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Because I never got married I really do think about several women from many years ago and often wonder if I would have been a little more mature and more self confident at the time if I could have established a meaningful relationship with one of them. I think I mentioned on another thread that I was contacted by a woman who I really cared about over 40 years ago in my hometown. She found me on Facebook and we've been emailing each other for about a year now but she's happily married so we'll never have a relationship but it really made me feel good to hear from her. I had wondered for years whatever happened to her and it also took quite a few years to get over our breakup. Of course I realize you can't relive your life and correct your mistakes, we just have to live with the consequences of our actions.
For me, the one that got away was Don, my college sweetheart. He was tall, dark and handsome, and the first boy to ever say "I love you." When when said he wanted to marry me, I was over the moon. I dropped out of college, left my family and moved clear across the country to be near him while he finished school in his home state. Shortly after we became lovers, he presented me with an engagement ring.
The plan was that he would graduate, get a job, that we would get married and then I would finish school. We seldom saw each other, though, because he worked and went to school full time, and gradually we started drifting apart.
This was the Viet Nam era, and Don's college deferment was running out. He decided to enlist rather than risk getting drafted. We ended our engagement just before he left. It was the night that man first landed on the Moon, and all I remember about that night was both of us sitting in his bedroom crying after I gave him back his ring. We continued to date when he was on leave, but things were never the same. I always hoped that after he came back from the Army, we could pick up where we left off.
Instead he met and married the sister of an Army buddy. When I found out I was devastated, and shortly afterward I returned to my home state to start my life again. I dated a lot and had a couple of serious relationships, but none recaptured the magic of that first love. I never stopped thinking about Don and wondering what had happened to him.
Then one night he phoned. He told me that he was still married and his wife had just given birth to their second son. He had become a successful businessman working for a computer company. We chatted for a while, and then he said that he'd never stopped thinking about me and that he still loved me. He promised he'd keep in touch, but he never did.
Fast forward nearly twenty years. I was married had found a good-paying job despite my lack of a college degree. One night my husband called me at work to say I'd gotten a phone message. "Some guy named Don, and he left a phone number."
I called the number and there he was. He was in town for a business meeting, staying at a hotel. Once again he said he still loved me and hadn't stopped thinking of me. I asked him how his family was, and he gave me some bad news. His youngest son, the one who had just been born the last time we spoke, had been killed in an auto accident at age 19. I expressed my sympathy at such a heartbreaking loss. Don was disappointed to learn that I'd never had children, but I told him that this was all right with me. He had an early flight to catch so he ended the call, but once again he promised to keep in touch.
After that phone call I was in a daze. I couldn't stop fantasizing about Don and what would have happened if only we had stayed together. It took me a long time to get over the shock of hearing from him, and I would sometimes cry when I heard songs on the radio that made me think of him. I had to keep reminding myself that despite all Don's sweet talk, my husband was the one who really loved me because he was the one who married me and stood by me no matter what, while Don was all talk and no action.
Another 14 years passed. I often wondered where Don was and what he was doing. Then one night just before midnight, the phone rang. I thought it must be a wrong number, but I decided against letting the answering machine take it. When I picked up, a voice said, "Hi, this is Don." He sounded older and sadder than I remembered. I asked how things were going, and he said that he had been forced to retire early and that he was getting by with consulting jobs. His surviving son had lost an arm after developing a muscle infection following surgery for tendinitis.
Then Don asked me if I was still married, and I said yes. Then he said "My wife and I aren't getting along too well." I expressed my sympathy, and he said, "Why don't you leave your husband and we'll run away together?" I smiled to myself because years ago I would have loved to hear those words, but by now I had come to accept that he was never the one. If he had really loved me, he would have been there for me years ago when I needed him instead of marrying someone else.
I hung up the phone knowing that finally, more than 40 years after we broke up, I am finally at peace. My husband and I will celebrate our 25th anniversary this year.
Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal...is that you? What a nicely written account. based on your account, sounds like its a good thing it never happened....your current husband sounds like a great guy, and he would have beent he one tha REALLy got away.
Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal...is that you? What a nicely written account. based on your account, sounds like its a good thing it never happened....your current husband sounds like a great guy, and he would have been the one that REALLY got away.
Thank you, and I can't help but think that I dodged a bullet by not marrying a man who would keep calling his old girlfriend to tell her that he still loved her and talk about running away with her! If he'd married me, he probably would have been calling his Army buddy's sister instead.
My husband is someone I never would have given a second glance to when I was younger. He's shy, nerdy looking, nearsighted and bald. But he's a treasure, affectionate and loyal. And he knows how to make me laugh, even when I'm mad at him.
Last edited by Bayarea4; 08-10-2011 at 02:57 PM..
Reason: to add an additional thought.
It thought about my first "true love" every single day for about 25 years after we broke up. I thought about him, pined for him, thought about trying to get in touch with him (even though he has been married for many, many years).
Then one day, I happened to find his sister on Facebook. She was a friend of mine (and co-worker) which is how I met him. I was looking around on her page and there were pictures of him there.
He was in church, with his eyes closed and his hands reaching up in prayer.
At that instant, my opinion of him changed and I realized that it was probably a good thing that we did not end up together after all. It's amazing that after thinking about on a daily basis for almost 30 years, I never thought about him again. That was all it took for me to lose interest.
Well, I married "the one" then went through a nasty divorce with her.
I think the grass is always greener on the other side. Of course one would always think of "the one that got away" because we never had to live with them, so we only remember the sweet things that were.
Perhaps "the one that got away" was better for you that (s)he did. If we keep looking in the rear view mirror we could easily loose the the way to where we are going.
For me, the one that got away was Don, my college sweetheart. He was tall, dark and handsome, and the first boy to ever say "I love you." When when said he wanted to marry me, I was over the moon. I dropped out of college, left my family and moved clear across the country to be near him while he finished school in his home state. Shortly after we became lovers, he presented me with an engagement ring.
The plan was that he would graduate, get a job, that we would get married and then I would finish school. We seldom saw each other, though, because he worked and went to school full time, and gradually we started drifting apart.
This was the Viet Nam era, and Don's college deferment was running out. He decided to enlist rather than risk getting drafted. We ended our engagement just before he left. It was the night that man first landed on the Moon, and all I remember about that night was both of us sitting in his bedroom crying after I gave him back his ring. We continued to date when he was on leave, but things were never the same. I always hoped that after he came back from the Army, we could pick up where we left off.
Instead he met and married the sister of an Army buddy. When I found out I was devastated, and shortly afterward I returned to my home state to start my life again. I dated a lot and had a couple of serious relationships, but none recaptured the magic of that first love. I never stopped thinking about Don and wondering what had happened to him.
Then one night he phoned. He told me that he was still married and his wife had just given birth to their second son. He had become a successful businessman working for a computer company. We chatted for a while, and then he said that he'd never stopped thinking about me and that he still loved me. He promised he'd keep in touch, but he never did.
Fast forward nearly twenty years. I was married had found a good-paying job despite my lack of a college degree. One night my husband called me at work to say I'd gotten a phone message. "Some guy named Don, and he left a phone number."
I called the number and there he was. He was in town for a business meeting, staying at a hotel. Once again he said he still loved me and hadn't stopped thinking of me. I asked him how his family was, and he gave me some bad news. His youngest son, the one who had just been born the last time we spoke, had been killed in an auto accident at age 19. I expressed my sympathy at such a heartbreaking loss. Don was disappointed to learn that I'd never had children, but I told him that this was all right with me. He had an early flight to catch so he ended the call, but once again he promised to keep in touch.
After that phone call I was in a daze. I couldn't stop fantasizing about Don and what would have happened if only we had stayed together. It took me a long time to get over the shock of hearing from him, and I would sometimes cry when I heard songs on the radio that made me think of him. I had to keep reminding myself that despite all Don's sweet talk, my husband was the one who really loved me because he was the one who married me and stood by me no matter what, while Don was all talk and no action.
