Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
As a perpetual bachelor closing in on 30, I feel I have pretty much mastered the dating game. I don't have trouble getting women and I don't have trouble getting laid. I can't remember the last time I've had legitimate "girl problems" that actually caused me to fret. It's probably been close to a decade, if not more.
With that said, there's one obscure issue that keeps occurring and I've never been able to conquer it.
I call it The Condom Conundrum.
The premise is simple. When I make it a point to put a condom in my wallet before meeting a girl for the first time, I rarely have the opportunity to get laid.
It's almost like my over-anticipation radiates from the condom and my date can feel it. Usually I don't even get invited inside when the Trojan Horse is set in the pocket of my Dockers.
On occasion, the condom itself ends up being a bulwark that stops me just shy of the goal line. Once I was back at a girl's place, clothes were off, when I extricated the red square wrapper from my pants. Immediately she took pause.
"Why did you bring that? You were expecting to get laid this whole time, weren't you? Is that why you wanted to meet me? Did you think I would be easy?"
Ummm, yes I did, actually. You just let me take your clothes off, didn't you? And we just met two hours ago, right? So how can you be offended that I didn't expect you to be Mother Teresa?
Engaging in a battle of wits while trying to maintain an erection is not my idea of the most fun Saturday night, so I decided to take the least mentally taxing route and just answer her honestly.
"I figured there was a chance the date would end this way, and obviously I was right. Why not be prepared? So what position do you want to start with?"
Her response turned my testicles the same shade as the deepest part of the Atlantic Ocean.
"You can put that up. You won't be needing it."
Ouch. I'll be in the bathroom for the next 30 minutes if you need me. By the way, do you have a tube sock I can borrow?
When I roll sans condom, opportunities for sex are bountiful. This creates a whole new set of problems when the moment comes.
Mod cut: TMI; over the PG-13 line. Withdrawal doesn't offer protection against diseases, however, and I kind of prefer that protection when I'm dealing with a chick who is willing to have unprotected sex on the first date.
Mod cut: ditto.
Finally, there's the option I usually employ. Throw on the bare minimum clothing to avoid a public indecency charge, drive to the nearest gas station, and buy a box of condoms.
Having to stop and make a gas station run just when you're about to get laid sucks, and if you're not really into the chick, starting foreplay over sucks even more.
But this is the only answer I've found that allows me to still get laid, meaning actual P in the V intercourse and not just oral, and also not to have to worry that it's going to burn when I take my morning leak, or worse, that some skank is going to track me down for child support in nine months.
I know I'm not the only guy here who has been flummoxed by The Condom Conundrum. Let's hear some of your stories and how you've dealt with it.
Oh gosh...what a connundrum. I suppose perhaps you should just stop banging the skanks?
Yeah...this post pretty much is par for your "pimpy" course.
Why are you making it a habit to bang girls you aren't that in to or consider 'skanks'?
I understand stuff happens every now and then, but to make it a habit seems odd.
I guess you are not very experienced with this as why are you repacking a condom every time you go out? Just make it your policy to always have one handy. Or to keep a box in your car. I think most sexually active people do this and that way you can answer any questions without offending the girl.
His biggest problem was he needed to find a way to use the word 'conundrum' in a sentence. That he did so successfully brought forth the need for a condom.
He likes alliteration. He did not go far enough with the title though. I would suggest:
The Condom Conundrum Constrains Copious Copulation
wow! If you're ever in sfla, let me know. I'd love to have a peek inside your "ready bag".
maybe some day
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
maybe some day 
