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Not usually. Unless I really want something to happen. More than likely, if I 'like' someone now, I'll go out of my way to ignore them (cuz I'm married).
Interesting. I have a much older male friend, now married, from way back who I used to get on really well with. After we got back in touch a couple of years ago, we were fine for a while, bantering emails back and forth, doing great, and then all of a sudden he began to act really weird. He was ignoring my emails, deleting every comment I made on FB andthis went on for months. He eventually sent me a really horrid email outlining everything he didn't like about me, and that he believed I was infatuated with him and that we should not be friends anymore. He deleted me on FB and in the same email he told me never to contact him again.
Now honestly, there are two decades between us, he's married with a kid, lives hundreds of miles away, and I'm a pretty woman who is not short of male attention! All I was, was friendly and normal with him, chatty. I'm a very warm sort of person and it's almost like he was reading to much into my online friendliness, even though there was nothing inappropriate. I;ve since re-read my emails to him during that time, and I still can't see anything overly friendly in there, no different to those I''d send to any much appreciated friends now.
He did lavish a great deal of attention on me back when we first met, when he was a single young man (about the age I am now) and I was much younger again. But I was WAY too young back then, and circumstances just did not allow anything to develop beyond a friendship. Romance could never really be on the agenda (I was a teen/minor back then, and now he is married with a kid!) Looking back, the level of attention could be abnormally high, and my mum believed he had a thing for me back then. Two separate psychics in the last year or two have told me this also. These two, plus another one have told me he has a very jealous wife, which is interesting too. I deliberately didn't give them too much informaton and they came up with that. Anyway, what you say is very interesting. I'm wondering if he was developing feelings (again?) and felt he had to begin avoiding me. His behaviour went from one extreme to the other. He means a lot to me, always has, as a friend never mind anything else, and I'm finding it hard to take in the way he treated me. Part of me feels he is just horrid and I should forget it, but another part of me is in denial and can't believe he did that. We really did get on so well, it's so sad. we have tons of mutual friends and are likely to bump into each other at somepoint, if socialising in the same group, and what is hurting me most is knowing how to feel about him. Do I hate him or do I hold onto the affection I always had for him? It's horrible. I just want us to be friends again, I really miss him. But he has hurt me too and I shouldn't feel so sad really, I must be mad
Helps to vent though! And get your view - what do you think?
Interesting. I have a much older male friend, now married, from way back who I used to get on really well with. After we got back in touch a couple of years ago, we were fine for a while, bantering emails back and forth, doing great, and then all of a sudden he began to act really weird. He was ignoring my emails, deleting every comment I made on FB andthis went on for months. He eventually sent me a really horrid email outlining everything he didn't like about me, and that he believed I was infatuated with him and that we should not be friends anymore. He deleted me on FB and in the same email he told me never to contact him again.
Now honestly, there are two decades between us, he's married with a kid, lives hundreds of miles away, and I'm a pretty woman who is not short of male attention! All I was, was friendly and normal with him, chatty. I'm a very warm sort of person and it's almost like he was reading to much into my online friendliness, even though there was nothing inappropriate. I;ve since re-read my emails to him during that time, and I still can't see anything overly friendly in there, no different to those I''d send to any much appreciated friends now.
He did lavish a great deal of attention on me back when we first met, when he was a single young man (about the age I am now) and I was much younger again. But I was WAY too young back then, and circumstances just did not allow anything to develop beyond a friendship. Romance could never really be on the agenda (I was a teen/minor back then, and now he is married with a kid!) Looking back, the level of attention could be abnormally high, and my mum believed he had a thing for me back then. Two separate psychics in the last year or two have told me this also. These two, plus another one have told me he has a very jealous wife, which is interesting too. I deliberately didn't give them too much informaton and they came up with that. Anyway, what you say is very interesting. I'm wondering if he was developing feelings (again?) and felt he had to begin avoiding me. His behaviour went from one extreme to the other. He means a lot to me, always has, as a friend never mind anything else, and I'm finding it hard to take in the way he treated me. Part of me feels he is just horrid and I should forget it, but another part of me is in denial and can't believe he did that. We really did get on so well, it's so sad. we have tons of mutual friends and are likely to bump into each other at somepoint, if socialising in the same group, and what is hurting me most is knowing how to feel about him. Do I hate him or do I hold onto the affection I always had for him? It's horrible. I just want us to be friends again, I really miss him. But he has hurt me too and I shouldn't feel so sad really, I must be mad
Helps to vent though! And get your view - what do you think?
You need to move on. You will find better. You should feel great about yourself and him...not sad. He did an A-hole move to get rid of you. Must of found another. You are worth more than that. Good luck!
LOL at shy being equal to creepy. I like quiet guys. I hate obnoxiousness. I'm a mellow person who just happens to enjoy being playful and flirtatious, but quiet, provided he can still communicate and show some level of interest, is adorable to me.
I've been told it's creepy when a guy has a thing for a girl but doesn't tell her.
I admit I'm afraid to ask a girl out. Too shy I guess. And also fear of rejection. When I wanted to ask a girl out online, she told me I don't have the balls to ask her out with my voice.
But I'm outgoing enough to talk to a girl. Seriously. In any other setting, I have no trouble talking to girls. But when it comes to asking girls out, I'm afraid.
I agree...optiflex hit the nail on the head. You have to take it in context as well as look for combinations of body language and get a "baseline" for the individual.
I think the percentage of women is greater than men as far as intuitively picking up these subtle clues...it's an evolutionary-based theory, but has been shown to have a lot of merit, both scientifically and anecdotally.
I can always tell when someone is interested in me...girls or guys (it doesn't always mean "romantically"). It is body language that tips me off about the nature of their interest, whether they are flirting seriously or just playfully, whether they are the type who can't take a joke, etc. I am more confident reading body language then reading between the lines in written conversations...but I am working on improving those skills every day.
