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So here's the deal. It started back in my senior year of HS. I met my ex boyfriend at school and we started off as friends. As time progressed, he admitted he had feelings for me. At the time, I reciprocated and we ended up dating.
We enjoyed the first couple months we dated but around the later part of the third month, we started having stupid arguments. I felt like he was trying to manipulate me to turn against my family at times and my mom nitpicking over the smallest things didn't help either (eg. Dirty fingernails) And she was completely passive aggressive about it too. For example, my brother (who also hangs out with him) tells my mom some things he does and she would tell me "Just so you know, he did (insert petty thing to nitpick here). I'm not suggesting anything. I'm just saying."
I cannot tell you how annoying that was!!
Another factor was the fact that I was starting college and my family also wanted me to meet new people and not make dating him exclusive. The reason being is because he was still in HS. They felt like he was too immature for me because of our 3 year age difference. That's understandable, but I wasn't ready to let go because he was my first boyfriend.
But as time went by, I found as though I was in a tug-o-war between him and my family. The silly arguments with my boyfriend and the stress of getting into the swing of college didn't help either. So, I decided that I couldn't take the tug-o-war anymore so I broke up with him.
It wasn't easy to do but it had to be done. I hated feeling like I was distant from my family and I needed to focus on my schooling. We remained friends though because Thats what we said we'd do if we broke up. It was hard at first not being awkward but over time, it started to disappear.
Then, earlier this year he said that he still loved me like a sister. Inwas fine with that. I told him I still loved him like a brother. Our friendship got stronger again and he started finding other girls to like. However, he kept saying that no one came close to me.
So this continues on until recently when he took a trip to Fillmont. He came back and said that during his time there, he realized that he was still in love with me, but he would give me the choice on whether unwanted to get back together or not. I chose not because I didn't want to go through that ordeal again. He was fine with that but he's still open with his feelings for me.
So, in conclusion, I want to remain friends with him but I don't have romantic feelings for him the way he does for me anymore. I also doubt that he actually loves me due to his age (17). I still feel like he and I are too young to understand what real love is and I think it might ruin our friendship if we tried dating each other again. But he doesn't seem to get it. I honestly think it's just hormones talking.
So can anyone help me? How do I remain friends with him, but at the same time get him to find someone else and realize that we're not right for each other without hurting him?
I didn't read anywhere in your OP that you told him you aren't interested in anything more than friends. That you told him you want to date other people. That you're dating guys in college, or that you're interested in dating more mature people with things you have in common.
So here's the deal. It started back in my senior year of HS. I met my ex boyfriend at school and we started off as friends. As time progressed, he admitted he had feelings for me. At the time, I reciprocated and we ended up dating.
We enjoyed the first couple months we dated but around the later part of the third month, we started having stupid arguments. I felt like he was trying to manipulate me to turn against my family at times and my mom nitpicking over the smallest things didn't help either (eg. Dirty fingernails) And she was completely passive aggressive about it too. For example, my brother (who also hangs out with him) tells my mom some things he does and she would tell me "Just so you know, he did (insert petty thing to nitpick here). I'm not suggesting anything. I'm just saying."
I cannot tell you how annoying that was!!
Another factor was the fact that I was starting college and my family also wanted me to meet new people and not make dating him exclusive. The reason being is because he was still in HS. They felt like he was too immature for me because of our 3 year age difference. That's understandable, but I wasn't ready to let go because he was my first boyfriend.
But as time went by, I found as though I was in a tug-o-war between him and my family. The silly arguments with my boyfriend and the stress of getting into the swing of college didn't help either. So, I decided that I couldn't take the tug-o-war anymore so I broke up with him.
It wasn't easy to do but it had to be done. I hated feeling like I was distant from my family and I needed to focus on my schooling. We remained friends though because Thats what we said we'd do if we broke up. It was hard at first not being awkward but over time, it started to disappear.
Then, earlier this year he said that he still loved me like a sister. Inwas fine with that. I told him I still loved him like a brother. Our friendship got stronger again and he started finding other girls to like. However, he kept saying that no one came close to me.
So this continues on until recently when he took a trip to Fillmont. He came back and said that during his time there, he realized that he was still in love with me, but he would give me the choice on whether unwanted to get back together or not. I chose not because I didn't want to go through that ordeal again. He was fine with that but he's still open with his feelings for me.
So, in conclusion, I want to remain friends with him but I don't have romantic feelings for him the way he does for me anymore. I also doubt that he actually loves me due to his age (17). I still feel like he and I are too young to understand what real love is and I think it might ruin our friendship if we tried dating each other again. But he doesn't seem to get it. I honestly think it's just hormones talking.
So can anyone help me? How do I remain friends with him, but at the same time get him to find someone else and realize that we're not right for each other without hurting him?
You don't. He's going to feel hurt, no matter how you reject him. He's not going to look for someone else until he realizes it's never going to happen with you again. And he's not going to realize that without your hurting him.
