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Background:
I'm a divorced mother of two and I've been dating my current boyfriend for about seven months now. He's 24 and I'm 27. Yes, the age disparity is huge (at least in my opinion). He pursued me relentlessly despite the fact that I'm a divorcee with children (I had reservations about dating someone younger than me because I have children). My ex-husband had primary custody of my sons throughout most of our relationship, however, this will be changing in the fall.
The Dilemma:
My boyfriend is worried what the change in custody will mean for our relationship and he is having second thoughts about whether he can handle dating a single mother.
My Thoughts:
I'm very upset that he waited until this point in our relationship to decide that he might not be on board. He was aware that I wanted my sons primarily and that the probability of this happening was very high. There were several points in our relationship where I've explicitly asked him whether he was okay with "my baggage". I'm regretting getting emotionally involved with someone his age despite my strong feelings for him. His indecisiveness is unsettling for me (to say the least) on one hand but I can't help but think that my anger might be unjustified. Perhaps that his desire to reassess our relationship is normal and that I should give him time to sort out his feelings. But on the other hand, I feel that if he truly loves me as much as he claims to, he should have made up his mind long ago. What should I do, people of the internet?
I would tell your boyfriend that you agree with him. You agree that he can't handle dating a single mother. Tell him goodbye and good luck and thanks for the memories.
I wouldn't blame him too much for not having a lot of self awareness in the beginning of the relationship. Maybe at the time, he thought he could handle it but now he realizes that he can't. Better to find out now.
Background:
I'm a divorced mother of two and I've been dating my current boyfriend for about seven months now. He's 24 and I'm 27. Yes, the age disparity is huge (at least in my opinion). He pursued me relentlessly despite the fact that I'm a divorcee with children (I had reservations about dating someone younger than me because I have children). My ex-husband had primary custody of my sons throughout most of our relationship, however, this will be changing in the fall.
The Dilemma:
My boyfriend is worried what the change in custody will mean for our relationship and he is having second thoughts about whether he can handle dating a single mother.
My Thoughts:
I'm very upset that he waited until this point in our relationship to decide that he might not be on board. He was aware that I wanted my sons primarily and that the probability of this happening was very high. There were several points in our relationship where I've explicitly asked him whether he was okay with "my baggage". I'm regretting getting emotionally involved with someone his age despite my strong feelings for him. His indecisiveness is unsettling for me (to say the least) on one hand but I can't help but think that my anger might be unjustified. Perhaps that his desire to reassess our relationship is normal and that I should give him time to sort out his feelings. But on the other hand, I feel that if he truly loves me as much as he claims to, he should have made up his mind long ago. What should I do, people of the internet?
24 to 27 is NOT "huge"
What IS huge is the fact that you are a parent and he is not.
Let him go and concentrate on your young children. There is plenty of time for dating later down the line - be a mom for now.
You are hurting, and I'm sorry for that, but he is doing the right thing for himself - now go do the same for yourself and your kids.
I would tell your boyfriend that you agree with him. You agree that he can't handle dating a single mother. Tell him goodbye and good luck and thanks for the memories.
I wouldn't blame him too much for not having a lot of self awareness in the beginning of the relationship. Maybe at the time, he thought he could handle it but now he realizes that he can't. Better to find out now.
ETA: I'm sorry your heart is hurting.
From the "people of the internet" you will be receiving both "pearls of wisdom" and "snippets of wisdom".
I do believe boodhabunny has passed on to you a pearl. Just a small one though, but a good one.
So everyone is in agreement that his indecision is enough to give him the boot? If he decides that he's okay with my single motherdom, I should still walk away?
So everyone is in agreement that his indecision is enough to give him the boot? If he decides that he's okay with my single motherdom, I should still walk away?
He's awfully young to be taking on a single mom and her kids. Some guys would be up to it, but most would not.
He is having reservations and is not enthusiastic about this, so in the best interests of your children I'd let him go.
Background:
I'm a divorced mother of two and I've been dating my current boyfriend for about seven months now. He's 24 and I'm 27. Yes, the age disparity is huge (at least in my opinion). He pursued me relentlessly despite the fact that I'm a divorcee with children (I had reservations about dating someone younger than me because I have children). My ex-husband had primary custody of my sons throughout most of our relationship, however, this will be changing in the fall.
The Dilemma:
My boyfriend is worried what the change in custody will mean for our relationship and he is having second thoughts about whether he can handle dating a single mother.
My Thoughts:
I'm very upset that he waited until this point in our relationship to decide that he might not be on board. He was aware that I wanted my sons primarily and that the probability of this happening was very high. There were several points in our relationship where I've explicitly asked him whether he was okay with "my baggage". I'm regretting getting emotionally involved with someone his age despite my strong feelings for him. His indecisiveness is unsettling for me (to say the least) on one hand but I can't help but think that my anger might be unjustified. Perhaps that his desire to reassess our relationship is normal and that I should give him time to sort out his feelings. But on the other hand, I feel that if he truly loves me as much as he claims to, he should have made up his mind long ago. What should I do, people of the internet?
first the age difference is not bad at all (my ex was 7 years younger)... age depends on maturity but this change in attitude with the children just won't work... I'm sure the number one thing in your life are your children so just tell him... you accept my children because if you reject them... you are rejecting me... after all they are an extention of you... say "bye bye" or ask yourself who is the most important thing in your life?
An age difference of three years is huge only in your mind, really, as you come to realize later in your life, three years is nothing. A person's maturity, rather than age, is what makes a difference. The OP said "I'm very upset that he waited until this point in our relationship to decide that he might not be on board". You have a short 7 month relationship and you think he should have made a very important decision much sooner? I suspect he didn't really know just what to expect, taking on the responsibility of two children is no small thing. Especially when it is two step children. I think having a long talk and letting him know that you understand if he chooses to leave, would be the best course of action. If you love him as much as you profess you are also concerned with his feelings, not just your own. If he is smart, he will find someone else.
He's awfully young to be taking on a single mom and her kids. Some guys would be up to it, but most would not.
He is having reservations and is not enthusiastic about this, so in the best interests of your children I'd let him go.
Agreed 100%
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age difference huge??
