Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I would agree it is not the best way to comminicate, but it is the primary means of communication in the 20 yo age range. Many of the texters will make hundreds of texts for every 1 call.
Even when your out at the bar. I'll walk up and start talking to a 20 something yo Text Zombie. She won't even look up and will continue to text. I'll rotate my bar stool and converse with whoever just to get away from the Zombie!
I agree that texting is very common. However, nobody likes text zombies. This is not a situation where if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Don't be a text zombie!
My daughter prefers texting to phone calls, definitely. I can't tell you how frequently she thinks I'm mad because I answered her briefly. I get those comments here, and I write longer responses. It is really hard to convey warmth and humanity in such an impersonal environment. Texting is worse. Younger people are doing themselves a disservice, so I am encouraging Cdubs to give his thumbs a rest and pick up the phone.
I would agree it is not the best way to comminicate, but it is the primary means of communication in the 20 yo age range. Many of the texters will make hundreds of texts for every 1 call. If she is in that demographic starting with a text is not unusual.
Even when your out at the bar. I'll walk up and start talking to a 20 something yo Text Zombie. She won't even look up and will continue to text. I'll rotate my bar stool and converse with whoever just to get away from the Zombie!
Just because everyone is doing it doesn't make it right. Real men know that in order to win over a girl, he's going to have to have to man up and pick up the phone. I'm a 20-something and if a guy I just met initiated contact with a text, I'd be turned-off. Depending on how much I like him and what the text says, I might still consider him, but it's definately not starting off on the right foot.
Faint hearts never won fair maidens. Is an unanswered text all we're going on? Maybe she didn't get it.
If you call her, don't call with the same sort of conversation. "What's up?" "Oh nothing." "Cool. Want to get together sometime?" "OK I guess." Don't do this. Have something in mind ... an invitation somewhere specific that both of you can put on a calendar. No "sometime" or "one of these days" stuff.
Thanks. I may try this tonight then. I really have nothing to lose, so maybe she was just too busy or didn't get my text. Otherwise, I can handle the awkwardness.
Texting is not a good way to have a conversation, which is what many women need to figure out if you are worth their time and effort.
Scenario 1:
You: Hi, how was your evening?
Her: Fine, thanks.
Result: You have no idea whether she is interested in continuing to text. This could be due to her lack of interest or feeling that you aren't that interested in her. Either way, it's up to you to make the next move, and it's awkward.
Scenario 2:
You: Hi, how was your evening?
Her: Fine, thanks. And yours?
Result: The ball is back in your court, where it was to begin with. You still have to think of something interesting to say. If you respond with anything bland like "Great," the conversation is rapidly descending into Boringtown. This is small talk you make with someone on an elevator.
Scenario 3:
You: Hi, how was your evening?
Her: It was so much fun! Some girlfriends and I went to a party and had a total blast. I don't think I'm ready for the night to be over yet. Do you want to come over?
Result: This never happens.
Think of a time when you have been on the phone with someone who was doing something at the time. That distracted, only-half-listening type of conversation: "Yeah ... right ... mm-hm ... wait, what? I missed that ... uh-huh ... OH GOD DUDE PICK UP THE BALL ... sorry, what? Say that again ... uh-huh ..."
That is what texting is like. You're either sitting, staring at the screen, waiting for the next text to appear so you can type some response, or you're doing something else and not really paying attention. An interesting, engaging conversation is one where you are giving your full attention to the other person, and where the other person is giving the same. Texting is not conducive to that level of engagement. It's too brief, and the other person is not there to provide contextual clues like smiling, nodding, eye contact, gestures, etc. How much can you really glean from "ya lol"? It can mean, "Wow, that was so interesting and funny, and I totally agree," or "Whatever."
great post, that. from a woman's perspective, this is spot on.
plus....we want to hear your voice. your voice can be one of the most attractive things about you, if it's deep and masculine you've upped your attractiveness quotient by about 20 points, plus we can 'read' things about you from your voice that we can't from a text.... energy (is it positive or negative, lethargic or upbeat, welcoming or subverted hostility, humble or arrogant), friendliness, *confidence*...these things are all so very important to a woman, much moreso than looks. she needs to get a sense of who you are this way, trust me on this one. sending a text is sending the message that you are just another one of the herd, sounds like she really did like you when she spent time with you in person. if that's the case, i can almost guarantee that when she got your text she was disappointed that you aren't really any different from all the rest.