Sit him down, one on one. Tell him, respectfully but point blank, that you two aren't ever going to be a couple again. Be absolutely clear about it. Don't waffle, don't hem and haw, don't leave any ambiguity. Because if you give him the slightest hope of getting back together with you, he'll cling to it, and the situation will only get worse for both of you. Giving him hope about it will only create more pain for you both in the long run; this is one of those more-cruel-to-be-kind/more-kind-to-be-cruel moments in life. Be firm, be clear, and be consistent.
Once you tell him, let him react however he reacts. He may yell, he may cry, he may bargain.
You may not be able to remain friends. I don't know the guy, so anything is possible. But you have to be ready for the possibility that he would rather not be friends than not go out with you.
As long as you remain clear, firm and consistent that you two will never be together again, you'll both get through it.
I didn't read anywhere in your OP that you told him you aren't interested in anything more than friends. That you told him you want to date other people. That you're dating guys in college, or that you're interested in dating more mature people with things you have in common.
I told him I wasn't interesting in dating him again and he went and told my brother! Then I had to hear it from him!! So I had to go tell him that I'm not interested in dating anyone right now. Which is technically true since I have 17 units again this semester and won't have time to date anyone. But also false since I kind of did meet someone.
I told him I wasn't interesting in dating him again and he went and told my brother! Then I had to hear it from him!! So I had to go tell him that I'm not interested in dating anyone right now. Which is technically true since I have 17 units again this semester and won't have time to date anyone. But also false since I kind of did meet someone.
He'll get over it.
Try ignoring him for a few months.
Once his desperation has worn off he won't be so stuck on you and you can be friends again.
So here's the deal. It started back in my senior year of HS. I met my ex boyfriend at school and we started off as friends. As time progressed, he admitted he had feelings for me. At the time, I reciprocated and we ended up dating.
We enjoyed the first couple months we dated but around the later part of the third month, we started having stupid arguments. I felt like he was trying to manipulate me to turn against my family at times and my mom nitpicking over the smallest things didn't help either (eg. Dirty fingernails) And she was completely passive aggressive about it too. For example, my brother (who also hangs out with him) tells my mom some things he does and she would tell me "Just so you know, he did (insert petty thing to nitpick here). I'm not suggesting anything. I'm just saying."
I cannot tell you how annoying that was!!
Another factor was the fact that I was starting college and my family also wanted me to meet new people and not make dating him exclusive. The reason being is because he was still in HS. They felt like he was too immature for me because of our 3 year age difference. That's understandable, but I wasn't ready to let go because he was my first boyfriend.
But as time went by, I found as though I was in a tug-o-war between him and my family. The silly arguments with my boyfriend and the stress of getting into the swing of college didn't help either. So, I decided that I couldn't take the tug-o-war anymore so I broke up with him.
It wasn't easy to do but it had to be done. I hated feeling like I was distant from my family and I needed to focus on my schooling. We remained friends though because Thats what we said we'd do if we broke up. It was hard at first not being awkward but over time, it started to disappear.
Then, earlier this year he said that he still loved me like a sister. Inwas fine with that. I told him I still loved him like a brother. Our friendship got stronger again and he started finding other girls to like. However, he kept saying that no one came close to me.
So this continues on until recently when he took a trip to Fillmont. He came back and said that during his time there, he realized that he was still in love with me, but he would give me the choice on whether unwanted to get back together or not. I chose not because I didn't want to go through that ordeal again. He was fine with that but he's still open with his feelings for me.
So, in conclusion, I want to remain friends with him but I don't have romantic feelings for him the way he does for me anymore. I also doubt that he actually loves me due to his age (17). I still feel like he and I are too young to understand what real love is and I think it might ruin our friendship if we tried dating each other again. But he doesn't seem to get it. I honestly think it's just hormones talking.
So can anyone help me? How do I remain friends with him, but at the same time get him to find someone else and realize that we're not right for each other without hurting him?
You can't.
So quit trying.
He is not ready to just be your friend - not emotionally capable of it.
The kindest thing you can do for him is to cut him loose.
You don't have to be mean about it or cut him out of your life (that would make him feel worse), just be less and less available to him. Don't answer his calls or texts. Don't hang out or go places with him. Just be too busy to have him in your life.
I told him I wasn't interesting in dating him again and he went and told my brother! Then I had to hear it from him!! So I had to go tell him that I'm not interested in dating anyone right now. Which is technically true since I have 17 units again this semester and won't have time to date anyone. But also false since I kind of did meet someone.
Your lies are cruel, immoral and selfish. Tell him the truth. You are only trying to save your own butt by avoiding conflict. Do you see that?
How do I remain friends with him, but at the same time get him to find someone else and realize that we're not right for each other without hurting him?
This drives guys CRAZY. By staying available to him (even if it's currently not in a romantic sense) you are giving him false hope that one day you can change your mind. I'm a very VERY firm supporter of not remaining friends after any sort of relationship. It works too rarely for the better. It always creates drama and someone (or both) always gets hurt. I saved myself a lot of heartache when I stopped trying to be friends with women I was interested in romantically, or had been interested in in the past.
The best way to get him to move on is to phase yourself out of his life. Sorry, but you can't break up with someone and still take advantage of the closeness you once had to foster a friendship. It just doesn't work that way. Even when it finally seems to be working, everything goes wrong at the drop of a hat. My suggestion is to go your separate ways and don't look back.
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