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I do trust him and honestly the situation has never arisen so what do I know. It's not about the actual sex act. To me, spending all that alone time with someone else would be like emotional cheating. My husband and I do most things together. I'd probably just be more sad that he's spending less time with me than anything.
"Emotional cheating?" Seriously? Is it okay for your husband to talk with or even confide in his mom or his sister (if he has them?) They're women, right?
The whole "all that alone time" statement suggests to me that you don't think that opposite sex friendships are possible, or don't understand how they work. To explain, suppose Guy A is in a relationship with Girl A, and Guy B is in a relationship with Girl B. Guy A and Girl B have been friends since childhood. First of all, they'll be spending most of their time with their significant others anyway. If they aren't, that's a red flag, but that's not usually what happens. There might be occasional times in casual situations where Guy A and Girl B are "alone," but a lot of times, when Guy A and Girl B hang out, Girl A and Guy B will be along. It wouldn't be too surprising if the guys and the girls ended up becoming friends themselves. That's a lot of time what happens in healthy friendships, and there usually isn't anything to worry about.
"Emotional cheating?" Seriously? Is it okay for your husband to talk with or even confide in his mom or his sister (if he has them?) They're women, right?
The whole "all that alone time" statement suggests to me that you don't think that opposite sex friendships are possible, or don't understand how they work. To explain, suppose Guy A is in a relationship with Girl A, and Guy B is in a relationship with Girl B. Guy A and Girl B have been friends since childhood. First of all, they'll be spending most of their time with their significant others anyway. If they aren't, that's a red flag, but that's not usually what happens. There might be occasional times in casual situations where Guy A and Girl B are "alone," but a lot of times, when Guy A and Girl B hang out, Girl A and Guy B will be along. It wouldn't be too surprising if the guys and the girls ended up becoming friends themselves. That's a lot of time what happens in healthy friendships, and there usually isn't anything to worry about.
That's but one example, a very reasonable one at that.
In my case, my SO has a female friend of about 20 years. In between relationships, they've travelled together, he's been her date to weddings, her shoulder to cry on, her handyman when electronics don't work, etc. Since we've been dating, he's seen her twice, and once was to purchase something for me for Christmas from a store she works at. She has been texting on an almost daily basis in the past month or so, but it's always her reaching out to him, not the other way around. She now has a BF but SO commented a while ago, that she seems a bit miffed that she doesn't spend much time with my SO anymore.
As someone said pages ago, priorities tend to shift when you're in a committed relationship. IMO, in a new relationship, it's important to establish a level of trust, comfort and respect that may be difficult if you spend a lot of time with someone of the opposite sex, because the new person may not understand the dynamic of the relationship. My SO is a good man, and I'm grateful he has shown all of those qualities to me, especially since he knows my ex-husband cheated on me with a friend of 20 years.
But I still have those moments when I wonder why on earth she's texting him daily when we don't always text each other daily. A bit of jealousy is only natural, especially when you're establishing a love relationship and hoping to build a future with someone. Love is the biggest gamble you make, putting your heart on the line for someone else, IMO.
I've had a best male friend that was my buddy before I met my husband. We used to hang out way more, but life gets busy. He has a girlfriend that doesn't like him spending time with friends in general, so that's always been a problem. Then he went for his master's degree and just didn't have two minutes to spare (understandably). Now that's he's graduated we're attempting to make more time for each other. Our jobs are in the same city, which is convenient, so we've been having dinner after work every few weeks to once a month. When I call my husband to tell him what I'll be up to for the evening, he tells me to go out and have fun. He usually notes that I come home too early. He's very supportive of all my friendships and likes the idea of me getting out of the house, especially since my brother passed some years ago. I also do lunch with both male and female colleagues pretty often.
That's but one example, a very reasonable one at that.
In my case, my SO has a female friend of about 20 years. In between relationships, they've travelled together, he's been her date to weddings, her shoulder to cry on, her handyman when electronics don't work, etc. Since we've been dating, he's seen her twice, and once was to purchase something for me for Christmas from a store she works at. She has been texting on an almost daily basis in the past month or so, but it's always her reaching out to him, not the other way around. She now has a BF but SO commented a while ago, that she seems a bit miffed that she doesn't spend much time with my SO anymore.
As someone said pages ago, priorities tend to shift when you're in a committed relationship. IMO, in a new relationship, it's important to establish a level of trust, comfort and respect that may be difficult if you spend a lot of time with someone of the opposite sex, because the new person may not understand the dynamic of the relationship. My SO is a good man, and I'm grateful he has shown all of those qualities to me, especially since he knows my ex-husband cheated on me with a friend of 20 years.
But I still have those moments when I wonder why on earth she's texting him daily when we don't always text each other daily. A bit of jealousy is only natural, especially when you're establishing a love relationship and hoping to build a future with someone. Love is the biggest gamble you make, putting your heart on the line for someone else, IMO.
Yeah, I know it's only one example. But I think a lot of times, people become friends through shared life experiences. Maybe it's a first meeting as little kids, or maybe getting through a challenging class in college, or moving somewhere new for a job. A significant other isn't going to share all of those experiences. So in my response to southshorelady, I didn't think it was fair to imply any friendship with the opposite sex is "emotional cheating," because simply put, the things that hold the friendship together might not even relate to the relationship with the significant other.
I do agree that jealousy often gets in the way, and people with opposite sex friends need to be respectful (within reason) to their significant others' concerns. But a lot of times, I think people forget why they have friends in the first place.
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