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With your description of what is going on with your husband, I would agree that he has some kind of depression issues. Your marriage counselor should have been able to pick up on that real quick since I am sure he/she knows a lot more details than any of us on this forum. He needs some help for sure and hopefully he will agree to get it for the sake of your marriage. Suggest him seeing a psychologist and delicately point out that you are worried about him and all these changes. Let him know that you cannot live this way, but would be willing to support him if he is willing to seek the help he needs. I know from experience it is hard on the male ego to seek mental help.
Do you have any type of support system for yourself, such as friends, family or church? Maybe you could start seeing a therapist yourself, or talk to your marriage counselor about these concerns and get him/her to advise your husband to get help from a psychologist. I think you really need to get some kind of support and advice for yourself for your own sanity. You have put 5 years into this relationship, so I would see if any progress can be made if he would get the help he needs. Sometime we don’t realize how bad the “for worse” can be.. and of course we all wish we could live with the “for better” most of the time!!
That's a marriage. Sometimes, there will be times - YEARS even - when one half will need more attention.
He went through some stuff, his family is a bunch of idiots, he's depressed about work.....in short, he needs your support.
Sometimes, it doesn't take much. Just listen. Don't try to solve, don't say "I've heard all of this already", just listen. Say "I know.....I know how hard it is....I hear you.......it will be okay".
It's very possible he'll get through this and make it to the other side.
If you have a foundation - if this is your best friend - don't throw it away.
I am standing on the cliff of my marriage and wondering...do I stay or do I go. There is no infidelity/abuse or anything like that, which is making this decision harder. We've been together 5 years, married 3. I feel we used to have a good amount of "opposite" qualities that balanced us out, but over the last 2 years we have become complete opposites. I have no energy left when it comes to him, and just feel like I don't know which way is up while wading through the daily drama that is our marriage. I just want it all to stop, to be able to come home from work and relax, to not have someone hanging around my neck every moment of every day. We have been in counseling for 6 months, and I don't see much difference, if any. Is there anyone out there who was in a similar marriage that did not have abuse etc? Any advice would be much appreciated.
a gut wrenching horrible experience. you become worst enemies with somebody you would have given your life for. a good chunk of assets is devoured in the melle of lawyers. women are worse off 5 years later than men. trust issues never get repaired. amazing a system where both combatants go away feeling ripped off.
lose lose scenario. mutual destruction. the sad part, is usually the women if good looking go thru a whole string of boyfriends the end result is that she got his smell off her but now she is not sure whose smell is on her, lots of boyfriends means, feeling like she needs a shower all the time.
she used to be a wife, now she is just somebodies girl friend. girl friends get old. the dance clubs are full of them.
so if the goal is to feel better about yourself divorce wont do that.
living alone a long long time will do that, make you feel better about yourself.
if there are kids its much much worse.
oh by the way i voted yes by all means get a divorce.
stephen s
san diego, ca
a gut wrenching horrible experience. you become worst enemies with somebody you would have given your life for. a good chunk of assets is devoured in the melle of lawyers. women are worse off 5 years later than men. trust issues never get repaired. amazing a system where both combatants go away feeling ripped off.
lose lose scenario. mutual destruction. the sad part, is usually the women if good looking go thru a whole string of boyfriends the end result is that she got his smell off her but now she is not sure whose smell is on her, lots of boyfriends means, feeling like she needs a shower all the time.
she used to be a wife, now she is just somebodies girl friend. girl friends get old. the dance clubs are full of them.
so if the goal is to feel better about yourself divorce wont do that.
living alone a long long time will do that, make you feel better about yourself.
if there are kids its much much worse.
oh by the way i voted yes by all means get a divorce.
stephen s
san diego, ca
I get it - divorce has its' own set of problems, it just doesn't make everything all better. It doesn't just make you single again as if you never were married to start with.....it's different now, a different kind of single with new emotions to deal with.
Am I the only one who didn't understand the last post?
I got it- but doesn't apply because they are not married. and BTW, for me when I broke up with my first serious relationship, I didn't sleep with ANYONE for 2 1/2 years.... One night stands didn't work for me.
my husband of 14 years left me, moved to another state with a women with kids of her own. after 4 months he told her to move back to lousiana. she did. a couple of months later he reconnected with her and moved to louisiana also. after 3 months they were in counseling for their relationship, mind you that he is still married to me. the counselor told them they were too different and wanted different things and he will never be happy until he is with someone that he can be his self with. he told me this in a atempt to reconcile our relationship. he came back to arkansas for a week, we talked about everything that went wrong in our marriage. he was telling his mother and family that he wanted his wife and kids back, two days later he was back in louisana and had emailed me that she was what he had deep feelings for her and she gave him what he needed, i am devastated. how could he do that? and now he do not have anything to do with his children, he has only 3 of his own in this world by me and he has nothing to do with them now. but he stays home and babysits hers while shes at work. she even emailed me and told me that he was going to divorce me as soon as possible and what i was going to get in the settlement, boy was i set off. how am i to handle this situation? please i need somebodys advice.
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need some advice and a listening ear
