creating baggage.
If the OP has learned anything from those of us who jumped down his throat, let's hope that it's to treat others as he himself would want to be treated in that situation.
Not fair. I'm very cynical of the story, and I've never really been dumped on by a guy.
I concede up front he is young, and in large part this is what youth is about... finding what is important to you in life and love.
BUT, my cynical side started in at the mention that as soon as he saw her he knew she was the one!!!!!! Doesn't even know the person she is yet.... she could be absolutely crackers.
And what he describes sounds like straight infatuation, not love. Don't get me wrong, I'm pro-infatuation, it's wonderful, I just don't confuse it with love.
I'm not saying true love can't start this way and under these circumstances, but he very well may find she is not the girl he thought she would be, and end up missing his ex. Or onward to others.
I would love to hear back in 6 months..... and I would love to hear everything is wonderful.
I think in part I'm biased... I have a friend who knows the current guy de jeur is THE ONE everytime..
The girlfriend was likely a very lovely person - someone he really enjoyed and had gotten pretty comfortable with. But for the other girl coming into his world at work he would have likely married the girlfriend and thought he was pretty content and happy. His attraction to the new girl had most likely had NOTHING to do with being dissatisfied with the girlfriend or having "problems" with her at all.
I don't think I'm missing the point. I don't care that he chose to leave his ex-gf for someone else. That's fine. I understand feeling such a strong pull towards someone that you feel like you HAVE to be with them. I also think that he probably thought he was happy with his ex until he met this new girl. All I've been saying is that although he wasn't married to his ex, it does seem that he was in a serious relationship, not one where they were both still on the market and "shopping around". He didn't leave her right away, but eventually he did. I just think that people need to be consistent here. If we're going to give him kudos for following his heart and going after what made him happy, I don't think it should have mattered whether he was married to his ex or not. People are saying it was fine to do because it was just his "girlfriend" and you shouldn't stay with someone if you're not happy, which is true. I'm just asking why that shouldn't still hold true had he been married?
Sorry, but cowardice like that is not an honorable trait. It's also what leaves a woman untrusting and suspicious of the next guy who comes along.
Put it to you this way: The minute I started thinking about other men, I ended a marriage. It's called integrity, and the OP has none.
Let's hope the current woman doesn't do the same to the OP. Imagine being strung along for several years, living with someone, and then hearing that the person had been lusting after, daydreaming about, crushing on someone else the whole time.
That's if he doesn't do it to this chick, too.
Scummy, all around.
I agree. I skipped all the other msgs LOL but honestly. The LAST thing I got from the post was a "warm fuzzy feeling." What a horrible thing to do the girl who WASTED 2 years of her life with him.
He was in LOVE with the other woman? So he waited until he was sure he could start a relationship with her all the while stringing along the girl who was sleeping with him, and probably supporting him, doing laundry, cooking his food etc. I want to throw up...well not really.
Granted the GF should not have moved in with him before marriage...but poor her. Women have a time limit, so wasting 2 years of a young woman's life is a HORRIBLE offense. The honorable thing would have been to let her know early on. I am disgusted.
And no, I've never been dumped on. In long-term relationships, thus far I've always been the breaker-upper (knock on wood).
I'm just thinking of the Golden Rule, as so many seem to be forgetting in this thread. Would you want your partner to come to you and say, "Oops, sorry. Been drooling over someone at work for two years. I thought I could get over it, but I can't. My bad."
Put yourself in the ex-gf's shoes. Could you see how that would make a person call into question everything that transpired over the previous two years? Like, "So all the times he was telling me he loved me, and all the times he was having sex with me, he could have been thinking about this other chick? Every time he went to my parents' house with me, or spent a holiday with me, he could have been thinking of this other chick? He saw her at work every day. How did he get close enough to her to know this? Every time he worked late, was it to be near her? Do his coworkers know? Did everyone know? Did he f*ck her?"
Could you see how it would tick someone off? That's two years of that woman's life that she could have been out there finding someone who would truly love her.
Could you see how it would make someone slow to trust his or her own judgment, never mind the next person who came around?
What this guy did has some serious potential for creating baggage.
If the OP has learned anything from those of us who jumped down his throat, let's hope that it's to treat others as he himself would want to be treated in that situation.
No, what this kid did was live his life the best way he knew how
And we don't know that he told the exgirlfriend the extent of his attraction to the new girl and how long it had been going on for.
We only know that as soon as he realized he HAD to be with the new girl he broke up with the old girlfriend.
I'm betting he was smart enough to realize there was nothing to be gained by saying anything other than, "I've become attracted to someone else and feel I must pursue my feelings so I owe it to you to break things off with you now" - or something similar said in more cool 20-something-speak
And no, I've never been dumped on. In long-term relationships, thus far I've always been the breaker-upper (knock on wood).
