No-nos - Does it make sense to rule out anyone? (women, children)

[Neuling]

Originally Posted by LA-LA-LA

I'm not a vegetarian or vegan, but I'm aware many of them have chosen the lifestyle based on ethical reasons (i.e., meat is murder). In such a case, the fact that a prospective date isn't vegetarian or vegan results in a value judgment about that person and a desire to change that person into a vegetarian/vegan.

I wouldn't necessarily rule out a vegetarian or vegan, assuming he isn't going to try to convert me, but it does introduce a certain amount of hassle...trying to find restaurants you'll BOTH like, having to keep two sets of every food type if you get to a point where you're spending a lot of time in one another's homes (e.g., tofu hot dogs and chicken hot dogs, cow's milk and soy milk, ice cream and tofutti, etc.).

Not to mention the question of whether or not to raise potential kids as vegetarians, that can cause a lot of friction.

[lilamx]

You are who you are and you have every right to rule out who you want because of a particular reason, and nobody can tell you otherwise. But, you also risk being alone for a very long time, or miss out on meeting someone who otherwise could've been the love of your life. There's being extremely picky and having unreasonable expectations, and then there's having standards and likes/dislikes in a person which are perfectly acceptable. You just have to be reasonsable and realistic when looking at your own standards and deal-breakers.

[WakaFlocka]

Absolutely. There are definitely traits that warrant ruling someone out. I wouldn't rule out someone's choice in food, political views, or any other personal beliefs. Smoking, drugs, criminal record, prior promiscuity, and other poor choices are all justified IMO.

[TaoistDude]

Perhaps you don't need to compromise, OP. Yes, it may be very difficult to find someone who is a vegetarian for the same reasons you are one, but you can find them. Of course, whether they are compatible in other ways reduces the chances, but there are bound to be some good matches. The thing is, HOW do you find them?

First of all, there may be groups of people who gather because of a belief or trait, if it's from a religious or philosophical perspective. There may be dating sites dedicated to people following a certain lifestyle, or ones that make screening for this easier. Putting yourself on such sites and clearly stating your preferences for someone with a similar outlook can help, too, so they can find you.

My ideal match is someone who is - at best - 1 in 100,000 women. I found 3 really great prospects (actually, they found me), one of whom stood out even from that select group. One of them was a vegetarian, but that wasn't part of my criteria, and she didn't mind that I was not. Decide what's truly important, and compromise as needed on other criteria.

[d-boy-80]

Originally Posted by johna01374

For me there are two definite turn offs. One I'll discuss the other i'll keep to myself.

Can't date Smokers. I'm not a smoker and I find the habit disgusting. The idea that someone would do that to themselves is almost beyond belief. Unfortunately for me this has affected some friendships as I can't stand the smell and have actually stopped inviting smokers to my home for casual get togethers so the idea of dating someone that smokes is out of the question.

Don't really have any other restrictions. Wouldn't get involved with someone that does drugs or illegal activity but that i assume is a given and doesn't need to be stated.

Is the one you are keeping to yourself is fat people?

[NDak15]

I think there is no problem with having standards. For example, I won't date a woman who smokes, has too much drama, or can't hold down a job.

[RockJock1729]

Originally Posted by Neuling

I was wondering if it makes sense to rule out being together with someone because of a certain trait, view, or property of his/hers.
Yesterday I was talking about these things with a friend of mine in a funny way, but still...it was interesting.

Being a vegetarian, I have basically ruled out all non-vegetarian woman for a long time. My friend said that in a country like this where there are hardly any vegetarians at all, I will likely die alone if I stick to my principles.

What are your principles regarding no-nos and would you be willing to give them up should you realized they are getting in the way of your happiness?

Why did you rule them out? I ask because your reasoning is rather central to the problem you're setting before yourself.

Originally Posted by Neuling

I guess it depends on why a person is vegetarian. If only for health reasons, I agree that it shouldn't be an issue if the other person is not vegetarian. But if one is vegetarian for religious/philosophical reasons, it can be a huge problem seeing someone chewing on what is sacred to you.
Can a Muslim be happy being married to an atheist?

Yes, they can. It depends on whether one can let the other person make their own ethical/religious/moral choices. Your choices are your karma, their choices are theirs. Do you have friends of other religions? Can you be friends with someone else without judging them?

Better question: Why must the other person choose the same as you? What is it in you that you can't accept the other person's autonomy in making ethical/religious choices?

Originally Posted by LA-LA-LA

I'm not a vegetarian or vegan, but I'm aware many of them have chosen the lifestyle based on ethical reasons (i.e., meat is murder). In such a case, the fact that a prospective date isn't vegetarian or vegan results in a value judgment about that person and a desire to change that person into a vegetarian/vegan.

That's not necessarily true. Judging or trying to change the other person's behavior is something you choose to do (or not to do).

Originally Posted by LA-LA-LA

I wouldn't necessarily rule out a vegetarian or vegan, assuming he isn't going to try to convert me, but it does introduce a certain amount of hassle...trying to find restaurants you'll BOTH like, having to keep two sets of every food type if you get to a point where you're spending a lot of time in one another's homes (e.g., tofu hot dogs and chicken hot dogs, cow's milk and soy milk, ice cream and tofutti, etc.).

True, but over time tastes may change, and this problem may get smaller.

[Neuling]

I agree with those who mentioned smoking. I know someone who smokes, the whole person smells in a way that almost makes me vomit. The person as such is a likable fellow by the way.

[Neuling]

Originally Posted by RockJock1729

Why did you rule them out? I ask because your reasoning is rather central to the problem you're setting before yourself.


Yes, they can. It depends on whether one can let the other person make their own ethical/religious/moral choices. Your choices are your karma, their choices are theirs. Do you have friends of other religions? Can you be friends with someone else without judging them?

Better question: Why must the other person choose the same as you? What is it in you that you can't accept the other person's autonomy in making ethical/religious choices?

I used to have a girlfriend a long time ago who was not vegetarian. Although I don't think that was the only reason we broke up, I do think it was part of the problem. Since I was a Buddhist back then, I guess her nutrition reduced what I thought of her. She was a really nice person (we are still in contact 10 years later) apart from that and for some time I tried to pretend her nutrition didn't matter to me. I guess I am just too little tolerant and ignorant when it comes to that.

I doubt a Muslim and an atheist can be happy together.

The other person doesn't have to be the same, but I think compatibility is important. I don't believe in 'opposites attract', at least not in the long run. Since not eating animals is a moral thing for me, I guess I consider non-vegetarians a bit immoral, at least compared to me.

[d-boy-80]

^Not every smoker smells.