Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't understand why you even bother. If you don't want a relationship, don't have one. Just stop whining about it in every post.
Not everyone has the constitution for intimacy.
That's just it ... I want a relationship and don't want a relationship at the same time. My emotional/biological side wants one. My lazy, let me do what I want to do, self-reliant side doesn't.
a ha, I see. I see we have different tastes when it comes to "the ladies" but to each their own.
I know it's easier said than done, but with time you can overcome these difficulties. I think first you have to re frame your perspective. In all but two paragraphs you've told me that you are your own worse enemy (aren't we all). Take some time to reflect on yourself, your actions, even things that you might find mundane or banal and look at them from a third person perspective. What would you do different?
No one is judging you bro, as I mentioned a bit earlier in this post this is a behavior that you have to unlearn.
I know that your committed to taking care of your parents, and that is quite noble in this day and age but i'm certain that your folks want to be happy as well without any debilitating crutches. This life thing, well you only get one chance to be you bro. You'll only be "Davros" one time, and with each day passing it should be a reminder that our time here is limited.
You've got nothing to lose from making a small excursion to either Pittsburgh, Philly or NYC. You don't have to hit up bars etc, but it'll be great for you to expose yourself a different environment than your current surroundings. Recession or not the conditions will never be perfect, being "stuck" is only a state of mind. Regardless of what you choose to do, just remember you have nothing to lose from taking risks.
OK. Thanks for the helpful post. I agree that I'm my own worst enemy, but I think I enjoy being that. I think I enjoy keeping myself miserable. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been doing it for so long.
That's just it ... I want a relationship and don't want a relationship at the same time. My emotional/biological side wants one. My lazy, let me do what I want to do, self-reliant side doesn't.
Maybe when you sort your mental health issues out you will be able to choose one or the other.
you probably can't totally eliminate the 'desire' but you can certainly ignore it or don't act upon it that's what I do & I haven't imploded or anything. most people don't choose this route: because they don't 'get it' or because they don't have any willpower in this area in the first place.
Holy crud, is the OP my long lost brother or something. I was thinking bout posting the same topic, although slightly different. More along the lines of how to no feel like a failure and/or how to resist the biological urge to mate and the societal pressures to "settle down". I mean, I'm gonna be 20 in the month, so I should start ASAP, cuz I do believe that unlike the OP, I have more barriers than him to overcome, hence my laziness is more justified.
Dating is hard. No one is perfect, so occasionally people are going to disappoint you. I think the best approach is to be flexible - emotionally tough enough to deal with disappointment, hurt feelings and rejection, but at the same time open enough to let someone be emotionally close to you.
You also have to be ready to date, and to not do it half-assedly. If you're not putting your all into it, how could you possibly expect to have good results?
But whats mentally off about just being resigned to not love eh. I mean if one has completed an honest & accurate assessment of oneself, then its hardly mentally off kilter don't ya think.
Let me give an example, lets just imagine someone who is 20 years old. He's EXTREMELY shallow and he knows it and as such he projects this shallowness out to other people meaning he'll doubt the intentions of any one out of his league but will despair at the 3s, 4s and 5s in his league (ohhh the irony). But unfortunately, he has crowded lower teeth due to braces that didn't take, not to mention that he has noticeable mandibular asymmetry (I would liken it to Ralph Nader's chin)..... Fixing those two problems would amount to a significant amount of money which would mean that he would have to work throughout the term of his twenties (even in a white collar position). Not to mention to fix the asymmetry, pins would have be inserted at the mandible precluding any future MRIs as any form of diagnostic test) By the time these problems can be fixed, his 20s would have wasted away and thus, the period of his youth where he's supposed to "sow his oats" and etc has passed. Couple this with **** poor social skills outside of work and academia, I mean what else would you expect from people like these.
In a sense, I...I mean that person I described above will definately feel a bit of solidarity with the OP...it would be better to get rid of at least the societal expectation that hey its normal to get into a relationship and etc. Although, I know its definitely impossible to suppress the biological urge (but thats what my LH is for)
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