I'm just thinking of the Golden Rule, as so many seem to be forgetting in this thread. Would you want your partner to come to you and say, "Oops, sorry. Been drooling over someone at work for two years. I thought I could get over it, but I can't. My bad."
Put yourself in the ex-gf's shoes. Could you see how that would make a person call into question everything that transpired over the previous two years? Like, "So all the times he was telling me he loved me, and all the times he was having sex with me, he could have been thinking about this other chick? Every time he went to my parents' house with me, or spent a holiday with me, he could have been thinking of this other chick? He saw her at work every day. How did he get close enough to her to know this? Every time he worked late, was it to be near her? Do his coworkers know? Did everyone know? Did he f*ck her?"
Could you see how it would tick someone off? That's two years of that woman's life that she could have been out there finding someone who would truly love her.
Could you see how it would make someone slow to trust his or her own judgment, never mind the next person who came around?
What this guy did has some serious potential for creating baggage.
If the OP has learned anything from those of us who jumped down his throat, let's hope that it's to treat others as he himself would want to be treated in that situation.
I agree with you that I would hate being in a position of an ex-girlfriend. I think it's a situation where you are "damned if you do and damned if you don't". If he wrote to us that the minute he saw that other girl, he immediately dumped his stable girlfriend, he would also get harsh criticism. I could see "how could you do this for infatuation?" accusations flying all over the place. He did what he THOUGHT was right at a time and to me, the intentions of a person is what counts. We don't know whether or not his ex-gf is aware that OP was harboring these feelings for 2 years. Maybe she doesn't even know about it.
No, what this kid did was live his life the best way he knew how
And sometimes your best won't do, you know? Even were I to give him the benefit of the doubt--and I'm not because the whole thing is just too cowardly for my tastes--that doesn't mean his obliviousness and naivete aren't capable of creating baggage.
Ex-GF's next guy: I love you.
Ex-GF: That's what the last one said. Then three days after we broke up, he had a new girlfriend.
See, if he's as gaga over this new chick as he says he is, I'd be surprised if the ex hasn't heard all about them through the grapevine by now. He has a picture of the two of them on his C-D profile. I'll bet there is one on his Facebook profile, too, for all the world to see, including his ex.
Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama
I agree with you that I would hate being in a position of an ex-girlfriend. I think it's a situation where you are "damned if you do and damned if you don't". If he wrote to us that the minute he saw that other girl, he immediately dumped his stable girlfriend, he would also get harsh criticism. I could see "how could you do this for infatuation?" accusations flying all over the place. He did what he THOUGHT was right at a time and to me, the intentions of a person is what counts. We don't know whether or not his ex-gf is aware that OP was harboring these feelings for 2 years. Maybe she doesn't even know about it.
Somewhere between "that chick down the hall is hot" and "two years later," the light should have gone on. Two or three months would do it.
Not fair. I'm very cynical of the story, and I've never really been dumped on by a guy.
I concede up front he is young, and in large part this is what youth is about... finding what is important to you in life and love.
BUT, my cynical side started in at the mention that as soon as he saw her he knew she was the one!!!!!! Doesn't even know the person she is yet.... she could be absolutely crackers.
And what he describes sounds like straight infatuation, not love. Don't get me wrong, I'm pro-infatuation, it's wonderful, I just don't confuse it with love.
I'm not saying true love can't start this way and under these circumstances, but he very well may find she is not the girl he thought she would be, and end up missing his ex. Or onward to others.
I would love to hear back in 6 months..... and I would love to hear everything is wonderful.
I think in part I'm biased... I have a friend who knows the current guy de jeur is THE ONE everytime..
I think it would be fascinating for him to come back and post again in 6-12 months! Hope he does
I know that that instant attraction, of knowing "there's the one" is hard for a lot of people to accept or believe in.
But it does happen, and I've seen it happen a handful of times myself.
I agree with you that I would hate being in a position of an ex-girlfriend. I think it's a situation where you are "damned if you do and damned if you don't". If he wrote to us that the minute he saw that other girl, he immediately dumped his stable girlfriend, he would also get harsh criticism. I could see "how could you do this for infatuation?" accusations flying all over the place. He did what he THOUGHT was right at a time and to me, the intentions of a person is what counts. We don't know whether or not his ex-gf is aware that OP was harboring these feelings for 2 years. Maybe she doesn't even know about it.
EXACTLY - damned if you, damned if you don't.
People will always critisize what they don't understand.
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He DID!
I'm very cynical of the story, and I've never really been dumped on by a guy. 