Another 14 years passed. I often wondered where Don was and what he was doing. Then one night just before midnight, the phone rang. I thought it must be a wrong number, but I decided against letting the answering machine take it. When I picked up, a voice said, "Hi, this is Don." He sounded older and sadder than I remembered. I asked how things were going, and he said that he had been forced to retire early and that he was getting by with consulting jobs. His surviving son had lost an arm after developing a muscle infection following surgery for tendinitis.
Then Don asked me if I was still married, and I said yes. Then he said "My wife and I aren't getting along too well." I expressed my sympathy, and he said, "Why don't you leave your husband and we'll run away together?" I smiled to myself because years ago I would have loved to hear those words, but by now I had come to accept that he was never the one. If he had really loved me, he would have been there for me years ago when I needed him instead of marrying someone else.
I hung up the phone knowing that finally, more than 40 years after we broke up, I am finally at peace. My husband and I will celebrate our 25th anniversary this year.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bayarea4
Thank you, and I can't help but think that I dodged a bullet by not marrying a man who would keep calling his old girlfriend to tell her that he still loved her and talk about running away with her! If he'd married me, he probably would have been calling his Army buddy's sister instead.
My husband is someone I never would have given a second glance to when I was younger. He's shy, nerdy looking, nearsighted and bald. But he's a treasure, affectionate and loyal. And he knows how to make me laugh, even when I'm mad at him.
There's usually a valid reason why a relationship doesn't work. In your case...the "perceptive" assessment hits the mark. More than likely, he would have been calling "the one that got away."
To the OP: It's normal to wonder at times..."The grass is always greener over the septic tank"
Sooo glad the one that got away, never came back...although at the time, for a couple of years I would have taken her back. I really loved her, just not all the guys she had sex with while I was out fighting wars. Been over 20 years now..still fear I might run into her at the mall...but lucky for me...never do.
Me??!! Wondering about my long time lost sweethearts??!! Naahhh!!! Never!!!
What is there to wonder?!
What's gonne's gonne!!! Dead, buried and forgotten!!!!
Yeah!
Just... if... by any chance... by any coincidence you happen to be 98, and in the summer of 1943 were in NYC, were (then) blonde, blue eyes, intelligent, with a model-body and named Faye, and had a 3 months affair (well... more of a fairy tale...) with a guy, 38, short, bold, fat and ugly, not the smartest in the world... PLEASE PLEASE contact me?
Yeah, that's right, I am 106 now, but... I feel great, look good (well... relatively speaking?) and besides... who counts!
So... contact me?
Ummm... what was that about?
Love, John
I've been married over 35 years and I need to assure everyone I made the best pick.
But sometimes I do wonder about "the one that got away" and what became of them. In my case there were three, from 1972 to 1977, that got away and deciding do a passive search I did find a little about two of them. By passive I am not interested in seeing them again and in the event one was single I didn't want to give any impression I might be interested.
So it was a simple internet search without signing into a face book or anything like that.
Both are sixty plus now.
One moved from California to Idaho and then to a small town in Oregon. Married once, never divorced she had three children and is now a grandmother. By all appearances she's enjoyed a good life and I am happy for her.
The second one was a very smart lady. When I met her she was an RN at a local flyover country hospital and in a way I was surprised to find she obtained an MD and is a very highly regarded, and successful, oncologist. But, and maybe this isn't for everyone, it appears she never married or had any children.
But I knew then she was destined for great accomplishments she had intelligence, a strong drive and the ability to work long and study hard.
She was a knockout when I knew her and on her facebook page a photo shows her to still be a knockout at 63. She was a health nut so it served her well by all appearances.
I won't but if I ever did contact these women I would apologize for being an idiot in my early to mid 20's but, in my defense, I was to immature to settle down and simply not ready.
For males especially who you are at 23 is not who you are at 33.
But I married a woman who was the best wife and mother any man could ask for. I wouldn't want to go back and change anything.
yes, i wonder all of the time, and that's all i'll say on the subject.
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Who?! Meee????
