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MoonPrincess I'm glad you know how to be nice/polite but also direct and FIRM. That is a quality lost on many many people (man/woman/adult/child/anyone). To me it's a sign of high maturity and excellent communicative skills.
You're right. I need to do that. It's just hard because he hangs out in my brother's circle of friends and blabs almost anything going on!
I swear that guy could be a reporter for a career!
Not even. The art of good reporting is knowing which audience is appropriate for the information you are going to convey. It also sometimes requires protecting your sources. He has done neither.
I'd say you made a good decision about this guy in dumping him. I don't expect a 17-year-old to grasp the concept of keeping what goes on in a relationship IN the relationship, but when you lay down the law for the last time with him, you might want to teach him that valuable lesson: "One reason it will never work out with you is because you violate my trust and disrespect our relationship by sharing what I say to you with my brother when it is no one's business but ours."
You'll see as you get older and date more people that relaying every conversation and action to a third party is high-school stuff. Idle chit-chat about places you've gone or fun you had on a date is one thing, but running home to family and friends every time you hit a pebble on the path of your relationship is just not a mature thing to do. Adults work out their problems with each other.
maybe you can remain friends later in life, however, now is not the time, now is the time to be honest, firm and to not reciprocate to anything that he initiates, learn how to say no. Also, you need to have a talk with your mother, it is not fair of her to interfer...she must allow you to grow up, what she doesn't like in someone your dating, well, your going to have to see for yourself, without her telling you. She needs to trust your judgement to get thru these things on your own.
Most men cannot remain friends with an old girlfriend...some can, but it takes someone mature and understanding, who loves you enough to realize it isn't going to work and lets you go to move on....
I really don't think this 17 year old boy is "hopelessly in love" with you but is suffering from a puppy infatuation which you could have (and should have) dealt with from the outset and without all this accompanying drama.
I tend to agree. But it's never too early to learn how to respect boundaries. Honestly? I'm surprised CMP's brother hasn't told the kid to shut up already. If one of my friends dated one of my sisters and later came to me grousing about her like that, I'd remind him that blood is thicker than water. "That's my sister you are talking about."
maybe you can remain friends later in life, however, now is not the time, now is the time to be honest, firm and to not reciprocate to anything that he initiates, learn how to say no. Also, you need to have a talk with your mother, it is not fair of her to interfer...she must allow you to grow up, what she doesn't like in someone your dating, well, your going to have to see for yourself, without her telling you. She needs to trust your judgement to get thru these things on your own.
Most men cannot remain friends with an old girlfriend...some can, but it takes someone mature and understanding, who loves you enough to realize it isn't going to work and lets you go to move on....
Yep. But I also see that he was manipulative, a user, and just all around immature.
You're also right about me being able to judge on my own. I think they are starting to though. But once I graduate from college, have my own job and have my own place, I'll be making the decisions on my own and the only one I'll be accountable to is God.
So here's the deal. It started back in my senior year of HS. I met my ex boyfriend at school and we started off as friends. As time progressed, he admitted he had feelings for me. At the time, I reciprocated and we ended up dating.
We enjoyed the first couple months we dated but around the later part of the third month, we started having stupid arguments. I felt like he was trying to manipulate me to turn against my family at times and my mom nitpicking over the smallest things didn't help either (eg. Dirty fingernails) And she was completely passive aggressive about it too. For example, my brother (who also hangs out with him) tells my mom some things he does and she would tell me "Just so you know, he did (insert petty thing to nitpick here). I'm not suggesting anything. I'm just saying."
I cannot tell you how annoying that was!!
Another factor was the fact that I was starting college and my family also wanted me to meet new people and not make dating him exclusive. The reason being is because he was still in HS. They felt like he was too immature for me because of our 3 year age difference. That's understandable, but I wasn't ready to let go because he was my first boyfriend.
But as time went by, I found as though I was in a tug-o-war between him and my family. The silly arguments with my boyfriend and the stress of getting into the swing of college didn't help either. So, I decided that I couldn't take the tug-o-war anymore so I broke up with him.
It wasn't easy to do but it had to be done. I hated feeling like I was distant from my family and I needed to focus on my schooling. We remained friends though because Thats what we said we'd do if we broke up. It was hard at first not being awkward but over time, it started to disappear.
Then, earlier this year he said that he still loved me like a sister. Inwas fine with that. I told him I still loved him like a brother. Our friendship got stronger again and he started finding other girls to like. However, he kept saying that no one came close to me.
So this continues on until recently when he took a trip to Fillmont. He came back and said that during his time there, he realized that he was still in love with me, but he would give me the choice on whether unwanted to get back together or not. I chose not because I didn't want to go through that ordeal again. He was fine with that but he's still open with his feelings for me.
So, in conclusion, I want to remain friends with him but I don't have romantic feelings for him the way he does for me anymore. I also doubt that he actually loves me due to his age (17). I still feel like he and I are too young to understand what real love is and I think it might ruin our friendship if we tried dating each other again. But he doesn't seem to get it. I honestly think it's just hormones talking.
So can anyone help me? How do I remain friends with him, but at the same time get him to find someone else and realize that we're not right for each other without hurting him?
It seems like you did tell him that you are not interested.
There is no way to reject someone without them getting hurt. There is only a polite way and a rude way. And it seems that you know how to do it politely.
So what do you want? For him to stop being in contact with you? Then you will have to start ignoring him and his messages.
Or did you want him to stop being infatuated with you? He can't do that.
So if you still want to be friends, just be friends. And let him have feelings for you. What does it matter? People love people. It's not a bad thing... As long as you clearly stated that you only want to be friends (and repeat it from time to time), there is nothing wrong with keeping this friendship going.
I told him I wasn't interesting in dating him again and he went and told my brother! Then I had to hear it from him!! So I had to go tell him that I'm not interested in dating anyone right now. Which is technically true since I have 17 units again this semester and won't have time to date anyone. But also false since I kind of did meet someone.
You don't HAVE to tell him anything. You don't HAVE to hear anything from your brother. They are not the boss of you unless you LET them be the boss of you. Tell your EX boyfriend that you simply are not interested in dating him. Since he cannot accept that fact, you won't be seeing or communicating with him anymore. Then don't. Block calls if you have to...
Your lies are cruel, immoral and selfish. Tell him the truth. You are only trying to save your own butt by avoiding conflict. Do you see that?
How would ending a relationship with conflict be beneficial?
Hes not letting go. That in itself is good reason for her to be guarded. She ended the relationship and owes him no other info.
Do you see that?
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