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Too many people get married thinking they can save or change the other person. I didn't read all the posts on this thread because quite frankly most of the posters were either being juvenile, insulting or just plain idiotic.
It sounds to me from your op that your husband has some deep rooted issues. You are not going to be able to "fix" him. He either cares enough to seek the help he needs or he doesn't. Counseling only works if the person is willing to put in the work.
You need to decide what you want. Communication on all levels is the most important component of any relationship. Has he told you what he deisres or what would make him be more "into" sex with you? Have you talked to him about your needs and how it feels when he rejects you?
I think you need to step back and really examine your relationship.
Not to be personal, but, you put it out there. Why not?
Have you mentioned, hey honey, if you take care of me I'll take care of you?
That's ok. Personal is fine.
Yes, that has been a...strategy in the past, but according to her it's not something she wants. Overall, everything is pretty good between us though. We've been married for 17 years. Truthfully, the topic doesn't even come up anymore. At one time it was kind of a joke between my close friends at work and I. LOL The "oral sex virgin". I admit I get a bit, shall I say "jealous", when I hear about others who are so willing to do it.
Maybe this is a topic for another thread. I don't want to derail this one.
Wow...I'd be offended if I were to be rejected like that. I've actually called my SO in from outside and said, "we have20 minutes, Let's get it on"...and the clothes come off. But, we are like that, it's called compatability...
I got in bed and was going to give him a BJ but he snapped at me and said "you are in bed with your dirty clothes on! They have been in a restaurant and that's disgusting, you know I hate that!"..... Buzzkill!!! !/quote]
Wha...!? My wife and I met 19 years ago in college and I've NEVER received one. How dare he turn that down!
"Whenever l meet a girl that doesn't give head l look at them like a damn Betamax, They still make you?''-
There is a lot of things I understand about my mate and know that will never change. And I still choose to be with the person. You married him for reasons other than sex, apparently, judging by the fact that you know his libido is low.
Trying too hard might not help the situation at all. Accept or move on.
Today I was feeling rather frisky and my husband was doing chores around the house and came in to get something to eat. I was lying in bed (a bit tired today) and when he walked in, I said, I would like to have SEX WITH YOU! He said "My love, you have bad timing".... Went to eat lunch, went outside and finished washing the windows... yes, washing windows, then announced he was going to go wash the car and play golf.
We have been married for almost 5 years. He has never been a very sexual person (yes, I knew this when we got married) RARELY initiates sex and sulks often and says "you don't want to have sex with me" in a baby voice. So not appealing.
He just has a low libido I guess.... no he isn't getting it elsewhere as that would require an actual interest in sex.
I have even lost 15 pounds. I wasn't overweight to begin with but needed to lose an extra few. Now I am at my perfect weight. I have been getting botox, hair extensions, losing weight etc. He ONCE in awhile will say I look good but he is not a man of compliments. My girlfriend said it's classic psychology 101. I'm screaming for attention!
We have sought therapy for our issues (other issues like can't connect on an emotional level) as he is blocked for some reason... and it didn't work.
Last night I got back from having dinner with my sister and was wearing a very sexy outfit. He was kind of sleeping. I got in bed and was going to give him a BJ but he snapped at me and said "you are in bed with your dirty clothes on! They have been in a restaurant and that's disgusting, you know I hate that!"..... Buzzkill!!! So I undressed and got into bed. I texted my girlfriend and he got mad and said "all you do is text her and you wonder why we don't talk".... WHAT???? She is in another country all alone right now and I am her support. Geez. I just feel beat down. Not sure how much more of this I can take. REJECTION SUCKS!
lol...aww...not only does he have a low libido but he has ocd too?
Be more direct...obviously therapy is not doing well for him...
-edit- I have not known a man to turn the kitty down..
From your other thread, you don't even like each other. Why you ever married someone with so many issues is baffling to me as I take marriage seriously. If it isn't great before then don't do it!
Sex is the canary in the coal mine. Your relationship sucks period. Get out before you get pregnant on a fluke.
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I don't want to derail this one.
But, we are like that, it's called compatability...
3 Keys to a Good Relationship
How dare he turn that down!
"Whenever l meet a girl that doesn't give head l look at them like a damn Betamax, They still make you?''-
