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This is my first post actually seeking advice. I will get straight to the point. I have a close friend who I have known for around 4 years. She has always crushed on me, but I always was sure to keep her in the friend zone and nothing more. Well about 2 months, after a long night of drinking, I finally gave in to her advances and had sex.
After that night, I made sure to tell her immediately that it was a mistake on my part and that I never should have done that. I told her that I only wanted a friendship and I was sorry if I lead her on. She told me that she understood and for about 3 weeks everything was cool between us. We still hung out and we still drank together like usual.
Well, within the past week she has started getting a little strange. Last Saturday she told me that she loved me and that there was no way she could not feel that way. She implied over a text message that I was receiving the ultimatum. She said "I cant just be friends with you anymore, I love you."
Here are my questions. Do you think that was an ultimatum saying that I have to give up on our friendship? How can she love me when I dont even treat her like somebody I would love? I never hold her hand, or kiss her, or treat her as though we are exclusive. Is she just confused on what love is?
I have doubts that straight males and females can even be close friends because of things like this. Once you slept with your friend your relationship with her changed forever. It also sounds like she had some romantic feelings before you slept with her.
Some people have different feelings about sex. To some it's an emotional connection and to some it just feels good (and can be an emotional connection with a special person). It seems you two are on the opposite end of this.
Her statement does sound like an ultimatum and I'm afraid this friendship is never going to be the same.
I had a similar situation with one of my best friends from college. We hooked up a few times in some of my moments of weakness - and then I told him that it just couldn't happen anymore. We stayed friends for a few more years -even though he felt like he was in love with me for a good portion of that time. Then he met someone, got engaged, and she told him he could never see me again. So - I never saw him again. It might have been easier for me if we had just severed ties earlier. All the other guys that I was friends with that had really strong feelings for me have fallen by the wayside as well.
I should add - I think it can work if both parties decide that they are better as friends and don't want anything more. But if one of the parties will only be happy with romance and will be unhappy with just friendship - chances are the friendship isn't going to go the distance.
You should back away before she goes crazy on you. if you break her heart she is going to want to get revenge on you. Your nightmare has already begun.
I wouldn't even respond to that text or take it seriously. When you see her in person, just be frank about what it was. You can't be friends in situations like this, you gotta be careful when your drinking that's when the slip ups happen.
I'm curious, does she look good or is she a grenade?
I had a similar situation with one of my best friends from college. We hooked up a few times in some of my moments of weakness - and then I told him that it just couldn't happen anymore. We stayed friends for a few more years -even though he felt like he was in love with me for a good portion of that time. Then he met someone, got engaged, and she told him he could never see me again. So - I never saw him again. It might have been easier for me if we had just severed ties earlier. All the other guys that I was friends with that had really strong feelings for me have fallen by the wayside as well.
I should add - I think it can work if both parties decide that they are better as friends and don't want anything more. But if one of the parties will only be happy with romance and will be unhappy with just friendship - chances are the friendship isn't going to go the distance.
Thanks Dew,
Sorry it didn't work out between you two. She is a really great friend and I really dont want to end it. I guess whatever happens, happens. I will proceed with caution.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wordlife
I wouldn't even respond to that text or take it seriously. When you see her in person, just be frank about what it was. You can't be friends in situations like this, you gotta be careful when your drinking that's when the slip ups happen.
I'm curious, does she look good or is she a grenade?
Yea, I wasn't sure if the text was all that serious or not. She sent it after a night of drinking, so it may have been her being emotional. Still, I know there is some sort of truth to it. She isn't dating material IMO. She has some some attractive features, but also some not so attractive features. Mostly, the reason I am not attracted to her is that she is far too clingy.
Before I even slept with her, she would cry whenever I turned her down after drinking. Eventually it happened so often that she would laugh about it with me once sober. She would make fun of herself for it. I am just hoping shes an emotional drunk...
It is very difficult for someone to just be friends when they have greater feelings and expectations about someone beyond friendship. So yes, she may be reaching a point where she needs more, or needs to move on.
If you don't mind me asking, what is the reason you are not attracted to her other than being a friend? My very soon to be wife was my best friend first, before we really started romantically dating.
She is uncomfortable when you and her are hanging out because she doesn't see you as a friend anymore, but as the guy who she loves and can't have. It is painful for her. You should end the friendship because otherwise it will only cause her more pain.
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