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I was so drunk and thought I wanted something that I dont.
And if you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you...
Perhaps she was drunk, but if she had not wanted sex (or more) it wouldn't have happened.
She apparently thought that the gap between friendship and relationship could be bridged with sex. You obliged her. Now it's screwed up. Her use of alcohol as an excuse, combined with avoidance, are just diversions. She needs to face the situation, her feelings, and you, or it may always be weird. It might just be weird forever--some things can't be undone.
I think you need to ask yourself, if you were such great friends, why you were willing to jeopardize that excellent friendship with sex. Did you think that perhaps something might develop? I'm not sure I totally believe your version of the situation, given what you put at stake for a few hours of fun.
She says: "She implied over a text message that I was receiving the ultimatum. She said "I cant just be friends with you anymore, I love you."
The Oh Hell No doctor is in: It's one of two things. The first one is she can't be friends with you so you should break all ties with her and move on. No friendship or any type of contact. Life goes on.
Now the next one is of major concern. Is she the type who says "If I can't have you, no one will?" That's where the real concern is. Just be careful..
And if you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you...
Perhaps she was drunk, but if she had not wanted sex (or more) it wouldn't have happened.
She apparently thought that the gap between friendship and relationship could be bridged with sex. You obliged her. Now it's screwed up. Her use of alcohol as an excuse, combined with avoidance, are just diversions. She needs to face the situation, her feelings, and you, or it may always be weird. It might just be weird forever--some things can't be undone.
I think you need to ask yourself, if you were such great friends, why you were willing to jeopardize that excellent friendship with sex. Did you think that perhaps something might develop? I'm not sure I totally believe your version of the situation, given what you put at stake for a few hours of fun.
No offense intended.
No offense taken. I was drunk when it happened, my judgement wasn't clear. I am somebody who can remain friends and have no awkward feelings after something like sex. I have the ability to see sex as just an activity depending on who its with. I have had FWB and it worked out quite well. I guess my drunk self was hoping she would feel like it was just "fun" for the time being and that we could both separate our emotions from the activity. I was most certainly wrong.
Her line of "I was so drunk and thought I wanted something that I dont." I took this as she meant a relationship with me, but realized she doesn't. I dont think she meant that she thought she wanted sex but didn't. I could be wrong however. She was drunk when she said I love you and proclaimed that she couldn't just be friends, on the other hand, she was drunk when we had sex...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caltovegas
She says: "She implied over a text message that I was receiving the ultimatum. She said "I cant just be friends with you anymore, I love you."
The Oh Hell No doctor is in: It's one of two things. The first one is she can't be friends with you so you should break all ties with her and move on. No friendship or any type of contact. Life goes on.
Now the next one is of major concern. Is she the type who says "If I can't have you, no one will?" That's where the real concern is. Just be careful..
In my earlier post I mentioned I talked with her about. She said, "I dont want to not be friends. I was so drunk and thought I wanted something that I dont. I care a lot about you SO MUCH as a friend and dont wanna ruin that. And I like things how they are. Youre not going to hurt me Im just f-ed up. It has nothing to do with you, you were just around. I'll be more hurt if we weren't friends anymore."
You guys might be able to continue a friendship but I think it will be difficult. Sex changes everything in a relationship and when it's a friend it's so much harder to get over than just some random guy in my experience. I was in a similar situation with a my ex-best guy friend for about 3 years. It was one of the worst heartbreaks I ever experienced. He didn't want anything more but I did and we spent the last three years of our friendship in this awkward, love/hate state.
Oddly, he called me the day of my wedding and professed his love for me and said that I should not my marry my husband. Talk about inappropriate and awkward. I haven't really talked to him since and that was years ago.
I'd hate to revive a dead thread but I thought I would update you all on a funny situation.
After I refused to go drinking with her after dodgeball last week, I was told by my team that she was in the wrong and I should not worry about it. So I went this week. It turns out that after the night she confessed her "love" for me and proclaimed that she could never be friends, she went home and had sex with a guy we were with. Major facepalm.
This girl is just nuts, thank god I dodged that bullet. SMDH
When you hooked up, there was imbalance in the relationship. She's crushing on you and has romantic feelings for you. You said you were careful to keep her in the friend zone. But not so careful that you avoided going to bed with her. You knew emotionally she would be vulnerable. That IMO was using her. Her feelings for you are what tipped her over into bed with you, and you probably know it. The friendship is probably ruined, and even though it sounds like she wanted the sex, she probably hoped the sex would bond you with her. That didn't happen. First she's hurt because she was put in the Friend Zone, now she has been brought into the Lover Zone, and then dumped back into the Friend Bin. You really can't see how selfish you are being?
In my earlier post I mentioned I talked with her about. She said, "I dont want to not be friends. I was so drunk and thought I wanted something that I dont. I care a lot about you SO MUCH as a friend and dont wanna ruin that. And I like things how they are. Youre not going to hurt me Im just f-ed up. It has nothing to do with you, you were just around. I'll be more hurt if we weren't friends anymore."
This woman has it bad for you, OP. If you know you don't want her, don't string her along with "friendship" now that you two have been lovers for a night. I don't buy the "I was drunk" line, because some people get intentionally drunk to do something like this, because they would not have the cajones to do this otherwise.
In my earlier post I mentioned I talked with her about. She said, "I dont want to not be friends. I was so drunk and thought I wanted something that I dont. I care a lot about you SO MUCH as a friend and dont wanna ruin that. And I like things how they are. Youre not going to hurt me Im just f-ed up. It has nothing to do with you, you were just around. I'll be more hurt if we weren't friends anymore."
This woman has it bad for you, OP. If you know you don't want her, don't string her along with "friendship" now that you two have been lovers for a night. I don't buy the "I was drunk" line, because some people get intentionally drunk to do something like this, because they would not have the cajones to do this otherwise.
Yup, she is willing to stay friends with him just to have him in her life, but she really just wants the OP to be hers. She is really into him and probably had sex with that other guy just out of jealousy and spite. Or so he would find out and he would think she didn't mean what she had said before about having feelings for him.
I have been in her shoes. The setup was different, but I found myself falling in love with a friend who did not reciprocate. It's a horrible emotional state to be in. It's agony for the one in love. I have no doubt that she's telling you the truth -- she can't be just friends when she really wants more from you. Do her a favor and cut her loose now. You cannot go back to being friends.
That's me to a T. Happened to me. Don't ever have sex with a good friend. It WILL end in disaster. Been there, done that. Its true, its too emotionally painful for the girl to continue the friendship if she really wants more from you and you don't.
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