we are attracted to a man that stands out from the crowd. confidence is numero uno sexy. every boy and his dog texts...real men (rare) will be sure to set themselves apart from all the others, if he's are really interested in me, he will call.
that you 'don't care' one way or the other is neither good nor bad...depends on whether you are detached from the outcome, or indifferent towards her. subtle difference, but a HUGE difference at the same time, and a woman will pick up on it.
texting = indifference (as a woman i'm thinking....gee am i not worth a call, obviously i am not that special to him, he probably texts a hundred girls a week, it's just a numbers game for him, he'll take any girl that texts him back, he doesn't care which one it is)
ok here's a dare for ya....if you really are detached from the outcome, try this little experiment:
call her up today, don't let it go any longer or you will come across as even weirder, lol. at this point, you will probably get her voicemail, this is good, because if you approach this correctly, she will listen a few times, (so use your most confident, manly voice, don't speak too fast) and you have a great chance of impressing her at this point.
honesty and sincerity are key here, so don't use this as a script, just a general idea of what to say.
you: hi _______, it's __________ calling. i sent you a text the other nite because i was in a noisy place, but i wanted to call and just let you know that i really had fun with you saturday, even though you beat me at darts (or some other funny little thing that shows you don't take it all too seriously, and reminds her of a fun and funny moment the two of you shared, or some flirty thing she or you said etc, or if you beat her you can even say something like...even though you're lousy at darts). i was wondering if you'd like to get a bite to eat sometime, or (even better) there's a cool (drumming circle, clog dancing, turtle manicuring...whatever thing...just make sure it's a fun activity) happening this weekend that i thought might be fun to take in. ok well, hope you're having a great day, call me back if you wanna hang out again sometime.
now that will show her you really are interested in *her* not just any girl who will return who knows how many texts you've sent out in a week. texting is like a copy-and-paste email. impersonal, sent to a mass mailing list. no girl wants to feel like she's on your mass texting list.
i hope you give it a shot, if only for experimental purpose. let us know how it goes if you do.
we women really aren't so difficult to figure out, we just want confident sincerity to inspire your efforts with us, that's all.
I'll do just that. I was at a ballgame when I texted her, so I'll just say it was loud at the ball game I was at. I'll mention a street festival this weekend and see if she wants to join me. If not, that's cool too.
Thanks again for not being psycho-analytical on me. I appreciate the advice!
Sweet Joseph and doggiestyle Mary...You're getting horrible advice here. Let it go man. Don't call her. By attempting multiple contacts you're validating her entitlement towards feeling like she sets the pace just because she has the vagina. You haven't learned a thing. Walk away. If this girl was truly panting for you she would break role from all these little asinine role playing games and rules all the women on this thread have sold you a bridge to nowhere with, and she'd literally call you and pester you in the same way you feel you're pestering her. Impersonal or not, you initiated contact, that's it. It's her problem if she wants to play "what does that mean and is that aligned with the validation o my self-worth?" with the fact you texted instead of called. Her loss. Who cares. Bottom line, you met this chick at a bar, it probably wasn't her first time at said venue and it won't be the last, and you sure as chit weren't the first one she gave her number to like a business card. Women always throw the gameism angle like the guy is supposed to abide by all these rules of perception.
The reality is that women can and WILL break from that sillyness the second they see what they really want. Guess what? You're not it for this chick. Sucks. Oh well. When she turns 30 and assuming you're still around, this girl would probably drop panties for you on the spot. This is the sense of self-worth with which most women conduct themselves in their 20s. Life's not fair. She's not the only game in town either, so who cares?! And lastly, if it's outside work, school or mutual friends, it's a losing proposition, statistically speaking.
You need to stick to your own words and walk away. Don't give a damn, remember?
Just because everyone is doing it doesn't make it right. Real men know that in order to win over a girl, he's going to have to have to man up and pick up the phone. I'm a 20-something and if a guy I just met initiated contact with a text, I'd be turned-off. Depending on how much I like him and what the text says, I might still consider him, but it's definately not starting off on the right foot.
I never said it was right, just common. I do find most woman I see (30-40ish) mention they are not as much into texting as calls. I text and call interchangable and I have never had someone not return either one.
"if a guy I just met initiated contact with a text, I'd be turned-off. Depending on how much I like him and what the text says" This was the point I was getting at earlier. If the woman thought he was "Extremely desirable" she would have jumped all over him, text, call or smoke signal!
