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It really sounds to me like you are making this much more difficult than it has to be. You don't like her, and she doesn't like you. You don't like the kids either...if you did, none of this would even be an issue. Cut her out of your FB world and move on.
This. In that other long thread, I never got the impression that you liked her children or missed them; it was all about obligation and grudges. You don't like your daughter-in-law, she doesn't like you, and you seem to have feelings of guilt that you are having trouble getting over.
And I'd block her from your girls' Facebook too. They don't have to associate with someone who uses that language and trash-talks their mom unless you allow it.
And one other thing ... why do you keep calling her your DEAR daughter-in-law? You hate that woman's guts.
First off, I feel for you and your husband...you both have better things to do than to engage in a marathon p****ng contest with someone who exhibits the emotional maturity of fresh roadkill
She is also, judging from posts upthread, having a divisive influence on your daughters---that isn't good either...
What really gets me torqued, though, are two other things...her insistence on airing family laundry on Facebook, complete with 6th-grade gutter language (F-bombs? just who does she think she is? Bet she woudn't do that to your face), and having to make arrangements through your apparently spaghetti-spined stepson in law, for you to see YOUR OWN GRANDKIDS...
Couple things need to happen here...don't sink to her level---you and your husband keep on being the better people and rise above her b***s**t attention-getting tactics...
Also, don't let her drive a wedge between you and your daughters...it's bad enough that she insists on doing stuff online, now she's causing a rift between your daughters too? Uht to the uh-uh...stop that mess NOW...
Further, politely explain to your stepson that he needs to grow a spine and tell miss Drama Queen to go chop ice and stop with her petty-a** behind the scenes pot-stirring...Miss Ivory, those are YOUR GRANDKIDS---you shouldn't have to make arrangements to see them, nor should you be castigated for being a bad grandparent, because you aren't puckering up to kiss her hind end and go along with her drama fast enough
I sincerely hope everything works out for you in the end...the only arrangement that needs to be made, to me, is for someone to arrange to hand your childish, overly-dramatic daughter in law a road map, and tell her a** where to go, in a hurry---you really have better things to do with your life and time than to capitulate to someone whose path to adulthood apparently got stopped somewhere short of the finish line
No offense to our OP, but her husband did/does have a problem with alcohol. The dysfunction in the stepson's childhood seems to be coming home to roost. Just sayin'...
This. In that other long thread, I never got the impression that you liked her children or missed them; it was all about obligation and grudges. You don't like your daughter-in-law, she doesn't like you, and you seem to have feelings of guilt that you are having trouble getting over.
And I'd block her from your girls' Facebook too. They don't have to associate with someone who uses that language and trash-talks their mom unless you allow it.
And one other thing ... why do you keep calling her your DEAR daughter-in-law? You hate that woman's guts.
And I wouldn't be using "DSS" either - took me a few posts to realize she meant her dear step son and not the Department of Social Services
This. In that other long thread, I never got the impression that you liked her children or missed them; it was all about obligation and grudges. You don't like your daughter-in-law, she doesn't like you, and you seem to have feelings of guilt that you are having trouble getting over.
And I'd block her from your girls' Facebook too. They don't have to associate with someone who uses that language and trash-talks their mom unless you allow it.
And one other thing ... why do you keep calling her your DEAR daughter-in-law? You hate that woman's guts.
Who said the d stands for "dear"?
I like the kids. I don't like their mother and I don't like the drama and the stress. The problem is, seeing the kids is tied to the drama and the stress. That makes it an uncomfortable situation. I don't think visiting family should be uncomfortable.
No offense to our OP, but her husband did/does have a problem with alcohol. The dysfunction in the stepson's childhood seems to be coming home to roost. Just sayin'...
The problem isn't with him, it's with her. I don't know what to make of her childhood. If half of her claims are true about her mother, her mother isn't someone I'd ever allow to be around my kids yet she insists they have to spend time with her .
Sounds like the mon is an absolute cow! Why is she like that?
