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Bobman made some good points and I even repped him.
He did indeed make some good points which others had also made but with all due respect he lost me when he started yelling and metaphorically pounding the pulpit.
He did indeed make some good points which others had also made but with all due respect he lost me when he started yelling and metaphorically pounding the pulpit.
Some other poster drew first blood. And some people sound like they work for Therapy Inc
Counselling does nothing. She needs physical help. I'd go get her out if she were here. I have accompanied nuns in the past with others to help such women, though it was outside the United States. This country is weird
UnlikelyRoses....If you value your life and your babies you WILL leave him...and NOT when he's at home..and NOT after you talked to him about it....You have to do it quietly, quickly and discreetly...and just FORGET about material possessions.....You have a baby on the way....you should feel happy and safe......Believe me when I say: there are good men out there...caring men...kind men...and men who know how to treat their woman right...without violence....you just THINK you love this man...but he will wreck you and your babies life if you stay with him....I'm sorry you're in this situation...but only YOU can make it better!!
1. Do whatever it takes to get the heck out of there. Go to a women's shelter, etc. NOW!!! DO WHATEVER IT TAKES! This is one instance where lying, cheating, and stealing are ok IF you are doing it to protect yourself and your kids. (Of course, only if you really have to).
2. Give the kid up for adoption.
It is very typical for people who grew up in abusive homes to pick abusive partners. You know that, right? You're fitting that pattern 100%. Forget about being "in love". This isn't your fault, but you really don't know what real love is if you grew up in an abusive home. Most people who aren't come from abusive homes would have known this guy was trouble right away, but you didn't because your childhood experiences have warped your sense of who is a good man. It's going to take you years to get yourself straightened out emotionally, even under the best of circumstances...but kids can't wait that long for their parents to get their lives together. That's why an adoption is the best option for you and the baby.
I realize what I've stated above is probably way outside your comfort zone. That's the point. If you want to live a happier life, you're going to have to do things a whole lot differently than you have ever done them.
Last edited by mysticaltyger; 08-24-2011 at 08:12 PM..
Some other poster drew first blood. And some people sound like they work for Therapy Inc
Counselling does nothing. She needs physical help. I'd go get her out if she were here. I have accompanied nuns in the past with others to help such women, though it was outside the United States. This country is weird
She needs physical help AND counseling.
Kudos to you for the way you've helped other women like this in the past
Yes, she needs to have a plan of action to exit safely, and she needs some physical help to get that done.
But after that is accomplished she needs some help dealing with her abusive childhood issues so that she won't keep choosing men like the two baby daddy's she's already chosen.
Her life experiences thus far have screwed her up and skewed her ability to even recognize how to avoid choosing men like this. If ever somone here needed some therapy, she's it.
1. move back to your old place
2. you started the relationship way to fast
3. birth control people come on now
Birth control works before you get pregnant, not after the fact.
Seriously OP, go to a Women's Shelter and get some help before you bring that child into your violent, dysfunctional world.
Put on your big girl panties and do the right thing before you get yourself and/or your baby murdered by this violent psychopath that you call a boyfriend.
First of all I want to thank everyone for reading this.
I know there are similar stories on here, but I still have the need to write all of this down so I can see if maybe, just maybe someone can help me out.
I met a guy a year ago online and we've been talking for a while, than we decided to see each other a few times. During that time, I fell in love with him, he also told me several times that he fell in love with me.
We've been together two months (living together) I'm also 6 weeks pregnant.
However, since I've come to live with him its a different story. He quit his job so now I work, he is in debt over his head. Yes, he told me about it, the problem is he only told me half his problems!
One week into our living together he started fighting, everything bothers him, the way I walk, the way I talk, the way I eat, the way I drink, EVERYTHING! When I told him I'm sick and tired of him and want to leave he wont let me.
He has a gun in the house and every time we fight he uses it to scare me.
I just found out I'm pregnant and he pushed me on the bed twice already, we fight all the time and when I go to work its like going on vecation because I can't stand him anymore!
In one hand I love him so much but I dont know what to do any more, I'm afraid because everytime I say that I'll leave he tells me that he'll find me and kill. Weather that's now or in 20 years. He also tells me that he'll send the Russian mafia after me so they can kidnap me and have me like human trafiking...
