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Old 08-28-2007, 09:43 PM
 
Location: Hermitage, Tennessee
119 posts, read 766,127 times
Reputation: 125

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Okay. So we moved to Utah for the military, me and my fiance. We've been together for five years. He's been acting strange lately, for the past few weeks. Eventually I find out he's been seeing some young girl behind my back. So I don't want anything to do with him anymore and the house is going up for sale this Saturday. I deserve so much better.

Now he's begging me back, saying he made a mistake and the show Big Love brainwashed him. Can you believe it?

Anyway I'm kind of freaking out about about being single again and getting my own place with my 16-and-a-half year old daughter. Being a single non-mormon in Utah is my worst nightmare. What will I do?
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Old 08-28-2007, 10:01 PM
 
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,111,899 times
Reputation: 967
Quote:
Originally Posted by snowflake73 View Post
Okay. So we moved to Utah for the military, me and my fiance. We've been together for five years. He's been acting strange lately, for the past few weeks. Eventually I find out he's been seeing some young girl behind my back. So I don't want anything to do with him anymore and the house is going up for sale this Saturday. I deserve so much better.

Now he's begging me back, saying he made a mistake and the show Big Love brainwashed him. Can you believe it?

Anyway I'm kind of freaking out about about being single again and getting my own place with my 16-and-a-half year old daughter. Being a single non-mormon in Utah is my worst nightmare. What will I do?
One...you are doing the right thing. Yes, you do deserve soooo much better. Two, I left my unfaithful husband with our last $100, our daughter was ten at the time. Seven years later, and actually a few months later...I'm here to tell you anything is possible. You just do it. No worrying, no second guessing your decisions. Just do it. Take time to mentally regroup each evening before bed. Make lists and then don't fret over them. Every time your daughter speaks, drop what you are doing and look at her. Turn tiny antidotes in to belly laughs.

And if you don't read anything I've written, PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING: I was where you are and after seven wonderful years on my own...I was gifted this evening at dinner.

My daughter: "My friend Thomas wants to interview you for our "What is the American Dream?" project.

Me: "Me? I'm flattered."

My daughter: "You are just that cool."

On that last $100, I rented a beautiful house in a affluent community with one of the top school districts in the state. My guardian angel landlord let me move in immediately on a promise to pay him the security deposit and the first months rent from my next pay check.

Years prior, I had imagined my little cottage with a white picket fence and I got it the very first day I looked.

Every night imagine life as you want it. After that explore your gratitude for every little thing that happened to you that day. And sleep. Rely on your friends and family for emotional support and don't be afraid to ask for a loan if you need it.

Most importantly...put your daughter first, never ever let on or discuss your fears with her. Just do it and be her hero.

Last edited by MainStreet; 08-28-2007 at 10:12 PM..
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Old 08-28-2007, 10:02 PM
 
Location: Land of Thought and Flow
8,323 posts, read 13,153,732 times
Reputation: 4865
A TV show cannot "brainwash" a man into having an affair. He willingly goes to see her.

I'd say, find friends or family to move in with temporarily (if you buy another house while married he can fight for his share....) and accept that he's allowed the wrong head to think for himself.

That's just my opinion. Once a cheater, always a cheater. However, don't use this to show your daughter how "all boys/men are" because that IS her father. You don't need to cause that type of drama between father and daughter, no matter how sleazy he was.
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Old 08-28-2007, 10:07 PM
 
73 posts, read 212,237 times
Reputation: 78
For crying out loud, what is it with these guys and that silly polygmay show?

Get out now while you can and if you find yourself wavering in the least, read the posts that shuke made on the subject--print them out if it helps and reread them to keep yourself strong in this. You don't want to end up like his wife I'm sure.
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Old 08-28-2007, 10:52 PM
 
Location: CA
2,464 posts, read 5,689,658 times
Reputation: 2587
Quote:
Originally Posted by snowflake73 View Post
Okay. So we moved to Utah for the military, me and my fiance. We've been together for five years. He's been acting strange lately, for the past few weeks. Eventually I find out he's been seeing some young girl behind my back. So I don't want anything to do with him anymore and the house is going up for sale this Saturday. I deserve so much better.

Now he's begging me back, saying he made a mistake and the show Big Love brainwashed him. Can you believe it?

Anyway I'm kind of freaking out about about being single again and getting my own place with my 16-and-a-half year old daughter. Being a single non-mormon in Utah is my worst nightmare. What will I do?
There are worse things in life than being single again and getting your own place w/ your 16 year old daughter - like... being w/ someone who lies and cheats. You will never find the right guy if you are with the wrong guy. Kick the cheater to the curb and don't look back!
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Old 08-28-2007, 10:59 PM
 
25,420 posts, read 24,183,342 times
Reputation: 23848
Quote:
Originally Posted by MainStreet View Post

Years prior, I had imagined my little cottage with a white picket fence and I got it the very first day I looked.