I don't know but it started early. She pitched a fit about how dss doesn't trust her when he asked for a DNA test when their first child was born (they had broken up when she turned up pregnant), she eliminated most of his friends and family almost immediately after they got married then cut off the rest of my family within a couple of years and now she seems to have moved on to us. I'm pretty sure she has baby after baby for the attention it gets her and I'm pretty sure she doesn't even like her kids after about the age of six. She's just strange.
Dss must really be in love. I wouldn't put up with her.
I don't know but it started early. She pitched a fit about how dss doesn't trust her when he asked for a DNA test when their first child was born (they had broken up when she turned up pregnant), she eliminated most of his friends and family almost immediately after they got married then cut off the rest of my family within a couple of years and now she seems to have moved on to us. I'm pretty sure she has baby after baby for the attention it gets her and I'm pretty sure she doesn't even like her kids after about the age of six. She's just strange.
Dss must really be in love. I wouldn't put up with her.
I don't know about in love. She might have some kind of leverage over him keeping him there. Anyways, she is a prime example of what CFers would call a moo. Because first off she acts like a cow by going around having kids with many men and second because she's obsessed with her offspring and think everyone has to bend over backwards for them and herself.
I had a MIL once..whew glad that does not exist anymore and whether or not she sees my son or not? Is up to her and my spineless ex and he is going to be none the worse because of it...lol..My son will be a good man one day and there will be no credit to his extended family...
My mother? Yes blessed to have my dad so she did not haveto work and just focus on her beautiful grandchildren without excuses...sorry...I am so glad your dil has her mommy, what what would we do WITHOUT our mommies?
BTW I agree with you..I would not want not a WOMAN who is the step grandma..( Glorified name) whom has such a busy lifestyle to see my children..god forbid it be a chore..lol
Before you CHOOSE to attack you my want to know that I am adopted by two of the greatest people on earth WHOM have no BIOLOGICAL ties to my twin sister and I BUT chose to love us and and our children to death!
No questions asked..have nieces and nephews that are blood related with children that actually look like them BUT WE AND OUR CHILDREN PLAY PRECEDENCE...
I am thankful to GOD everyday that he has granted me the love and grace to have these 2 people in my life and I do not have to worry about trivial issues such as this..
You only get what you put in..had you invested some of your precious
time in seeing your STEP gfrandchildren? You may have a wonderful DIL..
At your age? tsk tsk...you have children as well? Well incorporating the grandkids shopuld not be a problem then huh?
I don't know about in love. She might have some kind of leverage over him keeping him there. Anyways, she is a prime example of what CFers would call a moo. Because first off she acts like a cow by going around having kids with many men and second because she's obsessed with her offspring and think everyone has to bend over backwards for them and herself.
As far as we know, all five are dss's but there are those who claim the oldest is not but that's now water under the bridge because you don't do a DNA test 10 years later. I told dss he either did one at birth or never. She cried about how he didn't trust her and how she wouldn't stay with a man who didn't trust her and he bought it. I've never understood this because I would never allow my child's paternity to be challenged. I would have done that DNA test and rubbed it in his face. Given that those who protest their innocence the loudest tend to be guilty, who knows but the child is his now.
She does think that her kids are front and center. It doesn't even dawn on her that I have two of my own (which she ignores ). I'm supposed to drop everything to take her kids on outings that she'll post about on facebook. I really don't care that this is what her mom wants to do (except if half of what she says about her mom is true, she's not someone you'd ever leave a child with) with her time but I don't have the time. I don't even take my own kids on outings. At least not ones that cost money.
You know, family should not cause so much grief. No one owes you anything. Accept anything they give with grace, say thank you and get on with your life. If it's important to you that your child have a relationship with a certain person, make sure it happens. Make it easy for that person to have a relationship with your child.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 07-14-2011 at 04:10 AM..
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). I'm supposed to drop everything to take her kids on outings that she'll post about on facebook. I really don't care that this is what her mom wants to do (except if half of what she says about her mom is true, she's not someone you'd ever leave a child with) with her time but I don't have the time. I don't even take my own kids on outings. At least not ones that cost money. 
