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I'm not sure if men have unrealistic standards, but I do know we men generally rate ourselves higher in almost every category of life (e.g. intelligence, driving ability, investing) than women do, which evolutionarily speaking makes sense.
I've seen several threads on here that talk about women with their heads in the clouds. Why not for men? I can't seem to find those threads.
I'm above average looking, maybe 10 pounds overweight, tops, well endowed (gee thanks Mom), athletic, and have very long hair. But I'm not a 10, or even a 9, and I'm smart enough to realize this and smart enough not to go looking for those kinds of men. I also dress nice and trendy; I get compliments regularly for how I look--I'm more of a fashionista.
But the men I seem to find think differently. I seem to be finding a lot of men who think they are entitled to women who are a 9 or a 10, even when they are a 5. Allow me to give examples form the last three men I've liked or dated.
The first guy, who I dated twice, is 26. He is overweight, was once obese. He's not too horrible on the eyes, he knows how to dress. If I were to rate him, I'd rate him a 6. He is a Mormon, and after we quit dating, I overheard that he is upset that he cannot bag a temple recommend holding Mormon woman, one of whom is attractive. In his universe "attractive" means looks like Gwyneth Paltrow or Megan Fox, but with a temple recommend, and willing to overlook the fact that he lives with his parents and their cats, owns a crap car, has no aspirations and goals beyond being a "starving artist" (he works part-time, for minimal wages at a department store and is NOT in college) and has never gone on an LDS mission. I have contemplated blocking him on facebook because he complains at length about how he cannot get a Mormon woman, and how even us non-LDS women won't date him. I ended it with him because he was flippant and I did not seem to be a priority to him at all, even though he claimed to like me, and because he had no ambition. I'm not expecting a guy to be rich or middle class even, but some sort of ambition would be nice! I would imagine that LDS women are turning him down because he isn't working that much and does not aspire to work much, and therefore would not be the kind of man a woman would want to start a family with. I suspect that fact alone is more to blame than what he claims is the problem, which is that he never went on an LDS mission (dare I say it, probably because, *gasp* two years out in a foreign country would have gotten in the way of the Graphic Design stuff).
The next guy, who I also dated, was a 37 year old living in my hometown. He complains that the women are few and far between. I'll give a little on that: Vegas has been ranked as having more men than women, and the women there are above average looking, according to several polls, and far pickier. However, I did learn who he was chasing, and as far as I am concerned, if you chase after 10s when you are a 6, you're getting what you deserve. He ended up with a woman who is a 9 on looks but who has issues, who won't even shack up with him, or marry him, and now, rather than whine about how he can't get a woman, he whines about how he cannot get a wife and kids.
The last guy made a fool of me and isn't that hot. I'd rank him a 5. His ex informed me that he starves himself and crash diets because he hates working out. He lies and tells women that he loves working out. He manages money poorly. He lives with his parents. I see him around regularly. He looks like Mexican Trailer Trash: cut up sweatpants, oversize shirts to hide the fact that he has man boobs and a beer belly, flip flops, a rosary, and a baseball cap to hide the fact that he is balding, and badly. The only woman he will date? A 10, and nothing less. Because he is perfect...or so he thinks, and deserves the best. I think his ex inflated his ego; she was a 10; but he dated her, I'm sure, because he met her in a city with more women than men, so the women settle more. As it was they dated for 8 months, she dumped him; he whines that she never gave him a chance; he put on weight and forgot to shave his head, and looks even worse now. The only thing he has going for him is that he has ambition...and a sense of humor, and a cute face. He now regularly whines about how badly his dates are going. He not only wants a 10, but expects her to not have any kids from a previous relationship and to have never touched drugs.
I have read plenty of threads on here about how women have unrealistic standards...it cuts both ways. I've also read that women don't consider looks...well, that is a lie. I'm not going to date a dog because he has a sense of humor and a million bucks. Sorry.
And yes, I have met female friends and colleagues with their heads in the clouds.