Every night imagine life as you want it. After that explore your gratitude for every little thing that happened to you that day. And sleep. Rely on your friends and family for emotional support and don't be afraid to ask for a loan if you need it.

Most importantly...put your daughter first, never ever let on or discuss your fears with her. Just do it and be her hero.
Oh my gosh. I do this too. I mean--visualize my little place. A Victorian house parsed into apartments of friendly but not nosy neighbors, me upstairs, looking out the window onto the street to see children playing, and tons and tons and tons of trees; a walk directly into town. My own sweet little place. I do this ALL the time. Thank you for posting this. At least I'm not the only crazy lady who visualizes things. For me, though, there's a bit of a wait. My youngest won't be 18 until 17 years from now...and by then I'll be 57. It is hard to think that far into the future so I never visualize things that way.
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Old 08-29-2007, 01:48 AM
 
95 posts, read 444,711 times
Reputation: 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by snowflake73 View Post
Okay. So we moved to Utah for the military, me and my fiance. We've been together for five years. He's been acting strange lately, for the past few weeks. Eventually I find out he's been seeing some young girl behind my back. So I don't want anything to do with him anymore and the house is going up for sale this Saturday. I deserve so much better.

Now he's begging me back, saying he made a mistake and the show Big Love brainwashed him. Can you believe it?

Anyway I'm kind of freaking out about about being single again and getting my own place with my 16-and-a-half year old daughter. Being a single non-mormon in Utah is my worst nightmare. What will I do?
The details are missing...
Seeing a female friend doesn't equal cheating on any male.

Sounds as if your interest level was already low and you weren't interested in sharing any details.

I have not seen the Big Love show, but that is an excuse with a lack of details.
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Old 08-29-2007, 06:20 AM
 
Location: Branson, Missouri
7,268 posts, read 16,857,789 times
Reputation: 3683
Assuming you're not Shukes wife........

You need to regroup and leave this guy. He's cheated on you once and he'll continue to do so.
No matter how much he begs, don't cave in and go back. I agree with Rosa; go back and read some of Shukes threads and posts. Sounds like he's joking and we all rowled him up but things like this happen I guess.
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Old 08-29-2007, 07:33 AM
 
Location: New England
786 posts, read 803,008 times
Reputation: 553
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosa canina View Post
You don't want to end up like his wife I'm sure.
My wife's problems have a lot more to do with her mental illness than with me. In fact, I go to great lengths to make things as easy as possible for her and to minimize the amount of stress she is under. Anyone else would consider it a life of leisure.

As far as this OP's situation is concerned, it seems you have a few options:

1. Stay with current bf and hope this was just an infatuation. Unlike your bf, I was not claiming to be "brainwashed" by the show. Rather, I was pondering the practical realities of having a second wife, since my current wife doesn't do life very well the present time. Consensus on the board here was to dump my current wife and let her have the kids so I could get on with my own life. And continue to pay for all the help she needs raising the kids because she can't do it herself.

2. Try the three-some route. Biggest question you should be asking in this situation is, what does the second wife bring to the table? If she's just a sex toy for the bf, that ain't enough.

3. Or you could do as I was advised here, and what it seems other posters here are most inclined to advise when trouble comes to a relationship... dump the bf or significant other, and do what's best for yourself.

One thing I picked up in your original post... it almost sounds like you feel like you need a man in your life. Like... your a single non-mormon in a mormon state... what's a girl to do? Learn how to live independently without a man would be my advice. Once you can do that, you may have better relationships with a man in your life.

Good luck with all of this.
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Old 08-29-2007, 08:50 AM
 
25,470 posts, read 23,300,409 times
Reputation: 15333
Quote:
Originally Posted by snowflake73 View Post
Okay. So we moved to Utah for the military, me and my fiance. We've been together for five years. He's been acting strange lately, for the past few weeks. Eventually I find out he's been seeing some young girl behind my back. So I don't want anything to do with him anymore and the house is going up for sale this Saturday. I deserve so much better.

Now he's begging me back, saying he made a mistake and the show Big Love brainwashed him. Can you believe it?

Anyway I'm kind of freaking out about about being single again and getting my own place with my 16-and-a-half year old daughter. Being a single non-mormon in Utah is my worst nightmare. What will I do?

If it isn't in a person to do something, no TV Show or anything on this earth will move that person to do so. Therefore...he's full of it, and your right, you do deserve more. He wants you back, but he will not be true to you, he'll do it again. He just likes the idea of you coming back and strocking his ego.
Sorry but it's true. You don't need or want someone in your life who screws you like that..it's not healthy nor is it safe for you. You'll be sleeping with everyone else he's been with. And consider this, if he did it once, chances are, he did it before this one.
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