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My partner of the past five years and I started out as an LDR. We were living a thousand miles apart when we first started talking. Then he moved, for work, to about 500 miles away. We talked daily, and we made it a priority to spend a weekend together a month, and about four months in, he asked if I'd like to come live with him, so I got a job in his city, moved, and the rest is history. At the time, most people were supportive (my family had met him when he came to visit for about a week, and liked him lots), but some were skeptical. I heard, "Oh, when you guys are together, now, it's a honeymoon period...it will be different when you're day-to-day with one another," (it wasn't), "Do you really think you know him well enough to uproot your life?" (which was a life that desperately needed uprooting, anyway, man or no), and "What will you do if you get there and things don't work out?" (I imagine I'd have done the same things I did when I was previously in relationships that ended...move on, and get on with life). But things were and are great, and we've been building a life together ever since.
LDRs can work, but it's not always the case that both people are invested in them. Planned time spent together, and plans for closing the gap are generally key to a successful relationship. A relationship that's designed to be indefinitely "part time" isn't really ever going to work out as a conventional relationship. We knew nearly immediately that we'd put things into motion to be together, and sooner, rather than later. Worked out fine. LDRs can work, but as a "phase 1," not as the ultimate structure of the relationship, for most.
I think it depends on the origin of the relationship. I don't know how well a LDR will work if, say, you met online and haven't yet met in person. Healthy communication requires the interpretation of verbal as well as non verbal cues. Texting, chatting on the phone or even skyping with someone, is not the same as being present, in person, with them. If, you had been in a strong relationship at one point, and was then separated due to work, military deployment, etc. I would think you'd have a better chance at it. I'm currently in a LDR relationship (on and off). My bf works several months at a time in different states. It's not a classic LDR in the true sense of it but I definitely miss him just as much when he's gone. I'm not sure how I could handle years of it without much contact, though.
Do u think a long distance relationship can withstand the test of time? I met a guy a few yrs ago, he lives on the west coast & i live on the east coast. We talked several months b4 I decided to visit him. Well we met & we instantly clicked. I like him & he likes me. I really like him.. I visit a few times a year & things are always good while im there. I cant seem to figure out why he trips out me everytime i get back home. Other than that things are ok. We still talk but not everyday. The attitude change when i get back home bothers me a little.
Too many emotional projections in a long distance relationship which ultimately elevates the risk and break down in communication; hard to get the know the persons bad traits.....which is essential for a long term relationship. I'm not saying that it won't work...it's just that there's a lot more risk and by the way your post is...you sound like you have a degree of fantasizing about things or wanting a certain outcome.
If he has never made the trip out to see you after all these years, I'd say move on. If you guys a physically intimate, you might just be a long distance fly in booty call. If you're fine with that, then keep things the way they are....otherwise, cut the cord and move on.
I agree with this....The blind faith that one needs for a ldr is almost always betrayed....and I personally feel it's not worth the risk...nor the loneliness.
I missed this thread the first time around but since someone else brought it back I'll comment.
"Loneliness" is much worse when you don't have anyone. I'll take a LDR but many have a closed mind to it. Rules for me are simple - the other person is free to do whatever. I'm no control freak so there is no "risk." If it doesn't work out it doesn't work out. No big deal.
I contacted an almost perfect match the other day on a dating web site and I was promptly shot down due to her being 250 miles away. I get to the area a few times a year anyway due to the fact I have friends and family there and I casually mentioned that I could visit more often and I wouldn't mind moving there.
I think a good match is very hard to find but apparently many do not agree.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by teenie30286
we have had that discussion but honestly im a lil scared because I have no family there. What i mean by his attitude changes is when i get back to my home state his mind starts to wander & he acts unsure if he can deal with the distance but he always comes backaround
Ok, that helps to know. I was wondering about 'tripping out' too. Speaking from experience--been in this kind of relationship for almost 3 years but we already knew each other and were in a relationship years earlier.
The tripping out after you leave might be because of separating again because LDRs are difficult. Saying good-bye is difficult when you don't know when you're going to see each other again.
Ours is working, so far, because we call each other several times a day between visits. Our last visit, last month, something happened and I don't know what it was but it resulted in him calling me even more than usual...saying sweet things more than usual and it was already a lot before. Point is, it can work, but it takes two very strong people and a helluva lot of love and patience.
a characteristic of internet and long distance dating is it loans itself to fantasy dating. we project onto others a fictional lover who is so much more enticing than any real person would be, face-to-face, day-to-day.
Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 02-22-2012 at 08:01 AM..
Do u think a long distance relationship can withstand the test of time? I met a guy a few yrs ago, he lives on the west coast & i live on the east coast. We talked several months b4 I decided to visit him. Well we met & we instantly clicked. I like him & he likes me. I really like him.. I visit a few times a year & things are always good while im there. I cant seem to figure out why he trips out me everytime i get back home. Other than that things are ok. We still talk but not everyday. The attitude change when i get back home bothers me a little.
Long distant relationships over a long period of time do not work.
You have to have a clear end goal.
And it's not fun at all be it short or long.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Originally Posted by Doll Eyes
no they do not work unless one or both parties is willing to be delusional and/or foolish on a daily basis. people can't even be faithful & honest in the same town together, same house together -- let alone 1500 miles away. common sense, to me.
It's foolish and delusional to assume you know every situation and the people involved enough to blanket like this.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,010,901 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948
a characteristic of internet and long distance dating is it loans itself to fantasy dating. we project onto others a fictional lover who is so much more enticing than any real person would be, face-to-face, day-to-day.
Assuming you don't know each other well or met online. But you can go through that in a normal relationship too--be delusional and project on someone face to face. Happens all the time. Like I said, it can work for strong people, esp where true love is already established. But true love is also a rare thing.
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be it short or long.
