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The thing is that it is not men the only ones who care but also women. If a woman didn't care about a man paying or not they wouldn't care if the guy didn't pay, accepted her offer to pay, used a coupon to take care of the dinner, picked her up in public transportation, and so on. So you will have men/women who care about these things.
A common way for women to test men. If he accepted you wouldn't consider him nice and generous. Many women would feel the same and others would totally dump the guy.
You, being traditional, have no problems being the one in charge of taking care of house chores while he watches TV or reads the newspaper, right?
That's the thing many guys will risk for being the ones who always take care of expenses, initiative, romancing, etc. Hey, that's life.
I never said I didn't take initiative or do romancing. I've done a million nice things for him over the course of our relationship. I told you that I offered to pay. I never expected it. I thought it was nice because it was. I wouldn't have dumped him if he didn't do it anymore. At one point in college neither of us could afford to do anything and we hung around his parents house and ate their food :P Like I've said before, I haven't been in the dating world for a long time so I don't know what I'd do at this point. If a guy treated me then I would be happy and if he didn't I wouldn't be unhappy. I wouldn't dump him or anything. Generous is generous. That doesn't mean people who are not generous are cheap. There's a whole spectrum in the middle.
I can think of a million things that would make me feel "pampered" or create "romance" on a first date...its sad to think some women's idea of that includes shelling out some cash at the end of a meal...
I guess I just see things differently. If I was on a first date with a guy - I wouldn't expect to be pampered. I wouldn't expect someone who doesn't know me to know how to pamper me. Romance - I think that is possible - and it doesn't have to include the man picking up the tab if they go out to dinner - but I do think it's a nice gesture. I also think it's a nice gesture for the woman to offer to pay, as well.
We all have different ideas of what we are looking for in a person. I see that as a good thing - otherwise we'd all want the same guy! We are all different and we all have different preferences. I don't see it as such a big deal.
personally would've paid for my own food and he pays for his own food, no two ways about that. Want to be able to say you don't 'owe' him anything and vice versa at the end of the whole thing.
for me its not about being generous or cheap or anything. its a sign of whether or not he's interested in me. you know the classic "is this a date date?" kind of thing. if he wanted to go dutch i wouldn't jump to assume anything bad about him- i would just assume he wasn't that into me. accordingly, if i was not interested in him i would refuse to let him pay for me because i wouldnt want him to get the wrong idea, either.
personally would've paid for my own food and he pays for his own food, no two ways about that. Want to be able to say you don't 'owe' him anything and vice versa at the end of the whole thing.
I never once in my life felt like a girl owed me anything for buying her dinner. Never. As long as she gives me oral everything is good...Kidding..But seriously, if anyone feels like someone owe's them something, then they are really confused..Women aren't just sex objects. Some guys actually like spending time with them just for them. Heck, my girl is funny as hel l. I have more fun with her than any of my friends. Her company is payoff enough..If someone feels that way,(the way your describing) then maybe they shouldn't be dating and go straight for the sure thing- a prostitute.
I never said I didn't take initiative or do romancing. I've done a million nice things for him over the course of our relationship
So you’ve taken him out to dinners and things like that (you taking care of expenses) when you start dating, right?
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I told you that I offered to pay
Lots of women “offer” but not so many pay. I wouldn’t want to “try” to do house chores at home, I DO THEM. When a girl asks me out I don’t “offer” or “try”, I CONTRIBUTE. Same thing with them and some have even put their foot down letting me know that they WANT TO pay or they won’t enjoy going out again like that. I repeat, this is not good/bad, better or not, just the way you do your things and the way I do my things. Hey, as long as you and your guy are fine with it, right?
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If a guy treated me then I would be happy and if he didn't I wouldn't be unhappy
And you taking care of dating expenses (his and yours) wouldn’t be a problem either as well, right?
for me its not about being generous or cheap or anything. its a sign of whether or not he's interested in me
So you would show you are interested by accepting his invitation, right?
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you know the classic "is this a date date?" kind of thing. if he wanted to go dutch i wouldn't jump to assume anything bad about him- i would just assume he wasn't that into me.
Or maybe you go out with a guy who thinks you are not interested in him for the same reason. There are all kinds of people around us.
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if i was not interested in him i would refuse to let him pay for me because i wouldnt want him to get the wrong idea, either.
If I am not interested in someone I simply don't even go as far as exchanging phone numbers, let alone, go out on a date. If I am interested, I will accept a girl's invitation to take me out and since I am as interested as her to go out then I am more than happy to contribute to all aspects of the date right from the start.
I only date my husband - so we fell into our patterns long ago, too! I'm not sure what the socially expected behaviors are for women when they are dating. To be honest with you - back when I was dating - I didn't worry about such things. I only tried to be myself. Well, when I was younger, I tried to be perfect - which is impossible! But the older I got - the more I just tried to be myself. I'd like to think of myself as a lady - and since all the guys I dated treated me very well and seemed to have a great time with me - I'd like to think that I am one! I know that I married a gentleman (well, he's one most of the time! ) and that most of the guys that I dated in the past are all happily married now, too!
I guess I think we live in a postmodern world and each dating situation is different and to try to fit each one into the same dating box, so to speak, is confining and so 1950s. I don't think that the man should have to pay for the woman, or drive, or open the door. Likewise, I don't think the woman should fell compelled to laugh at the man's jokes, sleep with him because he bought her dinner, or let him set the parameters of the date w/o consulting her. We live a purportedly free society, so why do we chain ourselves to social conventions that may not fit. Just sayin'.
And my wife would probably describe me as a gentleman most of the time, also.
So you would show you are interested by accepting his invitation, right?
Or maybe you go out with a guy who thinks you are not interested in him for the same reason. There are all kinds of people around us.
If I am not interested in someone I simply don't even go as far as exchanging phone numbers, let alone, go out on a date. If I am interested, I will accept a girl's invitation to take me out and since I am as interested as her to go out then I am more than happy to contribute to all aspects of the date right from the start.
i thought the point of a date was to get to know someone? usually you can tell toward the end whether you're interested in a second date. if you knew beforehand that you weren't iterested you wouldn't have bothered.
i highly doubt by me not offering to pay a dude would assume i wasnt interested. its not fair and im not claiming it is, but that is how the norm is set. after we are comfortable and mutual interest is established (if it gets to that point) it doesn't matter who pays.
to be honest, ive never had a guy not offer to pay for a date, though i have refused his offer on occasions where i wanted to make sure he got the hint that this was a friends only thing. im sure the fact that they always offer affects my viewpoint. it would just seem strange if he did not which would lead me to think that he was uninterested. i really don;t think there are that many men are adamnant about not paying irl...just internet tough guys who like to debate the equality of the social norm. when a girl you've been crushing on agrees to go on a date with you, are you really gona give her a hard time when the bill comes? i doubt it unless you end up not liking her, and we all know this and are only being realistic.
I never once in my life felt like a girl owed me anything for buying her dinner. Never. As long as she gives me oral everything is good...Kidding..But seriously, if anyone feels like someone owe's them something, then they are really confused..Women aren't just sex objects. Some guys actually like spending time with them just for them. Heck, my girl is funny as hel l. I have more fun with her than any of my friends. Her company is payoff enough..If someone feels that way,(the way your describing) then maybe they shouldn't be dating and go straight for the sure thing- a prostitute.
you all are the kings of 'say one thing, do another' so with that in mind, I would only be content with paying for my own meal and him doing the same. (I don't date btw). It is just a way to have clean break from each other and that way he cannot come back and say I owe him for something (sexual or non sexual). If he was uncomfortable with that line of thinking, then too bad I guess.
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