I've had one similar bad relationship and from that realtionship I have a kid, the first guy was DEFFENETLLY not as bad as this one, but this seems beyond my control and I trully dont know what to do.
Sometimes, I think if I knew how to use a gun I'd kill myself so that I'm safe from him that way, but than I think what would my kid do without me?
I think he is mentally ill, I've mentioned that to him several times that he needs to see a dr, he says he will but than he doesnt. He watches movies all night and sleeps all day. When I confront him about it or say that I'll tell his family he turns all abusive on me and tells me that Obama or McKain can't help me and that if I leave him he'll kill me.
I tried leaving him a few times, because I don't want to leave him behind his back I just want to talk to him and leave him, you know, settle it nicely but its impossible. Than he gets on his knees starts crying and tells me he loves me. I know its a lie, he loves his ex girlfriend I'm only with him because he knows he can use me because I love him and needs the money I make.
I just moved here two months ago, I dont know the area well, I just know how to get to my job and back. He always tells me he has ppl following me. I know that may not be true because with what money does he pay? But yet, I think maybe he has some money hidden from me that I don't know about and he uses that when I'm not around. He even uses my car.
I wanted to call the cops once, but than realized where the heck would I go with the economy the way it is.
Just the other day, he pushed me on the bed and got on top of me to hit me, but than he didnt.
I've been abused 18 years by my parents, than 3 years by my ex fiance, now by him, sometimes I think how the heck am I suppose to be normal?
With my last ex I told in front of the cops that I'll kill him if he dont leave me alone so I got a misdemeanor for that and its on my record for 7 years, this guy knows my past, I've told him everything and I think that's why he is to me like this because he knows that I'll still stay with him, the problem is, I dont know a way out. All the doors are closed.
Two resources..The Fresh Start Womens Center..Start there...they can help you get your priorities straight..they have legal counsel, financial counseling, classes in self esteem and job search..it is a plethoria of assistance for women in Roses situation..They can even refer her to a DV shelter and possibly get her in when her direct referal got her no-where.
The Sojourners Center A DV shelter that does all the things Fresh Start does but they have housing.
It was said that an order of protection is as worthless as the paper it was written on..in the here and now that may be true..But an OOP does provide a paper trail that A) shows the OP was making an effort to help herself and B) it can be a deciding factor in getting him incarcerated if he does break it. IME police do hesitate to get involved in DV situations, even with an OOP but I have no experience with police here in Phoenix.
Where is the OP located in Phoenix....If she were find herself in an active DV situation and she can get away she could flag down a policeman...he will get arrested that night especially if the police know A) she is pregnant and B) she is showing signs of DV, ie, red marks, bruising, torn clothes etc...
With what this girl is saying I would say she's not in imminant danger right now..she is just freaked out and can't believe she has found herself in the situation AGAIN. But, the farther along she gets in her pregnancy and the more dependent she becomes the more dangerous her situation becomes..
She already has a child..she needs to get the child to safety first if said child is in the home. She also did not say, since she met him on the internet, if she moved to Phoenix to be with him or if Phoenix was her home... Also, she has been at her job for what ? 6 weeks? she will lose her job if she is constantly stressed by all this..it might behoove her to talk with her supervisor and bare all...she may get fired or she may find she has another resource. But it is better to be honest then just disappear. She getting to be the age that employment fowl ups are not so easily forgiven. No telling how that will affect the relationship it may well be a tipping point...
It may also behoove her to go to a local precinct and talk to the police about how they handle DV? I know the Police often have mini offices in QTs...if she stops in and one is there why not ask? At least she knows what to expect and they may give her some good advice. I mean if she got a misdemeanoer for even talking DV in front of a cop then they may be more on her side when the shoe is on the other foot..but she must be willing to be honest about it all...
Fresh Start Women's Center...Expert “How to” Advice & Video Courses for Women in Transition | Fresh Start Women's Foundation
The Sojourner Center..Welcome to Sojourner Center
Hot line Phone Number to Sojourner Center (602) 244-0089
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