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I don't really see why my girlfriend needs to read my emails/texts without me there other than to snoop (and she's not the snooping type). Very little that she would want to read comes into my inbox anyway. If I get something that she might want to look at, I'll let her know.
Not married but my answer to this is that email is private. No one gets open read access to my email: not my parents, not my siblings, not my spouse (hypothetical), not my kids (hypothetical), no one. I'd have no problem if she wanted to see a particular email that came up during discussion, but not full open access to read anything and everything without me around to provide context.
Also, it's not just my privacy I'm protecting, really don't care THAT much about my personal stuff. It's what others tell me in confidence. Personal things that they specifically tell me to keep to myself. If they're not cool with my SO knowing, then I'm probably not going to tell her.
Private is private. The idea that getting married means your privacy is gone is absolutely scary. People who use the I have nothing to hide excuse frighten the crap out of me, that's the same crap excuse that is giving the government more and more power. Not to highjack the thread.
I really don't care if my husband wants to see who I'm communicating with but I don't see why he needs to ready all of my emails, though if he really wanted to I wouldn't stop him. It's nice to have a private conversation with a girlfriend or my sister without him snooping. If he wants to read some of my emails to my few male friends I'm ok with that because I'm not hiding anything. Having said that, I have no interest in his private mail and he has no interest in mine. Because we both have an open invitation to read whatever we want neither of us has any interest in doing so. Heck, my husband has kept a diary for 30 years and has offered to let me see it and I have no interest in doing so. I would question what's going on if someone regularly feels the need to snoop.
This is me. I communicate by email with all of my friends and we also share very private details of all of our lives including sex, spouses, health finances, you name it so protecting that info also protects their privacy.
Right. What I know my spouse knows. Period. I don't keep other people's secrets from her.
Right. What I know my spouse knows. Period. I don't keep other people's secrets from her.
Do you at least tell your friends this before they confide in you? I would hate to tell someone something thinking that it would be kept in confidence, only for them to tell their spouse about it.
To answer the OP's question, my spouse has never read my emails. I honestly don't think it has occurred to him to ask. I know that it hasn't occurred to me. I think that I would mind if I were asked. I am private by nature, and my spouse knows this. As another poster stated, it is not about secrecy but personal space.
And my SO hates going in my purse, too.
Last edited by mochamajesty; 01-02-2012 at 07:33 PM..
Reason: Edited because I didn't actually answer the OP's question.
Telling posts... unmarried people lean toward the private option. Some go as far as to liken a "nothing to hide" attitude with the spouse to government intrusion.
I've been married 13 years this year, together for 14. I know all his passwords, he knows most of mine. Sometimes, I go into his inbox looking for something specific... like a lost/misdirected email from the school or a relative. Sometimes I click on emails I'm curious about... no biggie. Sometimes, he does the same with mine - I know because he usually has to call to find out what my password is. He doesn't have a great memory, and I also change mine more often than he does.
If he had a smartphone, I could conceivably see myself looking through it, bored one day. He's done that to mine at times.
Yesterday, we were at a church function, and the speaker (pastor's wife) made some comment about something she'd gotten 'caught' at keeping from her husband and "you ladies know what kind of trouble that causes when he discovers what you've been hiding from him"... EVERY other married lady laughed and/or called out a comment. I was really puzzled. I have NEVER hidden anything from my husband, with the exception of his birthday and Christmas gifts. To my knowledge, he attempted to keep some things from me in the first year of our marriage, but realized that causes more problems (I can just "tell" when he's hiding something, no matter how inconsequential it is) and doesn't do that anymore.
We are best friends, but it's more than that. We're also lovers, family, parents together. It's "us" against EVERYONE else... even the kids. United in all. Not always loving or perfect, and we went through some tough times this summer... but worked it out in the end, because through it all, at the base of it all, the only person we wanted to talk to about what we were going through, who really understood, was each other. It sounds sappy, I know. But if you can have a REAL relationship, a REAL marriage, there is NOTHING that you keep from each other.
We each have a need for personal space too... and are open with each other about it, when we need it and the other is crowding us. But email, texts... not the place for personal space, imo.
Oh - and everyone knows that you don't tell me something if you don't want me sharing it with him and vice versa. Recently a new friend had something she wanted to confide and asked if I'd keep it private. My response was "You, me, the grave and Mr Sskkc, of course". She then went ahead and said it -- and I assume her husband knows my secrets as well. They won't go past my husband and sooner than they'd go past me.
Do you at least tell your friends this before they confide in you? I would hate to tell someone something thinking that it would be kept in confidence, only for them to tell their spouse about it..
It's funny you say that, but no...I don't have to. Usually when someone says to me, "You can't tell anyone...well, of course, besides ****** (my wife)," it's like they know that asking someone to keep something from their spouse is unrealistic and kinda disrespectful.
If they don't say that, then YES, I do tell them there are no secrets between my spouse and me. That has not deterred anyone from telling me stuff, and usually they like to come over to the house and talk with us both (because we tend to BOTH be friends with people).
It's funny you say that, but no...I don't have to. Usually when someone says to me, "You can't tell anyone...well, of course, besides ****** (my wife)," it's like they know that asking someone to keep something from their spouse is unrealistic and kinda disrespectful.
I don't see it that way at all, but we will have to disagree on that one.
My husband is a minister, so I guess I have to look at this differently. We aren't talking run of the mill gossip. When people tell him things, they expect a level of confidentiality that must be respected.
And, as a preacher's kid, I was raised the same way, so it's not odd to me at all. I have been in the position of meeting my friend's spouse and he knows about the intimate things that I told my friend.
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He doesn't have a great memory, and I also change mine more often than he does.