I've decided to quit dating for a while, to just focus on my walking and running, to get up to marathon level. And the men can look all they want as I get thinner, but I'm just going to pass. I'm tired of the unrealistic standards of it all.
Sorry to hear about your trials with men. I can tell you deserve a better experience than what you went through.
Ok so then all studies are BS then? No need to ever conduct studies or experiments? Just rely on "common sense" and "what we know to be true". LOL.
I've seen studies that claim men have more sexual partners and others that claim women have more. I've seen articles that claim men cheat more and others that claim women cheat more. You can't believe anything.
Here we go again. These threads pop up quite often. People treat the opposite gender objectively and expect to be treated subjectively. Blanket statements supported by anecdotal evidence . . . no bueno
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Originally Posted by suissegrl702
I've seen several threads on here that talk about women with their heads in the clouds. Why not for men?
Plenty of men are completely delusional just like women. My inkling is that women are more often the ones to hold their partner to a higher standard, but I won't claim that as fact. Both genders do it. Simply an observation based on experience. This certainly varies depending on your social circle. If you consistently see these faults, you are most certainly pursuing the wrong people.
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I'm above average looking, maybe 10 pounds overweight, tops, well endowed (gee thanks Mom), athletic, and have very long hair. But I'm not a 10, or even a 9, and I'm smart enough to realize this and smart enough not to go looking for those kinds of men.
Sounds like you are fairly realistic about your looks which is great. It also sounds like you are somewhat down to earth, so how do you keep finding these men with their heads in the clouds? Calibrate your picker!
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The first guy, who I dated twice, is 26. . .
If you write an entire paragraph about a person you were dating and the only nice thing you can say about him is "He's not too horrible on the eyes" then that says a lot about how you view your dates. Even if it didn't work out between you two, that doesn't mean you should write a novel about his negatives and put a negative slant on his only positive.
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The next guy, who I also dated, was a 37 year old living in my hometown.
Again with the negativity.
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The last guy made a fool of me and isn't that hot.
Nice lead off for this gem of a man.
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I have read plenty of threads on here about how women have unrealistic standards...it cuts both ways.
Agree with you here, but blaming an entire gender for the faults of a few isn't going to get you anywhere.
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I've also read that women don't consider looks...well, that is a lie. I'm not going to date a dog because he has a sense of humor and a million bucks. Sorry.
If looks are the only thing you're looking for get ready to be disappointed the rest of your life. How many men do you demean by calling them dogs? No one ever said looks shouldn't matter, but it's another thing to put down those who do not meet your physical standards.
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I've decided to quit dating for a while,
That's a very good idea. Your physique isn't a problem, but from your post it sounds like your attitude really is. It would be best to take a step back and reexamine your stance on dating. Bitter people don't get very far even with bad apples. They don't stand a chance with the good ones. Not trying to be mean here, just honest from where I'm sitting.
In conclusion, the following statements are very good indicators as to why you're still single:
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I'm more of a fashionista.
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I seem to be finding a lot of men who think they are entitled to women who are a 9 or a 10, even when they are a 5.
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If I were to rate him
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The last guy made a fool of me and isn't that hot. I'd rank him a 5.
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The only thing he has going for him is that he has ambition...and a sense of humor, and a cute face.
His point about studies is a solid one. Next time you read an outrageous and surprising study headline (there are probably a couple today on cnn.com or msn.com) actually read the article and search for the sample they used. Nine times out of ten the study sample will say something like "22 college aged women from a northwestern US university" or "17 unemployed lobster fisherman from Maine". Those aren't even really large or diverse enough samples to warrant a further study, much less to make the sweeping conclusions about an entire gender that the headline advertises.
I'm not sure if men have unrealistic standards, but I do know we men generally rate ourselves higher in almost every category of life (e.g. intelligence, driving ability, investing) than women do, which evolutionarily speaking makes sense.
Well quite frankly guys have to have high self esteem. It's an absolute must for us. Healthy self esteem benefits women to but for guys, having low self esteem is worst then receiving the death penalty.
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