I'm 28 years old. Honestly, I've had other friends in the same scenario exchange texts with women in the same age group after meeting at a bar or social event rather than having phone calls. Maybe Chicago is just further ahead than other parts of the country...
I am sad for you. 28.... Guys like you make me worry for my daughters, much younger than you, because this is what things have come to. I mean... things have never exactly been 'great' between guys and gals ever since God cursed Eve to desire Adam while simultaneously be full of fear and loathing at the sight of him.... and vice versa. Even with that some men and women have found happiness and a measure of success together. That number is falling rapidly. The only upside to this I can see is that in another generation or so, American men and women will have nothing at all to do with one another and there will be a population crash which will give the rest of the world, and the Earth itself a chance to heal and maybe thrive.
Sweet Joseph and doggiestyle Mary...You're getting horrible advice here. Let it go man. Don't call her. By attempting multiple contacts you're validating her entitlement towards feeling like she sets the pace just because she has the vagina. You haven't learned a thing. Walk away. If this girl was truly panting for you she would break role from all these little asinine role playing games and rules all the women on this thread have sold you a bridge to nowhere with, and she'd literally call you and pester you in the same way you feel you're pestering her. Impersonal or not, you initiated contact, that's it. It's her problem if she wants to play "what does that mean and is that aligned with the validation o my self-worth?" with the fact you texted instead of called. Her loss. Who cares. Bottom line, you met this chick at a bar, it probably wasn't her first time at said venue and it won't be the last, and you sure as chit weren't the first one she gave her number to like a business card. Women always throw the gameism angle like the guy is supposed to abide by all these rules of perception.
The reality is that women can and WILL break from that sillyness the second they see what they really want. Guess what? You're not it for this chick. Sucks. Oh well. When she turns 30 and assuming you're still around, this girl would probably drop panties for you on the spot. This is the sense of self-worth with which most women conduct themselves in their 20s. Life's not fair. She's not the only game in town either, so who cares?! And lastly, if it's outside work, school or mutual friends, it's a losing proposition, statistically speaking.
You need to stick to your own words and walk away. Don't give a damn, remember?
In the back of my mind, this is what I'm thinking. But hey, we've got psychologists and experts here who know exactly what this woman is thinking, so I'm entertaining their ideas. It's always easy for them to fall back on the "well you screwed up by texting first anyway" excuse, so of course they've set me on a path to fail.
The best is H886 telling me I'm not mentally healthy enough and I need therapy. Been to therapy before, I benefited quite a bit from just a few sessions. I might actually call up my old therapist as he'd be proud of my state of mind. I'm a firm believer that even if this woman had set ways about what a call vs a text means, she'd break away and let it slide with a response if she was REALLY interested.
Besides, when speaking to her she talked a little bit about an ex boyfriend. I remember somewhat laughing at her in the back of my mind as she admitted that she supported him financially for 3 months and that he ended up stealing many of her things and selling them at a pawn shop before he split. Who dates people like that? lol
It's all good though, I'll call her for entertainment. Why not? It's a science experiment. I'm not wagering any emotion on the situation. Worst case scenario she picks up and tells me she's not interested and I thank her for the honesty and delete her number. Best case: she's interested but was just busy and wants to go out. I can't really lose here. I'll just go with it for chitts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LS Jaun
I never said it was right, just common. I do find most woman I see (30-40ish) mention they are not as much into texting as calls. I text and call interchangable and I have never had someone not return either one.
"if a guy I just met initiated contact with a text, I'd be turned-off. Depending on how much I like him and what the text says" This was the point I was getting at earlier. If the woman thought he was "Extremely desirable" she would have jumped all over him, text, call or smoke signal!
Exactly. I'm cool with knowing she just wasn't interested. That's what I figured from that evening when I realized she never texted me back. Oh well, I slept like a baby last night and didn't even think about it until I saw a similar thread so I thought I'd share my story.
Thanks for the viewpoint!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Is an unanswered text all we're going on? Maybe she didn't get it.
. Guys like you make me worry for my daughters, much younger than you, because this is what things have come to. I mean... things have never exactly been 'great' between guys and gals ever since God cursed Eve to desire Adam while simultaneously be full of fear and loathing at the sight of him.... and vice versa. Even with that some men and women have found happiness and a measure of success together. That number is falling rapidly. The only upside to this I can see is that in another generation or so, American men and women will have nothing at all to do with one another and there will be a population crash which will give the rest of the world, and the Earth itself a chance to heal and maybe thrive.