How do I know I'm right in reading these cues? Because in the end, I've always had confirmation. I was asked out or we talked about it (soon after... or sometimes 10-15 years later), or it was an immediate reciprocation. I never want to think "what if?", or leave someone else wondering about my level of interest when they should move on.
If you are having issues reading their interest, waiting too long to make a move generally lets things cool to the point that you will likely have missed your window of opportunity and they may already have a new "diversion". You need to learn to read body language better if you want to know if someone is interested..or just come right out and ask them. There's your choices as I see them.
Wanting or wishing the world would change ("why don't girls ask ME out?") will only continue to handicap you. Start fresh and try appreciating the world and people as they are....it is wonderfully intricate and compelling when you delve into the reasons for 'the way things are' instead of trying to deny/discount them.
I've been told it's creepy when a guy has a thing for a girl but doesn't tell her.
I admit I'm afraid to ask a girl out. Too shy I guess. And also fear of rejection. When I wanted to ask a girl out online, she told me I don't have the balls to ask her out with my voice.
But I'm outgoing enough to talk to a girl. Seriously. In any other setting, I have no trouble talking to girls. But when it comes to asking girls out, I'm afraid.
Come on! You can talk to girls, but not ask them out??? I'm not a guy, but that is just odd to me. Find a creative way if you can't do it in person. Jeez! We are not going to bite your head off! Where did this fear come from anyway???
Just veer a friendly conversation to a movie or some other event, and say "hey, this movie ______ is out right now...do you want to go tomorrow/Friday/next week?" or "The farmer's market is happening in _____, do you want to check it out on Saturday?" Make it casual....you don't have to say "Will you go on a date with me?" Most people would not say that, anyway. Many "dates" I went on were the guy calling me at work and saying "hey, you want to go grab a cup or coffee?" or "Some friends and I are going to that new restaurant tonight and I wondered if you wanted to join us?" No pressure....just friendly and over the phone, email or texting...doesn't matter. How hard can it be to email a girl an invitation for a cup of coffee or to go for a beer after work?
You are making this so insurmountable all on your own. If you re able to have a normal conversation with women, you should be able to figure this out.
Come on! You can talk to girls, but not ask them out??? I'm not a guy, but that is just odd to me. Find a creative way if you can't do it in person. Jeez! We are not going to bite your head off! Where did this fear come from anyway???
Just veer a friendly conversation to a movie or some other event, and say "hey, this movie ______ is out right now...do you want to go tomorrow/Friday/next week?" or "The farmer's market is happening in _____, do you want to check it out on Saturday?" Make it casual....you don't have to say "Will you go on a date with me?" Most people would not say that, anyway. Many "dates" I went on were the guy calling me at work and saying "hey, you want to go grab a cup or coffee?" or "Some friends and I are going to that new restaurant tonight and I wondered if you wanted to join us?" No pressure....just friendly and over the phone, email or texting...doesn't matter. How hard can it be to email a girl an invitation for a cup of coffee or to go for a beer after work?
You are making this so insurmountable all on your own. If you re able to have a normal conversation with women, you should be able to figure this out.
Because if you're just making small talk with a girl, there's no pressure to become more than friends. You can just be yourself and not worry about whether or not she likes you in "that way"
I'm reluctant to ask a girl out because I don't want to ruin a friendship.
Think about the following scenario: I ask a girl out, she's not interested, and she doesn't want to be friends anymore because she realizes I have a thing for her
That's a lose-lose scenario for me. I lose a friend AND I find out she's not interested in me
But if I never asked her out in the first place, we could stay friends and I wouldn't realize she's not interested in me
That makes me wonder about something else. If she can pick up on the fact that I have a thing for her, but I don't ask her out, would she hold that against me and not want to be friends?
Because if you're just making small talk with a girl, there's no pressure to become more than friends. You can just be yourself and not worry about whether or not she likes you in "that way"
I'm reluctant to ask a girl out because I don't want to ruin a friendship.
Think about the following scenario: I ask a girl out, she's not interested, and she doesn't want to be friends anymore because she realizes I have a thing for her
That's a lose-lose scenario for me. I lose a friend AND I find out she's not interested in me
But if I never asked her out in the first place, we could stay friends and I wouldn't realize she's not interested in me
That makes me wonder about something else. If she can pick up on the fact that I have a thing for her, but I don't ask her out, would she hold that against me and not want to be friends?
Maybe, maybe not, you never know with them. I get that quandary completely though. Call me ****ing nuts but I'd like to know someone at least a little bit before asking them out on something, but apparently that's a one-way ticket for a flight on a Concorde to Friend Zone International Airport. And once you are somewhat chummy, if you ask her out and she's not interested then yes that does run the risk of ruining what you worked for. It sucks man.
Maybe, maybe not, you never know with them. I get that quandary completely though. Call me ****ing nuts but I'd like to know someone at least a little bit before asking them out on something, but apparently that's a one-way ticket for a flight on a Concorde to Friend Zone International Airport. And once you are somewhat chummy, if you ask her out and she's not interested then yes that does run the risk of ruining what you worked for. It sucks man.
Yeah, from a logical standpoint it makes sense that you should know someone first before dating them. How can you be sure if you want to date them if you don't know them?
I think a girl in my class might have a thing for me. Today in class, I noticed her looking at me when I walked by. And she had to turn her head to look in my direction, so I know she was looking at me on purpose. I wonder if she was checking me out.
She's not a cougar either. This girl is closer in age to me
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And get your view - what do you think?
Body language impossible to hide
I agree...optiflex hit the nail on the head. You have to take it in context as well as look for combinations of body language and get a "baseline" for the individual.
