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It seems there is a simple solution to this. You live only 5 minutes apart and your girls are aged 13 and 16. That is certainly old enough to spend an occasional afternoon babysitting their nieces and nephews if you'll allow them to spend time together.
She's wrong to be nasty on Facebook. That's uncalled for. But just like you are entitled to choose that you don't want to be involved with your grandchildren (which is perfectly valid), she is entitled to be hurt by that.
Yes, you do work full time... but as a teacher... meaning that right now you're completely off for the summer. While you couldn't do as much during the school year, during the summer could you stop by and take the kids for an afternoon occasionally? You also mentioned before that she has a brand new baby of 3-4 months that you still haven't seen, despite the fact that she lives just 5 minutes away. You absolutely have the right to say you want nothing to do with them--you just have to accept that she may be hurt and that the hurt may trickle through the family. Ultimately, she cannot control if you come to visit your grandchildren or not and you cannot control if she tells everyone she knows about it on Facebook.
Were it me, I'd pick the kids up a few times a month for few hours--bring them back to your house and watch a movie together or bake some cookies or something. Sometimes a little gesture is enough to keep the peace in the family. I'm sure your husband would appreciate you making his son's family feel included, as well. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.
If you read the other thread, you'd know I'm not welcome in her home. She's made it clear any relationship her kids have with us will be through dss and I think he just wants to avoid conflict. He hasn't had much to say to me since before he made her appologize to dh for the stuff she posted about me on facebook last year. He's polite when he's here but he no longer calls to talk, which he used to do all the time. It's really hard to see the baby under those conditions.
It's just drama. On the one hand, she tells us we're not welcome and need to make arrangements through dss and then she goes on line to complain that we don't take the kids on outings. I came to the conclusion she's an attention hog long ago and she'll do anything to get attention. I would rather just live life. In spite of being retired, I think the boys saw their grandparents about four times a year and I don't even recall them taking them on outings. Sleep overs were about it (they lived in the country so sleep overs were a pretty big deal with acerage to run, a pool to swim in, and woods to explore (we lived in the city)). THAT is what I consider a normal grandparent relationship not constant outings.
Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that he mom takes the kids on outings all the time but that is her choice. I don't get comparing grandparents. Especially, when situations are totally different. I'm still paying for braces so I'm not up to paying for admission to every attraction in the area. The beach at the state park (with no water slides or theme characters ) is about our speed right now. That only costs me $10/year.
If you read the other thread, you'd know I'm not welcome in her home. She's made it clear any relationship her kids have with us will be through dss and I think he just wants to avoid conflict. He hasn't had much to say to me since before he made her appologize to dh for the stuff she posted about me on facebook last year. He's polite when he's here but he no longer calls to talk, which he used to do all the time. It's really hard to see the baby under those conditions.
I agree with you that she sounds like a pill. I do. I'm just trying to think of how to make this easier on your family. No matter who is more at fault or not at fault at all, it's probably saddening to your husband to see this relationship falling apart and probably your girls could benefit from the relationship with extended family, imperfect as they are.
I do remember that you're not welcome in her home, but I seem to recall that you were always welcome to take the grandkids, perhaps 2 of them close in age at a time. Of course it's your choice, but if you truly wanted to offer a solution for the sake of your husband and girls, it might be worth it to pick up the kids and bring them over to your house for a few hours once or twice a month. You only live 5 minutes away and your girls could visit with them then. A few hours spent baking cookies or watching a video and having popcorn together would be a fairly simple but effective way to spend some time with them if you decide it's worth it to keep the family peace.
I agree with you that she sounds like a pill. I do. I'm just trying to think of how to make this easier on your family. No matter who is more at fault or not at fault at all, it's probably saddening to your husband to see this relationship falling apart and probably your girls could benefit from the relationship with extended family, imperfect as they are.
I do remember that you're not welcome in her home, but I seem to recall that you were always welcome to take the grandkids, perhaps 2 of them close in age at a time. Of course it's your choice, but if you truly wanted to offer a solution for the sake of your husband and girls, it might be worth it to pick up the kids and bring them over to your house for a few hours once or twice a month. You only live 5 minutes away and your girls could visit with them then. A few hours spent baking cookies or watching a video and having popcorn together would be a fairly simple but effective way to spend some time with them if you decide it's worth it to keep the family peace.
Yes, ddil wants a schedule by which I pick up the kids, at least, two at a time. I'm guessing I'm supposed to call dss and work that out. I'm sure I'm on the list for not having done so.
To be honest, dh has had it up to the rafters with ddil. He's written the whole situation off. If he sees the kids, great. If he doesn't, he doesn't worry about it. He figures they'll, eventually, visit or invite us to something. He's content to have them raise their family and see them a few times a year.
Yes, ddil wants a schedule by which I pick up the kids, at least, two at a time. I'm guessing I'm supposed to call dss and work that out. I'm sure I'm on the list for not having done so.
