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Some of the greatest dates and relationships I had were with women over 40 who had never been married (and never had children). I can understand that you may have some concerns about such people, but NOT EVERYONE FALLS INTO NEAT STEREOTYPES. Give the individual a chance so you can find out what they're like. Some may have issues that will cause you to exclude them - but that's also true of most other people you'll meet when dating.
Here we go, another married thinking they are so much better then everyone else. So the choice is get married or your strange? Jim Morrison was right, people really are strange.
You may be talking to me, not sure.
I will respond as though you were.
I said what I USED to think. I also mentioned that my bf has never been married.
Yes, I thought it was strange. So sue me. I was brought up in a time where most all adults I knew were married and had children. I married and had children as an adult as well.
I gave quite a few unmarrieds a chance, and quite a few of them were.....strange. Maybe that is why they could not find a mate, I don't know...but they were trying!
I did find a mate, and he is unmarried and over forty and I am quite happy with him.
I don't think that there's anything wrong with it at all. Sure that person could be "crazy", or difficult, or any number of things...but that could be true of someone who is divorced, too.
Maybe it's as simple as the never married person thinking, "Marriage is a big deal, and if I am going to make a lifetime commitment, I want to be absolutely sure that I am doing the right thing. I've seen the emotional and financial implications of divorce, and I want no part of that." That's my viewpoint, and also that of an ex of mine, who is 41 and never-married. While neither of us is perfect, we're not raving lunatics.
Is it possible that people subconsciously look harder to find faults in someone who's reached a certain age without being married, just because we've been led to believe that it's "weird"? Because they don't have that "seal of approval"? By that logic, why not chase after people who are still married, or heck, buy all of your clothes at the Salvation Army because "if they were good enough for someone else, they're good enough for me"? See how silly it sounds?
And, on the subject of dating someone who is divorced, I know there's a tendency to want to take the person at face value and to believe that the evil ex is 100% responsible for the failure of the marriage. After all, how does such a nice person like this end up divorced? But, how realistic a scenario is that? Keep in mind that the "evil ex" is probably sitting at some table at some restaurant somewhere else, giving someone else that same exact impression. I can't tell you how many times I really believed that my date's ex was some horrible devil creature that destroyed everything in her path, only to slowly realize the guy's role in his failed marriage.
So, back to the short answer, no there is nothing wrong with someone of "a certain age" that's never been married.
What's the difference between someone who's been married and is now divorced, and someone who has never been married, who are both 40 years old? The sky's the limit. Frankly, I think it's ludicrous that some arbitrary age becomes the cut off point for this discussion.
Full disclosure: I am pushing 40, and have never been married.
Even fuller disclosure: I have met MANY people who are pushing 40 (and are past that point) who have been married, and are proof that this arbitrary cut-off point is simply ludicrous.
I can't count how many people of my generation have had "practice spouses". Really? Are these people really more "eligible" when it comes to this discussion?
Personally, I don't particularly care, as I am who I am, and so be it. But, to take someone of my age, who has never been married, and consider them as "damaged goods" as compared to someone who has been married at my age? That is just STUPID.
People need to use their heads (yes, the one above their neck), and take the time to understand the person, and not judge them from one particular decision in their life, which may, or may not, have anything to do with their eligibility as a potential spouse or mate.
A lot of people have this perception that anyone who is over 40 and never been married is somehow "not normal". My experience has not totally borne that out yet, but my friends who fit this description DO seem to have a nerological problem or two. male and females I know.
If Im ever in the dating pool agian (God willing) I know I will only date a divorce or a widower. That is just my preference. Even before I met my SO I made it a rule to only date men over 40 who were DIVORCED or widowed,,,,,Your results may vary. But if women like me expect that, it is only fair for the men to right?
I read that Condileeza Rice has never been married and you know she is over 40...but she had a very important position in life., i.e. politics.
What does everyone think of the never marrieds over 40 men or women alike?
Honestly, I don't "think" anything one way or the other about people over 40 who aren't married.
Those I personally know over 40 and not married are very busy people with very good lives.
A lot of people have this perception that anyone who is over 40 and never been married is somehow "not normal".
I think, people who feel that way are self centered, as well as, "not normal". What works for them doesn't work for everyone. Unless, we're somehow in a cookie cutter world, which I know nothing about. Some marry, some don't. Some criticize those who do, and some criticize those who don't. I say, to each his own reach. And, if I didn't cop, it wasn't mine to have. The world is big enough for everyone. But, perceptions like that make happiness harder to find.
Since I fell into that demographic as do many of my friends, I assure you we are as normal and well- adjusted as those of you who are or were married. As others have said, it's increasingly common, especially since marriage is no longer considered "necessary". People take longer to find themselves, have trouble finding equal matches, and feel perfectly fine with our friends, and our work, and our long-term sanity. The only thing keeping singles from feeling completely at ease with their lives are people who insist they're not normal or mainstream.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,037,872 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68
I think they're pretty damn smart. Where is it written anyone needs to be married at all? For what? Just so they won't be alone? Marriage is good for those who want to start a family, but aside from that, I don't see any other useful purpose.
What I was going to say lol.
'Good relationships are wasted on marriage'
haha jk
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