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I recently came across and read this article by Deepak Chopra and David Simon called Keys To Healthy Relationships. In it they share some practical steps to create and maintain emotional balance and freedom in our relationships. The emphasis is on emotions -our own emotions first and how they indicate our connection with other people and the world around us. I found the information in the article so profoundly basic -as though we are always overlooking the obvious factors and thus making things more complicated than they need to be.
Here is an outline of the article and I have provided a link to it. I urge anyone serious about wanting a good, healthy relationship to read these points in more detail in the article.
Three Major Components of a Healthy Relationship
1. Place attention on your emotions
2. Practice empathy
3. Manage relationships
Uncover Your True Needs
All emotions are derived from needs. All emotions can be reduced to two primary feelings - those of comfort and those of discomfort. Whether we're aware of it, every choice we make is based on the expectation that the choice will lead to greater comfort. The key question then becomes, "How do we communicate our needs n such a way we are more likely to have them met?" This can be achieved by focusing on four steps of conscious communication.
1. Identify the even that triggered your emotion
2. Take responsibility for your feelings
3. Identify what you want which you are not getting
4. Ask for what you want
In addition, there are seven steps to emotional release
1. Identify the emotion
2. Witness the feeling in the body
3. Take responsibility for what you are feeling
4. Express the emotion
5. Release the emotion through physical ritual
6. Share the emotion
7. Celebrate
I feel the key to to a long healthy relationship with a chosen partner in life is to not expect them to change who they are for you....don't tell your partner how they should dress....don't expect them to behave how YOU want them to.....in other words..love them just the way they were when you met them...refining comes with time.
I feel the key to to a long healthy relationship with a chosen partner in life is to not expect them to change who they are for you....don't tell your partner how they should dress....don't expect them to behave how YOU want them to.....in other words..love them just the way they were when you met them...refining comes with time.
Quite true but this is not something that women seem to understand. Since they are the gate keepers, they can often demand a lot up front and these tend to be the superficial things. Then they want someone who "makes them feel good" and because of their experience and "confidence", such men are often quite good at delivering this on a temporary and superficial basis. It can be quite well rehearsed.
They then add a long list of expectations that men should just naturally provide but often they do little to prioritize or ensure they are actually possible. This is often the stumbling block because they have already picked the wrong candidate.
If they get past this point, they then find that the guy they selected, at some point, gets fed up with their constant demands, when she has less and less of what he wanted in the first place. The men that they select can be very demanding in this respect.
All this is something that mystified me when I was younger. The guys who were good at and working hard to meet what should be the high priority expectations of women were usually ignored. This is a complete reversal from what successful marriages entailed more than a half century ago. I've encountered many older women have noted this too and they are mystified as well.
Of course, women tended to dwell on the unsuccessful marriages of that era and believed that they needed to pick the perfect specimen at every stage to avoid this problem. It hasn't worked for very many.
Apparently both of you didn't read the article at all - so, your posts are completely off base for this thread. Either read the link then comment or skip it.
It's about taking responsibility for yourself and communication not this continued blaming the other sex or person you are posting about.
Nice, I love Deepak. One thing I might also add is when you identify what you need see if you can get that need met by yourself or another person. Sometimes we expect our partner to be everything to us and that's just not possible.
quit psychoanalysing everything about the relationship, best thing you can do. if there is a problem, talk about with your partner, hell fight about it if needed, but resolve it or learn to accept it. don't make everything a problem, i was always told that if everything and everyone around you is a problem, then maybe the real problem is you.
i am amazed at the number of folks that live and breathe by all these studies and self help gurus. as many folks as there are offering "keys to a successful relationship" or doing counselling, if they ACTUALLY worked then the divorce rate would be plummeting by now instead of growing.
quit psychoanalysing everything about the relationship, best thing you can do. if there is a problem, talk about with your partner, hell fight about it if needed, but resolve it or learn to accept it. don't make everything a problem, i was always told that if everything and everyone around you is a problem, then maybe the real problem is you.
i am amazed at the number of folks that live and breathe by all these studies and self help gurus. as many folks as there are offering "keys to a successful relationship" or doing counselling, if they ACTUALLY worked then the divorce rate would be plummeting by now instead of growing.
If you don't mind answering.
Would you consider yourself in a healthy relationship with another?
yep, for over 17 years. we've had our ups and downs, and our relationship is stronger than ever. seh has tried to do some of the guru crap in the past, and learned quickly it does nothing to help and mostly hurts things.
yep, for over 17 years. we've had our ups and downs, and our relationship is stronger than ever. seh has tried to do some of the guru crap in the past, and learned quickly it does nothing to help and mostly hurts things.
Congrats. Why do you think it's stronger than ever? Improved communication?
This thread is getting muddied down with the typical nonsense people spout about relationships, the usual blame game and stuff like that.
It is simply about taking a little responsibliy for your own emotions and learning to communicate better.
As usual, so many people miss the boat and start spouting nonsense. Most of the time it comes from a place of previous hurts and loss..... nothing to do with what is in front of them... Now and at this moment.
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