To be honest, dh has had it up to the rafters with ddil. He's written the whole situation off. If he sees the kids, great. If he doesn't, he doesn't worry about it. He figures they'll, eventually, visit or invite us to something. He's content to have them raise their family and see them a few times a year.
Well, then if it doesn't bother either of you, just delete her from your Facebook and that of your daughters and don't worry about what she's saying. It seems you two just don't see eye to eye.
Yes, ddil wants a schedule by which I pick up the kids, at least, two at a time. I'm guessing I'm supposed to call dss and work that out. I'm sure I'm on the list for not having done so.
To be honest, dh has had it up to the rafters with ddil. He's written the whole situation off. If he sees the kids, great. If he doesn't, he doesn't worry about it. He figures they'll, eventually, visit or invite us to something. He's content to have them raise their family and see them a few times a year.
I agree with your husband. Take his lead and I bet you'll be more relaxed regarding this situation. And don't read her wall, and tell your girls you don't want to hear it.
I've never seen the baby (step grand son, BTW) because I'm not allowed over her house and that's where the baby is . I'm supposed to make arrangements to see the kids through dss when he's home, which he rarely is.
I don't care what she thinks except that it's impacting both families. I do get tired of her airing this crap on line. And she blocked my profile last year when I was informed that any relationship I will ever have with her children will be through dss and since dss is rarely home, that's rarely. My girls are seeing the posts and telling me. Unfortunately, the pictures she posts on facebook are the only time the kids even see their neices and nephews so I hate to have my dd's block her profile.
Sorry, I don't buy it. Just doesn't ring right for me. You already stated that she wanted you to come take the kids...and now you say you aren't allowed over. It really sounds to me like you are making this much more difficult than it has to be. You don't like her, and she doesn't like you. You don't like the kids either...if you did, none of this would even be an issue. Cut her out of your FB world and move on.
Thanks. I hope that's what others think. IMO, this is very low class. Whether or not a grandparent has time for outings is not the stuff of public postings.
Edited to add: I just went and looked at her wall and almost every post has an F-bomb. I think her friends are the only ones who are going to think anything of her posts about me and I really don't care what they think. Thanks. I didn't stop to think how low class this kind of attack appears to anyone with any class. Any of my family, whose opinion does matter to me, know that her mom is retired, single and has no kids at home and I'm in a totally different place. Dh and I have our hands full with jobs and kids of our own. Aside from the occaisional trip to the zoo, there just aren't going to be outings.
I also think, given the profanity she and her friends post, I need to block her on my girl's accounts. I probably won't even see a picture of the baby before he's 2 by doing that but I really don't need a 13 yo and a 16 yo reading about how everything is f-ing this and f-ing that do I? Yeah, she's real high class.
Well that right there would do it for me. Block her and be done with it. No loss.
My response is to treat her like she treats you. If she continues the drama, ignore her. She doesn't respect you, why should you waste your time on her antics then? The less energy spent the better. If she starts playing nice, then play nice within reason. Condition her like a dog to respond to rewards and incentives to function like a civilized human being with regards to you. But hey, that's just my advice to you. It may be harsh but I hate taking **** from people.
Sorry, I don't buy it. Just doesn't ring right for me. You already stated that she wanted you to come take the kids...and now you say you aren't allowed over. It really sounds to me like you are making this much more difficult than it has to be. You don't like her, and she doesn't like you. You don't like the kids either...if you did, none of this would even be an issue. Cut her out of your FB world and move on.
That's part of the problem. I am supposed to arrange to see the kids through dss but she complains that they only have one grandparent who takes them on regular outings. She's making sure she has something to complain about and I agree it makes little sense.
It is very difficult to make arrangements through dss to see the kids becuase he's home maybe one out of three weekends and, to be honest, I really don't want to take the kids during the few days he's home. I'm fine with him bringing them over for dinner but he doensn't see them much himself. What I have never done is called dss to work out the visitation schedule. Since I'm not allowed over, I'm going to guess that dss will either want dh picking them up or will have them ready to go when I drive up and just send them out the door. I've never had a sit down with dss to figure out what arrangements she wants. I just know she wants a schedule and, right now, I'm a SOB for not having one. I have no idea why she's not upset with dh. Apparently, grandpa showing no interest is ok.
I don't know where you get I don't like the kids. I just don't have much opportunity to see them.
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I came to the conclusion she's an attention hog long ago and she'll do anything to get attention. I would rather just live life. In spite of being retired, I think the boys saw their grandparents about four times a year and I don't even recall them taking them on outings. Sleep overs were about it (they lived in the country so sleep overs were a pretty big deal with acerage to run, a pool to swim in, and woods to explore (we lived in the city)). THAT is what I consider a normal grandparent relationship not constant outings. 
) is about our speed right now. That only costs me $10/year.
